if no-one ever loved you, can you ever love?
January 5, 2011 at 10:22 pm 40 comments
lets be real. i’ve never been loved by anyone. i know that. my life and body scream that.
.
i am not a religious person. how could i be, when no-one can tell me why “god” watched everything happen to me and didn’t stop it. i respect religion and people’s beliefs, but i can tell you that god hates me. and some people will respond and tell me god loves me, but when i ask “why it all happened”…. everyone runs away. god hates some people, and i am one of them.… . i don’t know why, i can’t figure it out, but it is.
anyway, i read this quote today… i think corinthians is a chapter in the bible. it describes love and i actually think it is quite good…
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4
my bioparents n
ever loved me, they used me. they used me for their needs and wants. they were not kind nor patient. they delighted in evil, if that is the word to use. they were easily angered and kept record of everything i did wrong; so to punish me even more. they never protected and they always failed. i can say 100% that my bioparents never loved me.
now, someone will respond and say that all bioparents love their children. no, they do not. read my story and then come back and tell me how that is love…. any of it, i beg of you.
foster parents — none of them really loved me either. some “kept me,” some used me as a p
unching bag or a easy fuck, and some “liked me.” but love, i don’t think so. why? no-one ever kept me. if some foster parents loved me, wouldn’t they have kept me? wouldn’t they have adopted me instead of dumping me? no, i was never loved. some foster parents were patient and kind, some were not. some were easily angered, some were not. some protected me, some did not. BUT, THEY ALL FAILED. …they all dumped me.
so…
now as a young 20-something, who has never been loved, where does that leave me?
if i have never experienced human love, can i love?
will i know love when i feel it?
is my heart open to love? or is it destroyed by years of no-love?
in my child’s mind, i equate love with pain. they are fused together because all children want to believe that their parent’s love them. but when you are constantly abused, you assume that is love. so love=pain.
so does that mean as an adult, i want pain because that is what i believe is love?
can my brain tell my heart and feelings something different?
can you heal years of love and pain fused to find the love alone?
can i ever love… when i’ve never been loved?
Entry filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: adoption, aged-out foster kids, child abuse, feelings, Foster Care, foster kid, foster parents, god, hate, love, love is patient, no family, not loved, unloved.
1.
Kerryjo | January 5, 2011 at 11:03 pm
I agree you love your animals. I have that verse about love on my wall and next to it I have written this is how I want to be loved, so I will love others this way. I have loved many of my foster kids I was not able to keep.
2.
The Sleeper | January 5, 2011 at 11:35 pm
I think you learn to love people by first learning to love yourself. And to love, you need to let others in and take that risk.
Two difficult things.
3.
douglas wood | November 19, 2011 at 10:57 am
To love yourself is first to forgive your self for the things you didn’t have anything to do with. I was rasied all my life in foster homes. I was my worst enemy once i lowerd my gaurd just a little a green eyed lady stoled my haert. She was a fine drink of water,still is. Showing her my love let me learn how to love myself. That was 29 years ago,so i have to say love saved my life.I hope everyone can find this can of love
4.
abby's momma | January 5, 2011 at 11:36 pm
I know that your brother was a disappointment, but you two had love for each other when you were young. Sadly it didn’t work as adults, but that is more common than one would hope foster care or not.
I will tell you true that sometimes -I don’t know about your foster parents- but sometimes a foster parent will decide that they are in way over their heads and not commit to a foster that they love. Sometimes they may believe that there is someone out there that can do a better job then they can. Just saying.
5.
fosteringidahoteens | January 5, 2011 at 11:38 pm
I’ll just say from experience: It will not come naturally as it apparently does for people raised in a loving family. With a lot of painful work that will stress your ability to cope – you can learn it in adulthood.
Before Love, there is exploration.
Before Exploration, there is sharing.
Before Sharing, there is trust.
Before Trust, there is…
…it goes on and on. Every step is harder than the previous one.
I have found the journey to be rewarding. I hope it works out for you.
6.
angie | January 6, 2011 at 2:57 am
Im sorry that you had to go through all of that,my heart goes out to you.if i had been given the oportunity to have known you then i would have loved you and protected you.Your story is so sad and it breaks my heart,no child should ever feel that way or be treated that way! I dont know you but IM HERE if you ever need a friend and I CARE.And yes you can learn to love.Goodluck sweety
7.
butterflysblog | January 6, 2011 at 7:33 am
Sweet LT – you are right – you have never felt loved, ever. And I think you are also right to ask these beautiful, soul-searching questions.
