*people offended by suicide or the word fuck, skip this post…
i went to the beach, camping for a few weeks. i needed to get away.
…and I took Harbor’s ashes.
i went to the beach to die.
the ocean is fucking magic…
the sand is so fucking strong…
………so soft, it surrounds a body, yet so dangerous, it can suck you in and knock you off your feet.
sometimes families were there, running along the beach, swimming in the tides, barely noticing we were there.
it hurt to look at all the happy faces.
it hurt to know i was never that kid running happily on the beach
it hurt to know that i was an adult now and probably alone for life
it hurt to watch the ocean waves come and go and come and go …..
knowing that it summed up my life….
…coming and going from place to place.
i went to the beach because i wanted to die…
……but i came back and i honestly don’t know why…