believe
January 8, 2012 at 12:45 am 71 comments
when i was growing up with my bioparents, they never believed me
my mother never believed me when i told her i was starving… she never filled the frig
my mother never believed me when i begged her not to leave because i got scared … she left anyway
my mother never believed me that it hurt, when she took cigarettes to my body and burned the shit out of me … she laughed
my father nev
er believed me when when i begged him to stop hitting me with his fist, his hand, his board, his cord… he kept doing it
my father never believed me when i told him he was hurting me when his big dick entered my little body … he said it didnt hurt, or it was to fix me, or nothing at all because he was getting off
as time goes by living with chronic child abuse, little kids develope amazing defenses to battle the pain. ive written about some of mine and what i experience as an adult
.
when i was growing up in foster care, not too many people believed me either
“the system” did not believe me and kelly’s crys about Mr R-pp-n for awhile … apparently once you have been used as a fuck toy, it is not an urgent matter
“the system” did not believe that i was kept outside and forced to eat food off the ground … until it happened to another kid too
by the time i got to be a pre-teen, i didnt care anymore. i stopped telling, crying, asking for help …
.
all i have done with this blog is write about my life and growing up in foster care. i have tried to provide ideas about how to fix the system and how to help kids and parents dealing with foster care. i have answered some questions by readers, written about nusances of foster care, and what it feels like to be a foster kid. i have not hurt anyone, but tried to help the only way i can right now. CASA rejected me where i live now because i am too fucked up, i have no college degree and no money to be a social worker… so i write that maybe something that helped me helps other foster parents or so that people understand foster care or their foster kids better.
why is it so hard to believe?
children are ABUSED and children DIE because of their parents.
- In the US, more than 3 kids die as a result of child abuse in the home EVERY DAY
- Child abuse is reported every 10 seconds
- 1/3 girls and 1/5 boys are sexually abused in childhood
- 1/13 kids with a parent on drugs is physically abused REGULARLY
- Drug and alcohol abuse in the family makes chilld abuse TWICE as likely
.
would it be believable if i told you how it hurts like hell to get burned by a cigarette. how your little hairs sizzle and the skin bubbles. the stinging is so bad that you try to pull away but your mom is stronger. the only thing you can think to do is sit down. your mom lets go, but the burning doesnt stop. nope. it continues to feel like it is on fire. you take your little hand and wrap it around your arm trying to squeeze the pain away. you feel on fire. water or spit seems like the solution. eventually a soft feeling bubble with liquid in it develops that is kind of interesting, but if you hit it or touch it, it zaps. and after lots of this behavior from your mom, you grow up with some well-defined scars that scream CIGARETTE BURN on your body.
would it be believable if i told you what it felt like to be fucked against your will… when you are little? how a violent person can tear your insides out and you can feel your little self rip. how spit (the poor man’s or rapists lube) doesnt work. or maybe the fucker decides to be gentle that day so he fingers you so it doesnt hurt for him to get in, but he grabs your developing, sensitive breasts and squeezes the shit out of them. that is painful too… little nipples just developing are hypersensitive… but big men have big hands, so they dont get that. or how it hurts to be chaeffed “down there” because your little skin is rubbed so much by big men with lots of pubic hair and rough skin. sometimes it bleeds because it is so raw on the outside. but it doesn’t matter to the big men, they just use some spit and go again.
would it be believable if i told you what it felt like to lie on the floor, curled in a ball, crying in pain and holding my stomach because it hurts too much to pee … because big people have fucked the crap out of me …. but it hurts so much to hold it in too. you see, i cant go and i cant hold it anymore … and my mom, shit, no-one cares.
.
what else do you want from me? come over and see the scars of my life…?
you aren’t being forced to read. you arent paying for a thing. ive never attacked you in “your space,” or any space…grant me the same respect. i poor my heart and feelings into this blog… i havent taken a thing … NOTHING. i just write about my life and trying to help and change foster care. what the fuck is wrong with that? if i was “unbelievable” i would have walked away years ago when people were offering to pay for my dogs, offering me clothes, offering me sneakers, offering all kinds of shit. Blogs all over the web have ads, paypal accounts, etc….. I TOOK NOTHING, but still write.
right now, i am so triggered, very unsafe, and really sad…. believe that.
