Archive for March 14, 2011
Based on too many years…
Never knowing when or where you might be moved… so that you NEVER have a sense of comfort and security.
Waking up in a strange bed, in a strange room, with strange lighting, and strange noises….frequently.
Forgetting your address because well, you have had so fucking many. And forgetting how to get home, for the same reason.
Getting your period… without your real mom being there. And being too scared to tell “the foster mom” that you just moved in with yesterday.
Getting used to a new house. Where is the bathroom? Where is the TV room? Where are the toys? I’m lost.
Knowing that another “state-kid” slept in the bed that is now yours…you are just one in a bunch passing thru…
Being beaten or raped again… see your bioparents did that, but foster care is *supposed* to be safe.
Being the youngest in a large group home…oh shit.
Fighting off unwanted advances from both girls and boys.
Bunking in a room with 3 other girls…no fucking privacy, ever.
The sterile white small-tiled bathroom…that all girls on the floor used; and where you could get the shit kicked out of you.
The point system. Fuck you. -10 points! Kiss My Ass. -Another 10 Points!
Having to sign out, even if you just want to take a walk at age 15….
Storage rooms or basements that are left open or have locks that can be picked.
Broken toys, ripped books, missing pieces. …
Sitting in a classroom and having no idea what is going on, because you just moved from 3 different schools.
When everyone gets a yearbook, but you because “there is no money.”
Teachers basically ignoring your work, because you will be moved again, so why bother?
Not graduating because you stayed back because you moved so much… and now you are aging-out without a degree.
Sitting in a workers office, for HOURS, behind all the piled paperwork, while she is frantically trying to find a placement for you.
Transporters who take you to and from appointments or meetings; because the foster parents can’t or won’t. Who the hell are these people to me? Talk about fucking uncomfortable. Just more people in our world that we don’t really matter to…to move us around.
Not getting braces or other medical care, because there is NO money, or the only doctor that takes Medicaid is booked for the next fucking month.
Sitting in a permanency hearing and “the system” blowing smoke up your ass, when they state that your permanency goal is “adoption” but you are 12 years old and even you know that no-one is ever going to adopt you.
Family court judges that reprimand your attitude, when your world is a mess.
When your foster brothers and sisters are moved, just as they were becoming your friends.
Social workers that never answer their phone or return voice mail. Almost all the workers I had, have this problem.
Family court judges who focus more on what you wear to court, than what you have to say.
GALs that never talk TO us, but talk AT us.
Having to sign papers, that you don’t have time to read, because the worker has not seen you in months so she did not bring them to you beforehand….