Here is what I know for sure: You are loved right now by people in your real life and people in your blog life, you are loveable, and you are loving.
8.
kathy | February 14, 2012 at 12:40 pm
Very true! People are reaching out to you and loving you! because YOU are loveable and precious and deserve love. And the only thing that makes sense to me is once you have grieved this pain and this horrid childhood, you will love and be there for so many people and understand them, love them and guide them to a safer place filled with promise!
9.
christina blow | January 6, 2011 at 9:18 am
not all bio parents love their children. it’s unfathomable to me, but there it is. and it’s NOT limited to children who went to the foster system. my children’s bio parents did not love them. their foster parents (prior to us) THOUGHT they loved them, but i don’t think they can. the problem with true love is that we’re human and we are all flawed. i personally don’t think that ever excuses treating others the way you were treated, but it’s there and we can’t ignore it.
my husband was not, and is not, loved by his family. at 25 years old he met me, and he says i am the first person to believe in him and encourage him. your boss and his wife are encouraging you. let me tell you, my husband loves me. he was never loved, but he sure is capable of loving!
i’m not going to lie to you and say it’s going to be easy, you already know that’s not true. but i will say that i think you’re on your way, just recognizing how you think and seeing the flaws in it, well, that’s huge!
also, i don’t believe love is a feeling. the world tries to tell us it’s butterflies and moonbeams and frolicking in the tulips, but to me love is a choice. trust me, i WANT to stop trying with one of my kids because he’s a pain in the patoie. especially this morning. but i can choose not to stop trying, even when i look at him and think “goodness, what did i get myself into” i can still hug him goodnight, i can still try to teach him how to behave. i can still believe he’s going to be ok. does that make sense? feelings come and go, they aren’t trustworthy. you can train your brain to tell your heart otherwise.
as for the God issue, well, all i can say is i pray you see His love one day. i don’t quite understand why He lets such yucky things happen. but i do know He can use them for good and i do know you are incredibly precious to Him. i don’t know why you’ve gone through all this, and if I were God you wouldn’t, but i’m quite sure He’s been there all along, and He still is, even though it’s illogical and it doesn’t feel that way.
10.
michelle vandepol | January 6, 2011 at 9:53 am
the purpose for our suffering (and everyone on the planet has it because this is only a transitional place from this life to the next — not meant for us to live our whole lives for here) is that in our journey we will inevitably run into other people whose pain touches our own and who we are the only ones meant to touch their lives in that exact second in that exact way (it’s a Spirit thing) it’s not something you want to hear in the midst of it, but it is a real encouragement as things start to progress forward — as you work toward the life you want. (ie, if you down the road went the career or mentor or counsellor, teacher or social worker, you could use your insights to love/serve others in a way that easy peasy life experiencers cannot.) be encouraged. your life has a divine plan. you can pray to find direction and love.
regular humans tend to get overwhelmed. that way, people are gravy on the love life we already have and it will rock even when it sucks. (i can vouch for that)
i agree with the commentor who said your boss and his wife seem like some love in your life. and pets are another good source. with therapy and time things will start to sort out. you are the best candidate for loving because you have a sensitive heart. take a moment to see when things line up to work for your good, no matter how small (ie. Christmas bonus right when you need it, housing resources coming together in a way you didn’t picture but works for the meantime, etc) that’s Providence. (aka the big picture) the most exciting thing in this life is checking out where our big picture and others’ coincide. (where when we have next to nothing, we share a sandwich or some love with someone who has even less than us) it’s often where love shows up. people may think i am cynical for saying so, but it’s been my experience that every person on this earth has the capacity to dissapoint and hurt us, as we inadvertently or purposefully might to others. the only solution i’ve found is to glom onto and filled up by God. (He can handle emotionally needy people like you and i
that said, love is coming your way. keep at therapy and putting one foot in front of another. and start the gratitude journal so you can record the whole thing happening
♥ michelle
email me anytime mv_49496@hotmail.com
ps, less of a savior complex than friends with the Savior!
11.
Faree | December 10, 2011 at 2:27 am
I completely agree with you Michelle!
12.
attachment parent | January 6, 2011 at 10:48 am
Good question.