Entry filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: aged-out foster kids, blogging, Foster Care, foster child, foster kid, foster parents, trigger, unwanted.
1.
caroline | January 8, 2012 at 12:56 am
i believe you
2.
dimple | January 8, 2012 at 12:58 am
you are unbelievable only in the sense that you are truly extraordinary, lt. i believe you and i believe in you.
unbelievable could also be substituted with spectacular, awesome, great, and magnificent. :]
i don’t always know what to say to you, but i always read your posts.
3.
Wtttt | January 8, 2012 at 1:01 am
Please Call 1800suicide
4.
Krista | January 8, 2012 at 1:09 pm
If you read more of LT’s blog, you would know that this is the way she processes her feelings. You would also know that she has a safety plan in place.
5.
Christina | January 8, 2012 at 1:07 am
Dear LT,
I believe you.
I’m so sorry you went through that torture. You did not deserve it!! You do not deserve to be reliving it now. You do not deserve to have people come to your blog and question your authenticity. Don’t they see they are being abusive, too? They need to go the hell away!
I hate the people who hurt you so much.
Please hang on through this terrible time. Cry, eat, sleep, watch toons, but be safe. You are a precious, precious person and are needed in this world.
I’m thinking of you always.
Sincerely,
Christina
6.
MamatoMany | January 8, 2012 at 1:14 am
Thinking of you.
7.
Jackie | January 8, 2012 at 1:31 am
((((((((((((((LT))))))))))))
8.
Cesarea | January 8, 2012 at 1:35 am
I believe you. And I SO PISSED OFF that anyone would tell you that they didn’t. I wish I could give you a hug right now and give them a lecture.
Lots of people haven’t believed me either when I’ve opened myself up to them and shared some
of the horrible, disgusting actions of human beings that I’ve witnessed or been hurt by. Sometimes i’ve found myself struggling not to hate my loved ones when I’ve told them something that happened and they dismissed it or didn’t believe it. They don’t want to believe it. It’s one of the most infuriating things in the world, and I can’t imagine your rage. I just hope that you don’t take it out on yourself. Keep fighting the good fight, and let the assholes continue to spout hurtful nonsense. One day they’ll learn the hard way how naive they were.
9.
Cesarea | January 8, 2012 at 1:38 am
I was so pissed off that I made a typo! It should read “I’m so pissed off” in all caps
10.
originalwacky | January 8, 2012 at 2:05 am
OH LT. I believe you. I believe you because I’ve had a small portion of the abuse you have, and I’ve dealt with people who think I’m lying or making it all up or something equally stupid. I wish there was a way to make you feel safer.
11.
Mary | January 8, 2012 at 2:33 am
I continue to read your blog because I Believe You…Many times I’m heartbroken as I feel helpless to take away your pain because I Believe You…You humble me with your insight and profound wisdom because I Believe You….I Believe You and Love You…
xo
12.
Eirwyn | January 8, 2012 at 2:36 am
These people are killing you. I don’t know if lashing back at them helps you, but I have found it is better to ignore them. That can be hard to do when you’re triggered, though. These people don’t want to believe you because their own goddamn sense of their place in the world is more important to them than the suffering of others. They want to believe lots of false things for lots of ridiculous reasons; they want to believe the world is just, that abuse doesn’t exist or that it doesn’t hurt. They want to believe that they weren’t abused, and worst of all, they want to believe the things they’ve done, that they do, don’t hurt people, or that the people they hurt aren’t real.
L-T, I believe you, and lots of people do. WE know you’re real. WE know abuse is real. The disbelievers are full of shit.
13.
Bri | January 8, 2012 at 2:57 am
I believe you, and I believe in your voice and your writing talent. You are my voice too. Please dont stop.
