Archive for September, 2010
I am thinking of putting this ad on Craig’s List because I am NEVER going to make it without getting a MOM — no matter what people “with moms” say. I didn’t even have a mom as a baby or little kid, so I should get one now.
DO YOU NEED A KID?
—– Summer Clearance—–
W, F, many ages, 5’6, light-dirty blond hair, blue eyes, who likes to eat junk food and watch cartoons. can stand on hands for over 5 minutes. . loves nature and likes to watch the clouds, butterflies, and oceans. likes music; silly unrhythmic dancing; and running naked through the snow while wearing funny toe socks. can build a kick-ass fire and keep devil sticks going for hours on end, including performing ultimate tricks. has cool and hysterical pets to share. can now boil chicken; hamburger meat; and cook sweet potatoes. can’t fix lightbulbs.
lived in lots of different homes and lots of different places, so is pretty adaptable and accepting. some bad habits, but has kicked drugs, smoking, and most booze. has lots of “parts” to help out with things. extremely gentle and shy, but can kick ass if needed.
Looking for just one older woman aged 45-65 to adopt me. race does not matter; weight does not matter; height does not matter. education level high enough to read comic books and silly books to me and occasionally smart things about animals; the weather; the ocean; or what-ever else you see fit. must be super gentle and not abusive. no yelling and no hitting allowed. no burning with cigarettes. no telling me i am ugly; stupid; disgusting; bad; a waste; a no-good nothin’; a piece of crap; gross; a piece of shit; unwanted; etc., financial stability not too important — i can work and am used to living on the brink of poverty. must like animals and be funny.
special characteristics that would be a bonus but not necessary include: soft spoken; gentle caring eyes; can fix messy hair; creative, will take me to the zoo; will take me to one of those places you can see the stars and not leave me alone in the dark; knows how to swim and can teach me; will like me, please?; will remember my birthday and NOT tell me that i should never have been born or that i was a mistake; won’t laugh at me but with me; and other things moms are supposed to do.
I’ll do whatever you need if you will be a mom for me….
FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE FREE
CALL (xxx) xxx-xxxx