The answer to the question of can you learn to love is…. most of the time, yes. Scientifcally speaking. Most people who live through childhood trauma and neglect who find someone who is willing and able to work with them do learn to love and trust as adults. According to Daniel Hughes, a psychologist who speciallilzes in helping traumatized and neglected children living with families learn to attach and love, about 80% of kids can substantially recover, in his experience.
I don’t have any idea of what research says about adults who have not been lucky to find committed adults.
The brain is an incredible tool and it has plasticity, which means it can change and grow. It ain’t easy.
My son moved in when he was twelve and now is 16 and largely he has overcome his anger, defiance, etc to be a loving and cheerful guy, but we still have occurances when he loses control of himself and goes ballistic unexepectedly. My daughter who is 18 (she aged out and had no where to go and moved in) likewise is healing. Her healing is going more quickly, I believe, because she had the choice to live with me –she wasn’t stuck with me. I
Almost every day, I have to always remind myself to be patient and think long term.
The possibility is there to learn to love. The probablity — I would guess yes because you have the ability to reach out, and that is a beginning. And you take care of your dogs — lots of people with your experience become abusers, and you have not. So ask Dr. Val — I think those are good clincial signs that you have the potential LT.
13.
Sean McArthur | January 6, 2011 at 11:43 am
I think trusting love is difficult even when you realize that it exists and what it is. We adopted our son John 11 years ago and only 6 months ago did he start attaching to us, he is 17. He started out aggressively attaching, he has been going to a residential school for the past 3 years that cares for kids with social/emotional difficulties and he comes home on weekends. Last year when he was ready to and started going through his trauma therapy he would come home and initiate hugs and gentle hands on the backs of all of us whereas before that he would never even accept a hug. When we tell him we love him, he says he loves us back now and you can tell it is honest. I think John now knows love exists but he has no idea what to do with it. He has even pulled back a little now with his affections and I think it is because he has discovered that he might not be able to place trust in love because sharing love comes with a certain amount of vulnerability and he is not one to leave himself unguarded. The first 5 years of his life he lived in horror and just now is he presenting himself as a human being, he is 17 but socially he is around 10 or 11. I have a modest blog about our story at pinkshanty.blogspot.com
My heart goes out to you and everyone who ages out of the system. I constantly think about how people manage after they exit the system and a majority of them have Complex PTSD backgrounds in addition to spending their entire childhoods’ spent banging around in the foster system. I honestly don’t know how you do it. I look at John and I know that when he turns 18 he would never be able function on his own and he has been in a loving family for the past 11 years albeit some would question our level of functioning . You are a courageous survivor. I am fascinated by your story, I know that doesn’t help you but you have a story to tell and it is obvious people are listening.
14.
Johannah | January 6, 2011 at 11:55 am
I loved (still love) my foster son. I was not given the choice of keeping him. He was returned to his mom. When he was again removed from her and put in foster care, I was not allowed to have him returned to my home- even though I have adopted his sister. It breaks my heart every day that I wasn’t able to protect him. It breaks it even more that he likely sees that failure to protect as evidence that I don’t love him.
15.
abby's momma | January 6, 2011 at 9:47 pm
good point. Foster Parents aren’t the ones that ultimately decide.
16.
Darlene | January 6, 2011 at 3:06 pm
Not all parents love their children, LT. I can’t comprehend it, but not everyone is capable of loving another. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote “A low self-love in the parent desires that his child should repeat his character and fortune.” Your parents didn’t love themselves, LT, so how could they love you? However, you know this is not right. That’s why you’re seeking for something better. Love is inside you, but you have to let go and give in to the risk of loving another. Not everyone is going to love you back…this happens to everybody. But when someone loves you back, it is totally worth it!!!
Writing this blog and daring to bare your feelings to us is a huge step forward in becoming vulnerable enough to love and let yourself be loved. And you are loved, LT.
17.
AnnMarie | January 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm
I can’t say whether any of your foster parents loved you, but I do know that my in-laws who did foster care for over 30 years loved their foster children. They weren’t able to adopt most of them (they did for various reasons adopt 3). Many of those in the latter years I loved as well, although most will never know or remember that.
I would bet one child thought we all did not love her when she was returned to her bio father. But that decision wasn’t made by the family–indeed we wanted to adopt her, but the judge returned her. The three years she spent there we missed her terribly and I know she suffered at least some (she has special needs and can’t say much of what happened during that time so we’ll never know for sure). (She came back into care three years later and is now my sister-in-law.)