14.
ella | January 8, 2012 at 3:12 am
I believe you. And I feel so sorry and bad about what happened to you. I don’t understand why adults can hurt children, I am so angry reading your blog. People may hurt you and escape from man’s justice, but wait when he dies. I am so so sad LT, I wanna hug you now. HUG. I can’t understand why you have to experience all of this, but I really really want you to have a happy and peaceful ending. I want every children have a happy life. Such fragile hearts
(( You know what LT, you have touched lots of people by writing this blog. You have become an advocacy for them, too. Don’t be discouraged. Title is just title. Degree is only a degree. What matters here is the heart and motivation. And see, many people can see your heart here. Please, don’t be triggered by what the woman told you yesterday. You are not a fraud. Don’t react. Don’t let others people negative comment or deeds influence your deeds or your mood. C’MON girl, you are the survivor. Dont let this teeny weeny tranny wreck you. Hugs to you. I hope one day I can see you in my country. C’mon, stand up, chin up, focus to that day. Work it out. Everyone deserve a vacation once in a life. Don’t kill yourself. You don’t want to miss that. My country is beautiful, you said you want to fly in a plane. It’s a pretty tropical place. Lots of island, food, nice people, mountains to hike, beaches to wander. Google LT: Indonesia. There’s a very beautiful island called Bali, such a beautiful place 
and I want to see you there. Stay alive, promise me. I know that you are still afraid with open up. Never mind. I still have years of chance. If you told KC about Bali, trust me she will be very jealous to you. Wanna bet 
15.
ella | January 8, 2012 at 3:28 am
This is Bali http://thebesttraveldestinations.com/about-bali-island/…it is the place for artists. They can sculpt, paint, making many exotic stuffs, you will like it. They don’t go to art school, but they learn it by themselves (balinese painting). My father was a painter,too. Just like you
)) It is expensive for international tourist, but cheap when you are travelling with local friend. I am not a scam, okay. I am seriously offering it to you, because I know my own country.
16.
ella | January 8, 2012 at 3:31 am
Here here.. http://thebesttraveldestinations.com/about-bali-island/
17.
Tanja | January 8, 2012 at 3:31 am
Dear LT!!
I don’t know what idiot has written something again that makes you feel like that. Please try to ignore them! You see so many people believing you.
I sm so sorry you feel like that, and that you had to go through this.
Please get help, call Dr. Val, helpline, ANYONE! Stay safe, please.
18.
Cookie | January 8, 2012 at 3:32 am
I believe you.
I believe you.
I believe you.
19.
Nightaura | January 8, 2012 at 5:41 am
I believe you as well. It sucks that people don’t and insist on commenting negatively when all they need to do is stop reading. I can understand being triggered and I am glad you are able to write out your feelings instead of acting upon them. That shows strength. I do not know why you and some other friends have had such horrid childhoods. I do know you and others who have been abused and in foster care and speak out have helped me with my foster kids. I do believe them, even when they are unbelievable. If I didn’t read your story, I might not have known how to deal with some things my kids do. You ARE helping many like me who want to help kids. You may not be in a space to be a CASA, a Social Worker, a foster parent, or a Mentor directly, but you are a CASA here-you advocate for kids in foster care. You are a Social Worker here-you explain things to us to help us understand our kids. You are a foster parent here-you know what your foster parents did that were great and share them, so you “parent” through the changes you make in OUR parenting. And I consider you a wonderful Mentor here-You help us understand and believe and give us clues into our kids’ behaviors. You guide us through the trauma many of our kids have endured. You are helping kids in more ways than you know.
And for the haters-I would guess your direct and graphic details may be triggering them in ways they have no idea they are repressing.
Hugs.
20.
Lisa | January 8, 2012 at 10:49 am
Well said Nighaura. I totally agree. I would add that reading LT’s blog has definitely triggered some things from my past. I’m not sure if it’s good or bad, but I keep reading. And caring about LT and all the kids who are abused. If I were a hater-type, my buttons would definitely be pushed.
I wish the haters could at least hate silently.
LT, I believe you. However, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. You know the truth and this is your blog. You go girl.
21.
DragonMumma | January 8, 2012 at 5:46 am
LT, I haven’t commented before, but I was drawn to commenting today.
