i went to the beach

*people offended by suicide or the word fuck, skip this post…

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i went to the beach, camping for a few weeks.  i needed to get away.

i took Mooalasknlight and Shadow…

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…and I took Harbor’s ashes.

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i went to the beach to die.

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the ocean is fucking magic…

….. so powerful, it can oceankill, yet sometimes so calm it is hypnotizing.

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the sand is so fucking strong…

………so soft, it surrounds a body, yet so dangerous, it can suck you in and knock you off your feet.

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i sat for days watching the ocean, waiting for a sign of why i must continue to live42-18581776

sometimes families were there, running along the beach, swimming in the tides, barely noticing we were there.

it hurt to look at all the happy faces.

it hurt to know i was never that kid running happily on the beach

it hurt to know that i was an adult now and probably alone for life

it hurt to watch the ocean waves come and go and come and go …..

 knowing that it summed up my life….

…coming and going from place to place.

 Immobilier

 

i went to the beach because i wanted to die…

……but i came back and i honestly don’t know why…

givingup

September 29, 2014 at 9:32 pm 24 comments

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE

This blog is copyrighted.
I know that means you can't take my writing without my permission. If you do, something can happen.
Plus, that is just a real shitty thing to do -- take someone's thoughts -- so don't do it!

I am happy if you want to use my writing to help those involved in the foster care system, but please, leave a comment asking if it is ok and letting me know.

Peace.

Copyrighted 2009-2014

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