So, anyway, I just wanted to give you some hope that a foster parent or sibling in the past loved you and may still. I still think of many of the foster children I knew in their family, one in particular whom I actually asked my husband to consider adopting. She may never remember me, but I hope so. I hope she knows she was loved.
18.
h | January 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm
LT, I get it, I struggle with the same things in relation to God, why would he do this to his children, and cant stand the whole free will thing…I ditto what most said above that it wont be easy but you have the ability to eventually get there with the right person/people willing to be patient with you.
I recently ended a relationship, I was him for right reasons but also ignored stuff that I needed mostly the emotional stuff that he couldn’t provide and with my less than ideal childhood figured I didnt need anyway but eventually realized how very important it really is to me. So like you I am back at square one trying to figure out how to love as well when all my father ever did was berate me.
Hugs…
19.
Tabby | January 9, 2011 at 1:10 am
I’m so sorry you were abused. God dinsnt hate you. the people who hurt you will get it strongly in Hell.
20.
Another Time | February 2, 2011 at 11:48 pm
I believe that if you have a conscience and empathy, you can certainly learn to love if you do not all ready love. Animals are a start. They love back almost no matter what. Meaning as long as they treated right. You treat your animals great and you certainly love them. I know that is not a human, but like I said, animals are a great start.
I heard something today I have only thought about at the back of my mind. Gifts are not always something to just hand out for good behaviour. (Work bonuses do not really count) They should not be threatened to vanish if you do not do something or do not behave. Gifts are given out of care and/or love. Like your card from Dr. Val and your bike from your boss and his wife. They all care about you, LT.
There is a book called “Have you Found Her?” I have only read part of it online, but it seems like an AMAZING book. The main character had a difficult life and she if searching for the one that reminds her of herself so she can help the young twenty-something girl. She doesn’t seem to realize the girl is like her, though. Maybe, and I am not sure because I have only read part of it, but maybe you should check it out…
21.
Becky M. | September 16, 2011 at 11:48 pm
I stumbled across your blog from some other stranger’s blog – a friend of a friend who is very active in adoption and currently waiting to foster. She posted a link of your newest, I believe, post about how foster kids are different from “regular” kids. It’s heartbreaking but good to read. I’ve already wept – with you, for you. For any other child in pain that becomes an adult in pain. I almost commented on your God post but didn’t, now I have to.
I will not tell you that your parents love you. I will not tell you that anyone loves you here on earth – totally possible, but I don’t know. What I do know, is that God – the God of the Bible – loves you. You may not know it, you may not believe it, but he does and if you ask Him, sincerely, and seek him through reading the Bible, he will show you and transform your heart. I hope you do.
I will also not tell you that you will have wonderful healthy friendships and find healthy love, etc., etc. You may, I hope you do, but I won’t tell you that. I will tell you, that the love of Christ is the only love that you need. It will change your life – not your past, but your life. Your entire life. And it will give you life anew and forever. Also, my own personal belief, is that your chance of successful relationship is low without the redemptive relationship of Christ in your life. I simply base this on knowing two women, neither fostered, but both sexually abused by family members and the lives of the two women are vastly different. Christ overcame the abuse in the life of one woman and she has loving relationships, including a family. The other is truly crippled and poisoned by the evil done to her. Both had similar experiences, Christ is the only difference. The phrase, “the truth will set you free,” refers to the Truth – Jesus said, I am the way, the truth and the life. Jesus is who sets people free. People with horrible stories of what they’ve done, of what’s been done to them, and even people with wonderful happy stories needs to be set free from their own sin by the truth of Christ. Everyone needs Jesus equally. His grace is sufficient for everyone – just where they are, wherever that may be.
God doesn’t give crap. The world gives the crap. There is sin in the world, so there is evil in the world – Satan still has influence on this world. People do bad things, horrible things. Sickness is here. Horrible accidents are here. Hurt is here – for everyone. You won’t ever escape hurt as long as you are on this earth, no one does. To some extent, the more you know God the more you understand the hurt of the world. Your eyes are open to more of the crap – the crap that God hates. God hates what happened to you. God hates evil. He is pure righteous good. He hated evil so much that he sent Jesus to be ridiculed, beaten, scorned, mocked, stabbed in the hands, the feet, the sides, and left on a cross to suffocate in the sun. That shows that this world is full of evil – that happened to God’s son! But he died. And he rose again. And that means that he beat death. He beat sin. He beat evil. And belief in Him, a relationship with Him – not just going to church or saying the right things – a relationship with Him – is the only way we can have life. Here on earth and miraculously, eternally. With God, in heaven. No hurt. No death. No crap. Just donuts.