There is True Evil in this world. You are one of the few who have seen it and survived. It is drawn to the Innocent and the Great. It wants to erase the purity and the greatness that is. YOU are destined to do great things, you ARE doing great things NOW. Every word you write, every person you touch, changes this world for the better.
These ‘people’, these emails you get, are evil trying to destroy you, to stop your message getting out there – because what you have to say is so incredibly important and so incredibly hard and it can only come from you. Because this is YOUR message.
Don’t let them beat you. You have fought for so long, don’t let them win now. No matter if its evil or those that want to ignore the wrongs in our world, don’t let them bring you down.
And those that say they don’t believe you, it’s not that they think you are lying, it’s that they are HOPING you are lying, because if you aren’t, then what could they have done to stop it? What could they be doing NOW to stop it? And it makes their comfy little worlds rock under their feet. It is their problem, not yours.
You are SO powerful that you can make people think!
You are SO strong, you make others feel weak by comparision.
You are SO beautiful, you make others want to hide their ugliness. You believe yourself to be so ugly and weak and all that negative stuff – but it so not true, because look at what you can do! You make people THINK! You make people notice you and hear your message!
LT, you are so so special. Please, call Dr Val. Stay Safe. You are believed, you are loved, you are believed!
22.
Fiona | January 8, 2012 at 6:30 am
I believe you, I KNOW you are a survivor and so, so brave. Please hang in there LT!
23.
Another Time | January 8, 2012 at 7:18 am
I believe you LT. I’m so sick of people doubting you, too. I don’t understand their need to verbally doubt you. If I doubt someone’s history I don’t talk to them about anything not current if even that. I don’t see why I should make them feel like crap, especially if they are not harming anyone with the lie. (Except themselves of course.) You a real person with real feelings. You don’t take anything from people, and instead you give us powerful knowledge.
24.
Lee | January 8, 2012 at 7:49 am
I have never thought you shared anything but your truth LT. I am sorry if someone else made you feel that way. I wish with all my heart that it was not true, but I do believe you.
25.
LaurKe | January 8, 2012 at 8:26 am
We believe you. And my heart breaks for you, as it does the 4 yr old that came into my care last night. He hasn’t been through what you’ve been through but he wants his mommy and she’s not good for him right now
26.
Becca | January 8, 2012 at 8:30 am
Sorry you are triggered. Pleas take care of yourself. You have lots of believers here LT.
27.
Melissa | January 8, 2012 at 8:42 am
I believe you, LT.
28.
Rhiannon | January 8, 2012 at 9:50 am
LT- good for you for standing up for yourself. I watch my foster daughters learn to do this and I cheer them at every small hurdle. Here is me cheering you on. 2 of them were sexually abused (one by a dad one by a foster parent) and all of them were physically abused. I take their feelings very seriously and your cautioning words and suggestions are helping them. You should write a book.
29.
cheryl | January 8, 2012 at 10:37 am
Thank you for what you share. You are making a difference for many. i am praying for some peace for your heart. so sorry that you are being triggered.
30.
Susan | January 8, 2012 at 10:45 am
I do believe you. And I wish I could offer you some kind of help.
I understand why you don’t take any money for your writing here. But I wonder if you should write a different blog for money? You’re a talented writer. And maybe it would help you feel better to write about something different?
I worry about you as I worry about all children who’ve gone through the kind of horrors that you have. I’ve been considering becoming a foster parent for a while now. Can’t right now though as my oldest couldn’t handle it (he’s autistic and has enough trouble dealing with the siblings he already has) but hope that we can soon.
When I start feeling down about how messed up our world is, I often start thinking of my favourite quote from “The Lord of the Rings” by J.R.R. Tolkien. Maybe you’ll like it too.
“Frodo Baggins : I can’t do this Sam.
Sam Gamgee: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding on to Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.”
That’s my prayer for you. That you will hold on. Because there is some good in this world. And it’s worth fighting for and holding to. Please hold on and keep fighting.
31.
Another Voice | January 8, 2012 at 10:46 am
I believe you and wish I could have prevented those monsters from hurting you. I am so sorry no one did. Hugs to you. Hang in there.
32.
The Sleeper | January 8, 2012 at 10:57 am
LT, I believe you. Please read this. I have no doubts because:
1. You know foster care. You share things that people could not know, unless they were in the system or involved with the system.
2. Your description of your experience with DID is factually accurate, but more importantly you explain what happens to you and what you feel like. Your blackness, your developing co-consciousness out of your control, your confusion. People write about DID, but not how you do… you experience it and share.
3. You write things about you that are embarrassing and shameful, when you were a child and now. In some situations, people might be shocked at your behaviors. You use the examples to help people understand, while putting yourself in a “negative” light.
4. Many people want to deny child abuse exists. It is horrific to think about. As you pointed out in your blog, children are abused all the time. Some severely abused. You have never altered from your life details nor have they changed from day one of your blog.
-
The other things that makes you believable, is that you knew a couple “little known facts” about parole hearings and sex offender registries. You would only know those things that you wrote, if you had experience. (I can guarantee this 100%)
5. I have read your blog since the beginning, when you had no readers. You have grown incredibly. If you were a fake, there would be no growth. There is INCREDIBLE growth! Right?
You don’t need to justify yourself. The reality is your story does happen. To those questioning: Have you ever read books by Dave Pelzer, Torey Hayden, Cathy Glass, Christopher Spry, Shy Keenan, Donna Ford, etc.
Horrible childhoods do exist. I am sorry you had one, but you are making it LT. ((hugs))
33.
Kari | January 8, 2012 at 11:07 am
LT,
I didn’t see the comment but I think you did a very brave and powerful thing by deleting it and saying very clearly what you know and feel.
Speaking as a foster / adoptive mom, I think a lot of us go in to this hoping that love will fix everything. This may be especially true of people who do this as a response to their faith. They often have no idea that in order to help a hurt child heal, they will have to walk with them through hell. It hurts more than a person could possibly imagine. Before they experience this themselves, they deny it. (*This isn’t meant to be disrespectful of people of faith. I am a Christian myself.)
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met with people who plan to foster or adopt who have all the answers. It isn’t until they start to feel the pain of a child that wisdom begins. And wisdom has nothing to do with having all the answers.
You are very wise, LT. That wisdom was painfully gained and I am so sorry for all those awful experiences that led you here. But I am very thankful that you have found the strength to help so many of us better understand. ~Kari
34.
Splintered | January 8, 2012 at 11:33 am
I have DID and I believe you. I am sorry you were triggered, but I understand why. I am glad you deleted the comments. That was good. Try to get out and do something fun today, it might help. Hang in there.
35.
eemt81 | January 8, 2012 at 11:51 am
I believe you. And I’m so very sorry that you were treated this way. I wish there was something I could do to help. Sending hugs.
36.
caroline | January 8, 2012 at 11:57 am
I never understand why people read blogs and say negative or hurtful comments. It is appropriate to have a discussion about ideas or thoughts, but not appropriate to cast judgement on the blogger, especially from people proclaiming to be Christians or religious.
LT, I believe you.
37.
YW | January 8, 2012 at 11:58 am
google Oprah and her childhood sexual abuse and how she coped with it.. I tried to add a link but wordpress kept blocking it..
she spoke alot about forgiveness to her abuser(s) I know that must be the hardest thing to do but I know it helped her go on with her life
(ok being one of the richest women in the world might help a bit too)
but I do think she is amazing and how she has overcome her painfull past..
and sending lots of hugs hugs hugs.. hugs can really help heal as well. sending lots of them
YW
38.
Kryss | January 8, 2012 at 12:55 pm
Forgiveness is not for everyone.
Personally, I do not think I have to forgive anybody who abused me. It isn’t my place, wasn’t my choice, and had nothing to do with me except that I was there.
I needed more to forgive myself, to get rid of all the blame and hate and frustrations and ‘my faults’ that lurked in my head. When I put the blame squarely where it belonged, with my abusers, I had a huge turning point in my healing.
39.
Liberty | January 8, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Yes. Some things are not forgivable, especially if an abuser never had remorse or showed concern.