(I read your food post, too)
You will never find in the Bible where God says “Once you believe in me, once you know me, you’ll be hurt-free.” Look Paul, who wrote many books in the New Testament – most written from prison! (Corinthians was written by Paul – - he was actually reprimanding the church in Corinth for failing to exhibit those evidences of love). People were martyred for Christ. They still are today. God never promises that we are free from hurt – on any level. He sacrficed his own Son. He does promise that nothing will separate us from his love once we know him. And he does promise that he will bring about good from the crap. He doesn’t give the bad, but is the only one who can take the bad and bring you through it, to good. The only one. You will be searching forever otherwise.
I want to encourage you to pray to Jesus, to seek him. To find a bible and to read it (start in the New Testament). To read the Psalms, too. Challenge him to grab your heart. He’ll do it. Don’t challenge others, people who screw up, to convince you of Him. Let Him do that – he is beyond able and we, even those who love him, screw up. And please with those who use the Lord’s name in vain, not even following him or knowing him, to commit sin. Go to him, not to others, and ask him.
The God of all creation loves you and wants to know you. Don’t let others ruin that for you – don’t let your parents ruin that for you. You, neglected, abandoned, brutalized, can have a relationship with THE God. That’s pretty amazing. Ask him for that. He will take your pain, he will take your shame, he will bear that with you. He will change you. He will comfort you. He will give you hope and a peace that passes all understanding. You will still have hurt because you are in a fallen world. But you will have hope and peace and joy. You will.
This comment is probably too long. Please feel free to contact me if you want any help in this. I can’t belive I’m saying that in cyber world, but I mean it.
Becky
22.
Kevin | September 30, 2011 at 2:22 am
I wish the do gooders and bible bashers would realise that not everyone agrees with them.
I never had parents !
There was a man that has sex with a woman, she gave birth to me, she never loved me, I remember her telling me “I was a mistake” when I was a child!
She was EVIL, sadistic
He was a BULLY
Outsiders thought they were both charming.
Parents ? never, there should be a licence to have children, renewed only with the childs permission.
There is no God !
If there were, why would he let innocents suffer.
They destroyed any confidence I may have had in myself, this resulted in constant Bullying, now at the age of 56, it continues, maybe death will bring peace?
23.
douglas wood | November 21, 2011 at 2:04 pm
love is really something new if you never been showin ant love. how do i know? i have been there fourteen foster homes yep thats alot of fear,pain,crying on the inside cold as stoneon the outside. growing up a loner. i could get in a fight at the dropp of a hat.no one loved me. when i would fight,that was my way to say hello if you were to say i love you i wouldn’t evon know what to say.all the teasing, all those schools. no one was ever going to love me. i knew it,i was never taught any different it cherr maks for a lonlly life dosen’t i have walked the same road you have been down. just hang in there and may be you will some day find love. i did she was a green eyed drink of water she taught me what love was and when she fianlly got me to lower my guard she open a hole new world to me that was twenty nine years ago hang in there my man hopfully some one will come in to your life to
24.
Faree | December 10, 2011 at 3:11 am
LT, misfortune is as equally distasteful as hate is. life is not fair, nature is not fair and world is not fair at all. Some get it easy just by luck and some have to go through what I cannot even imagine and you have been through that already!
God has a plan for everything and everyone. Someone had to go through that…God choose you. When God chooses a difficult life for someone He is judging all those who are not doing their part. All those who mistreated you will definitely be in hell fire. God has laid out a plan for you. A very difficult plan but He considers you worth it…He thinks you can walk through this…that is why it was you and not me. I would have probably died the very night when i was seven. You lived …you could! You can do more. I just hope that you continue to heal yourself by writing these blogs. God loves you and will show his love…please ask him once more…
There is a life after this life. This world is not the end. It is plain trash. Those who are enjoying this world are actually enjoying the rotten pizza as compared to what God has in store for you in the life after. Why no one was fair to you …because people think this world is everything…the moment is everything…the night is everything and they have no faith. They all deserted you and you will see that eventually God will desert them! But for you there is a Heaven and there is nothing in this world that can compare to Heavens…it is a million times better than the 12 pack krispy cream donut box
I agree your parents did not love you. They were too busy loving themselves and living a life with no faith and no belief. God entrusted you to them. It was not your fault. It was a difficult path God choose for you.