Forgiving yourself and finding a way to love yourself can be incredibly healing.
40.
Kat | January 9, 2012 at 3:46 am
LT, honey – I’ve been reading and commenting for a few weeks; I don’t know if you’ve gotten any of them.
Anyway, I’d just like to say this:
You’re awesome, and I wish you realized it as much as your readers do. Disregard your critics (in other words, fuck the haters). Some people never grow out of elementary school bullying. You can, and you will, rise above them.
Also, try and get out of the house. I’m a little concerned that you haven’t mentioned KC on the blog in weeks. Are you still in contact with her?
Sending you warm thoughts,
Kat
41.
Foster Mom in Training | January 8, 2012 at 11:58 am
I believe you, LT. It’s because of your story that I’m choosing to help older kids instead of just infants and toddlers. I was afraid of what might happen. You helped me to understand so that I could help them instead of being fearful. Thank you for that, LT. Your words are helping other children. Please remember that. ((Hugs))
42.
Kat | January 8, 2012 at 12:08 pm
I believe you.
It’s the kids like you that made me want to become a foster parent in the first place.
Their cries are the ones that keep me awake at night.
The cries of the lonely.
The frightened.
The lost.
And even though I don’t foster anymore, I’ll always fight for the ones who have no one.
You are a strong person. Keep fighting.
Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
- Helen Keller
43.
butterflysblog | January 8, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Sweet LT – it sounds like another disgusting shithead said something mean to you? I wish I could protect you from these haters. When I first started my blog, I got some pedophiles who said terrible things. I had to talk about it with other bloggers, and ended up putting my blog on moderated status. Whoever comments has to have a blof of their own. Now I get no shitty comments, but I also get a lot less comments in general.
What happened to you was 100% wrong and 100% their fault. You are a sweetheart, and your whole blog crew believes you.
-Butterfly
44.
meagain | January 8, 2012 at 12:57 pm
I believe you. This blog was what cemented my decision to volunteer with foster kids, which I’ve been doing since the summer. I know it feels like your anguish has no boundaries, or like you’re screaming into the void, but please believe there are people on the other side listening…
Hang in there, last year was better for you and it will keep getting better if you can give it space to develop.
45.
Kryss | January 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm
I believe you also.
I think I’ve mentioned multiple times how i have come from a similar background…. and I have faced the exact issues that you are currently facing.
What I have found is that the people who have believed me, have been the people who have been the most lovely people to have in my life. They have been compassionate, understanding, patient and helpful.
Those who didn’t believe me, I just left them there- because they will simply never understand me as a person. I don’t bother or give my time to them anymore…but it does bring back painful memories of times when I desperately needed to be believed and I wasn’t.
You are shouting from the rooftops so to speak. There will be those who don’t believe you…and there are those who believe the earth is FLAT! (And disagree with anybody who says it is round) But those who stop, listen and pay attention are the people who are important. Because it takes just one person believing out of thousands who don’t believe to provide comfort, advice, and listen.
Take gentle care,
You are most certainty believed by many people.
46.
Krista | January 8, 2012 at 1:14 pm
I believe you, LT.
Anyone who doesn’t believe you is a nitwit.
47.
Kay | January 8, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Ever hear the phrase “truth is stranger than fiction”? I believe you… I don’t think anyone could make up the stuff you write about and the way you write it. Someone not believing you says everything about them and nothing about you. People want to think we live in a “just world” and they feel threatened when confronted with the fact that it just isn’t so. By denying your experiences, they mistakenly think they can protect themselves/their lives from being touched by evil. Either that or they are evil themselves and seeing the effects makes them feel guilty. Either way they are not worth listening to.
48.
Tia | January 8, 2012 at 3:02 pm
I was thinking about you and I wondered, have you ever blogged about what you want/think of when you think of having a mom/family? I was curious because what if…just what if your future mom is reading your blog, but she’s scared? What if she wants to reach you but is scared she isn’t what you want, need, longed for?
Anyway, you may have already done this, but I’ve only been following you for about 2 months or so. If you have and wouldn’t mind, could you link to where you wrote about it?