Who ever tells you that God hates you or will punish you is wrong. you do not have to go to church. God lives in you. god lives with those who suffer and does not live with those who are evil. When you are in pain He is right there. Standing next to you. Close to you. He does nothing as he cannot. In His plan a human should protect you…your bios, in his idea the fosters should be kind to you…in his sayings every human should be nice to you. But the heck…they are not. He grieves when you grieve. He cries when you cry and He waits for you to make that connection with Him. He has to wait according to His plan but through all this He is watching and loving you so much that you cannot see as your understanding of love has been marred. You do not need to go to Church…He lives next to you…breath in and breathe out…He is there!
He loves you. Just imagine if you were deaf and dumb on top of all this…I know someone with that issue too on top of all the abuse. Do not compare, you have an art…of writing…of expressing…and see all of us responding. Now you may be scared of us too. There can be a potential pimp in us…and you should be scared. Protect yourself LT!!! You are worth protecting. God saved you all along as you are worth the life and protection and you CAN find your way out with out bios and fosters now…Way to Go!
25.
Mary | December 27, 2011 at 7:43 pm
Hey,
I was horribly abused sexually and physically and mentally at home. Then I had horrible foster parents. The second to the last was a heroin addict and prostitute. A woman that worked at the juvenile court I knew just took me out of there. I would have died in state care. I was on my own most of the time living on the streets after running away. Some of the homes did not feed me so I was starving to death. I did not think I would ever care about anything but I had two kids and I love them. They are adults now. I am 55 and still have some PTSD but I have found love. But it is hard. Hang in there. I don’t believe in a personal god. If I did I would have to say that he was a bastard. It doesn’t make sense to me. But I do believe in a goodness that is the universe that is there that I can spiritually tap into. Treat yourself well. Tell yourself good things. Find what feeds you in this life.
Luck and love Mary
26.
Anastasia Lungrin | December 30, 2011 at 9:44 pm
pain is love
27.
Sparkle Beauty | January 22, 2012 at 2:12 am
I hope you read this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Now let me share a little bit of mine. God IS love, which means his essence IS love, Verb TO-BE. He does not love us sometimes, or when he feels like. She is made of love and love alone. The right concept of love, which is kind and holds no pain. The real love. I can’t explain why things happens to us, but I can share with you the real love that only the Father God can provide. The Bible says that if we seek Him, we’ll find Him. My suggestion is for you to seek GOD and I assure you will find LOVE. He is loving and patient and He will show you what love is and what it feels like to love and be loved. Remember God IS love. That’s all He is. He so loved the world that he gave his only son to die in the cross for us. For LOVE. The devil hates love and he tries to take it out of our lives ALL THE TIME, because he hates God and God IS love. Please seek the Lord and you’ll find the real love you’ve been searching for. I cannot do it in your behalf, it’s a decision that you have to make. I hope the Holy Spirit can touch your heart and drive you in the right direction: to the loving arms of God. God is your real Father, the one who made you and knows you inside out. He does not hate you, that’s a lie from the devil to put you away from God and consequently away from LOVE because God IS love.
28.
Dr Sylvia Forchap | February 2, 2012 at 7:18 pm
I am so saddened to here your story dear. And I hope this helps you. Yes you can still love and be loved.
In knowing I am loved and accepted just as I am, even in my imperfections and shortcomings, profoundly humbles and grounds me. Knowing I have been forgiven and shown mercy when I deserved punishment and condemnation, makes me feel extremely special and appreciative in life.
In this way, I feel the urge, of telling you about this immense, unconditional and compassionate love of his, so you too may regard yourself as worthy of receiving and experiencing it in all its fullness, because it is neither your works nor your efforts that qualify you to receive and experience it, rather it is by his free and perfect will and choice. And I know for sure that if he could choose and predestine me to qualify for this perfect love and abundance of grace and mercy of his, then he will certainly chose you too, or has already chosen you to receive this immense love and mercy of his in its fullness and abundance. It is a free gift, so I urge to simply humble yourself and receive it and watch it transform your life.
Here, I explore with you God’s tender and compassionate love perfected in us through our love for self and others, just as we and they are respectively.
As shown in John 3:16-17, 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. As you mentioned the verses in 1Corinthians 13 regarding love, which is exactly God’s nature, I pray you an feel and believe he loves you and cares for you.