You know, I think you have a gift in writing. Maybe you could work on writing a book. I love to read, especially when it’s a book about a former foster child’s life. It sure helps me to be a better foster mom. Thank you so much for pressing on each and every day to reach out and help others.
God bless you sweetie!
49.
Michelle | January 8, 2012 at 3:09 pm
I believe you LT.
50.
Laurie | January 8, 2012 at 6:35 pm
I believe you. I believe you, and I believe in all of the things that you are trying to do to help. As somebody else who has been hurt, I believe you because I have also lived it.
51.
Liberty | January 8, 2012 at 6:43 pm
I felt your incredible pain in this blog entry.
I am sorry LT. I hope that you are taking care of you and being gentle with yourself. I wish I could hug you.
52.
michelle v | January 8, 2012 at 7:14 pm
powerful telling.
that said, delete the unbelievers and leave them to their negative lives
you have a positive one to live.
you can do it
add social worker to your life collage i suggested in the last post.
it is a profound life tool. try it
♥ michelle
53.
K | January 8, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Oh, LT, I’m so sorry. We believe you, alright?
54.
Pat | January 8, 2012 at 11:50 pm
Dear LT – I believe in you. It hurts me that someone has obviously made negative comments about your blog. You would not accept help when I offered it. I know you are telling the truth. Consider the source of the negative comments – they are not worth the reaction you are giving them. ((Hugs))
55.
L | January 9, 2012 at 2:53 am
thank you for sharing. sending positive thoughts hun.
56.
Ross | January 9, 2012 at 2:56 am
LT many of you readers believe you and believe in you including me!
take care
xoxo
57.
Breezer | January 9, 2012 at 3:54 am
LT –
I have read all of your posts and it breaks my heart to know you have lived through such awful things. I am so sorry!
As part of your blog crew, I not only believe you, but I believe in you too! I am amazed by your strength and your courage. Thanks for being brave enough to speak out! You are helping so many more people than you could ever imagine! Keep fighting! You are in my thoughts and prayers! ♥
58.
Living Day by Day | January 9, 2012 at 9:05 am
I will be honest, I had to stop reading! I couldn’t go on. You are NOT alone…and we believe you! LT….you are doing it…getting this all out instead of keeping the feelings in is working. Live second by second, minute by minute…and then day by day. It is never easy.
59.
Rose | January 9, 2012 at 9:12 am
Thinking about you today LT. Please don’t let a few people overshadow your blog crew and others in your life. I know it hurts, but there will always be negative people in the world, and you are much stronger then they are.
Do I believe you? Yes. You describe your life with such meticulous feelings and expressions. You write dictated by your feelings. Your feelings are what make this blog so powerful. You draw us readers in to feel both your pain and joy with your words. It is much harder to write from feelings then to just give facts.
Hang in there!
60.
Dinah | January 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm
I believe you and I still want to help you. I wish that you would call or email me but it’s OK if you don’t. I mean, sucks for me but it is up to you. Quit reading peoples shit about not believing in you. Love, you.
61.
Lika | January 9, 2012 at 6:32 pm
Someone who suffered abuse as a child once told me that people who invalidate or dismiss abuse are just as bad as abusers. I can see why she said that. To accuse a victim/survivor that they are lying or making up something that caused them REAL pain and hurt them immensely must be hugely devastatingly. It’s a rotten and hurtful thing to do.
For what it’s worth, I believe every word you write in this blog, and it breaks my heart you suffered and still suffer so much. What was done to you was wrong. It shouldn’t have happened.
62.
Beth | January 9, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Sad that some will not believe what they can see. I believe you, and I am glad that you have the courage to talk about and relive your experiences so we (your readers) are benefited by it. As a foster mother, your experiences are invaluable to me as I watch and learn about the kids in my care. Thank you again. Stay strong and keep telling your story.
63.
pam | January 9, 2012 at 8:00 pm
I think that some people do not want to belive you because they dont want to belive that children are abused in such horrable ways. they dont want it to be real because they cant face truths like yours. but as long as people keep behaveing like that (thinking oh there no way it was really that bad she has to be exaterating and such) and as long as people keep that mind frame, abused kids are going to suffer.