Please note that it is a free gift to you and me, it is not earned and will never be earned. You labour in vain if you try to work so hard in order to earn his love for you.
I hereby plead with you; if you have not experienced or received this precious and free gift yet, to please humble and allow yourself to receive this free and priceless gift of love and eternity, which is made manifest in he tlives of the people around you. Do not ponder and wonder if you deserve it or not, just open your heart and receive it, it is neither a reward nor a loan, you are not expected to merit it or pay back.
All I can tell you from my personal experience is once you receive this love; you can’t help but ask for more and also share it more with others. There is plenty for everyone, it is in abundance and amazingly, it never runs out. In the same way, the gift or storehouse of love which is our heart never runs out of supply. As long as we live, it lives with us, and its full benefits are experienced when we extend or share this love unconditionally with those around us.
29.
Sylvia | February 3, 2012 at 3:38 pm
I am so saddened to here your story dear. And I hope this helps you. Yes you can still love and be loved.
In knowing I am loved and accepted just as I am, even in my imperfections and shortcomings, profoundly humbles and grounds me. Knowing I have been forgiven and shown mercy when I deserved punishment and condemnation, makes me feel extremely special and appreciative in life.
Here, I explore with you God’s tender and compassionate love perfected in us through our love for self and others, just as we and they are respectively.
In this way, I feel the urge, of telling you about this immense, unconditional and compassionate love of his, so you too may regard yourself as worthy of receiving and experiencing it in all its fullness, because it is neither your works nor your efforts that qualify you to receive and experience it, rather it is by his free and perfect will and choice. And I know for sure that if he could choose and predestine me to qualify for this perfect love and abundance of grace and mercy of his, then he will certainly chose you too, or has already chosen you to receive this immense love and mercy of his in its fullness and abundance. It is a free gift, so I urge to simply humble yourself and receive it and watch it transform your life.
As shown in John 3:16-17, 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. As you mentioned the verses in 1Corinthians 13 regarding love, which is exactly God’s nature, I pray you an feel and believe he loves you and cares for you.
Please note that it is a free gift to you and me, it is not earned and will never be earned. You labour in vain if you try to work so hard in order to earn his love for you.
I hereby plead with you; if you have not experienced or received this precious and free gift yet, to please humble and allow yourself to receive this free and priceless gift of love and eternity, which is made manifest in the lives of the people around you. Do not ponder and wonder if you deserve it or not, just open your heart and receive it, it is neither a reward nor a loan, you are not expected to merit it or pay back.
All I can tell you from my personal experience is once you receive this love; you can’t help but ask for more and also share it more with others. There is plenty for everyone, it is in abundance and amazingly, it never runs out. In the same way, the gift or storehouse of love which is our heart never runs out of supply. As long as we live, it lives with us, and its full benefits are experienced when we extend or share this love unconditionally with those around us.
30.
Sandrine | February 4, 2012 at 2:57 am
I was abused by my bio-parents and I was not removed from their house.
I don’t believe in any god, so obviously I don’t think god hates me.
I think you and your brother loved each other.
I also equate love with pain, so when my new therapist was caring towards me, I blasted him with rage.
I still go, it’s many months later and I’m still struggling with it.
I’m getting the idea that maybe he won’t deliberately hurt me, maybe he actually cares.
We’ll see.
31.
melpop | February 14, 2012 at 10:15 am
I have tried to believe in a God but have so much hate for god leaving me in the foster homes and difficult bio parents house for so long I can’t forget or forgive the past. My gaurd dropped a little bit when my son turned 3 and I left my fosters mums house for good. slowly very very slowly I began to love him, I also have learned to love my bf together for 7 years now, but i find it very difficult to trust anyone and I’m trying to love my seconed son but it takes time, he turns 3 next month.
I am able now at 34 to love and be loved, or feel loved, but the upbringing I had has scarred me so deep that I have ever constant fear that Gods plan or the universe or whatever will take it away. The deeper I fall in love with my partner and children the stronger it grows.
32.
carlisle | March 10, 2012 at 11:42 am
I think you can love. I think it is vital for people to love something.
I also think you should enable your site to accept paypal, so if anyone wants to make a donation, they can.
and yes, corinthians is a chapter in the Bible.
There is a good book on why God allows human beings to suffer called When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Kushner.
33.
barbie1368 | April 8, 2012 at 10:29 pm
Hey LT, i can’t stay away from your blog, we have so much in common, wish we could talk, i’ve been in a dismal state 4 so long, i need help badly, i don’t kno how i could talk to a doc tho’ , i mainly self medicate cuz this zoloft doesn’t work , than i get a double effect, “sorry brain”, i think i found one of my foster parents on faceb, not sure, i’m obsessing on the past and can’t live, or function normally anymore, your blog has shown me that my feelings aren’t “crazy’ tho, i’m rambling, happy easter and that was SPECTACULAR what u did for those kids with the candy, thanx for sharing your blog =)
B
34.
jack | April 13, 2012 at 11:49 pm
i culd say God loves u, but we both no that wuldnt do shit anyway. God has to let bad shit happen to us because he nos we cant get to were he wants us to be without putting us thru a slice of hell 1st. btw did u say some of ur foster parents fucked u? literally? y?
35.
Edie | May 6, 2012 at 8:19 pm
I too never felt loved growing up. I was adopted at birth (adopted kids are suppose to be wanted right?) 2 1/2 lbs in an incubator for months…anyway I have had 3 moms all who didn’t take care of me and love me and 2 foster homes, and an adopted dad and step mom who abused me verbally, physically and mentally. Although I have never been sexually abused (although came close at 7 but got away and 22 when I was almost raped and murdered again got away, as I stabbed the guy with HIS OWN knife as he attacked me with a hammer) I have had every other kind of abuse (even spiritual abuse in churches) and I do not know why God has allowed so much pain when I didn’t do anything to deserve it. I have quite an interesting story which included abuse even till I was 18, by my adopted mom. I became a Christian at 22 and that has helped tremendously, yet I still struggle with why can’t God give me someone to love me….I though my ex did and I am sure in his weird way he did, yet through his passive aggressive/covert abuse I realized he didn’t since his focus was always on him. I know how to love…maybe because I was just born with a goodhearted nature and I am more of an optimist and I know what it is like to feel pain, rejection, abuse, loneliness etc…so I am able to reach out to others when no one else will.
If you would like to read my story I think you will see yourself in it. My email should be attached…May God Bless you as you search for answers. If I can help let me know.
36.
james christenson | May 22, 2012 at 12:19 am
My wife has been through the samethings feelings of not being love.People always using and abusing,for their own selish gains.I’m sorry and it pains me deeply to here you say that you don’t think anybody loves you.I’m here to reassure that God has and will always love you. God didn’t allow that to happened,people have freewill,but also God says vengence is His and he will repay.Remember God hears you and wants you to rely on Him.Ill be praying for you.James christenson
37.
Krissy B. | May 22, 2012 at 5:42 pm
I too was in foster care my whole life… between group homes, foster homes, running away i’ve lived in 38 places and nope, no love was found! so I totally understand what you’re saying on this post… i still to this day feel no love from anyone.. have been improving on ‘me’ for years to make sure the pain don’t turn me into an evil person but it doesnt matter, i too feel like i musta been a murderer in a past life or something cuz i truly am hated by god.. i try so hard and see so many unappreciative people get everything out of life and here i just want love… never known what it is to have and hopefully i will one day but who knows cuz at this point i’ve trusted so many just to have been used and abused… It’s a battle everyday… u just gotta stay strong I guess and hope one day the ‘curse’ will be broken and happiness will win.. I love you, i feel your pain and i’m not one of those shallow idiots who don’t understand… hang in there, its all us ‘forgotten’ ex-foster kids can do… oh, and don’t let it win… we haven’t been through all we have for nothing…
38.
truegritton | May 30, 2012 at 5:49 am
I too grew up in foster care, I never had a “me” until many years after I grew up. I wanted to get married so I had someone to share life with, love and be loved by, someplace to belong. Boundaries are foreign. Freedom is foreign. Learning to read people is a necessity for survival. I am so sorry you went through it all. It is part of your experience, it helped to make you who you are becoming, and it can increase your empathy for others, that can be a blessing and a curse, because some people take advantage of people with heart. Belonging is a given for most people, trust is hard thing.
39.
abby's momma | January 5, 2011 at 11:33 pm
I think the point is that if she has the neurology for loving animals she has the neurology for loving people.
40.
abby's momma | January 6, 2011 at 9:42 pm
No, no, you were just fine. I was just making a point. Not everyone does have the neurology for love, but you can tell LT does.