I wish I could wrap you up in the softest, warmest blanket on earth and make everything better for you
have you ever considered knitting? I think i might be a hobby you would enjoy, I find the repetiveness of it and the feel of the yarn runing threw my fingers very soothing
64.
we'veadoptedsix | January 9, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Dear one, just checking in on you today. Your posts always help me in some way. Wish I could do something to help you.
I really don’t understand the “troll” mindset. But I hope YOU can believe ME when I say, the large, large majority of your readers are here because you are helping us in some way. You help me have the patience and the understanding that I need so desperately each day in a household with six teenagers, each one with a different background and different issues. You help me to remember that although I love them all dearly, their stories did not start with me.
I also hope that you can sometimes feel the love and positive energy that people who read your writing are sending you. Take care of yourself, dear one. Give the furballs some hugs from me.
65.
KP | January 10, 2012 at 12:51 am
I believe you, LT. I really, really do.
66.
tikunolam | January 10, 2012 at 11:15 am
People who don’t believe are too weak to handle what it is to live in a world where the innocent can be tortured beyond anything they could imagine. They want to live in a world where god protects the innocent children because he loves them all or believe that a god doesn’t give anyone anything that they can’t handle or they want to believe that “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
You know, they have done research on people with depression and they found that people who are depressed are “realists” not pessimists. Those who aren’t depressed are optimists and tend to ignore a lot of reality.
I have met way to many kids (and adults) who have been treated in the ways you describe to know it exists and it is much more common than people will ever know due to under reporting.
You aren’t writing for those with their heads in the sand. You are writing to let the rest of us know how it is, how to make sense of it and how to be a piece of the puzzle when it comes to making it better for those suffering.
67.
Crumble | January 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Hey LT,
i don’t know what happened – but i am sorry that you are triggered. Some people just have shit for brains – so don’t worry about what you say. Your blog has touched a lot of lives – and you are making a difference, BELIEVE THAT!
Thinking of you, and wishing you well.
68.
pajanguin | January 12, 2012 at 8:37 am
Heya, LT–
You are totally believable, sometimes frighteningly so. Don’t let the haters get you down. ::hugs::
69.
Jules | January 13, 2012 at 7:37 am
Just got caught on your blog. Not sure who has been writing that they don’t believe you. forget them Lt think of the MANY people who do believe you thats what matters! And the many foster parents and kids you help every day. just by writing this blog. please don’t let haters bring you down. they are not worth it they don’t know you or what you ahve been through. take care of yourself ok. theres so many people out there who has never even met you that care about you and I’m one of them.
70.
Eirwyn | January 15, 2012 at 3:09 am
I feel like I should apologize for my earlier comment. I didn’t realize how dismissive it seemed. I agree that it’s very strong of you to write this post. Internet bullies trigger me and make me anxious too, so I usually deal with them by ignoring them- blocking them, deleting their comments. It would be harder for me to confront them. You are very brave.
71.
RW | January 18, 2012 at 7:10 pm
LT, I think since I started reading you have been getting stronger and better at handling the hurtful accusations of fakery. I believe that confronting them on the blog can be a way for you to learn how to handle insensitive assholes and other triggers in real life.
I agree with the other commenters who said that people choose to disbelieve you because they don’t want to face the reality of how much horrific child abuse takes place and how abysmal the child welfare system is. They remind me of holocaust deniers’ mentality: it wasn’t that bad, but you’re so bad, you deserved it anyway.
I have to disagree with you about your parents not believing that they were causing you pain. They must have known that they were hurting you in a lot of those examples because that was their goal, their sole reason for the behavior. After all, sometimes they told you they were doing those things to punish you, which would make no sense if they believed those things didn’t hurt you. No, they denied your pain to your face in order to shut you up, because at that moment they wanted to enjoy their sadism quietly, or else because the particular words you used confronted them too honestly with their cruelty. They were (are) the scum of humanity. Truly I can’t come up with words terrible enough to describe them.
That said, the other people, the disbelievers who knew about or should have known about your sufferings, but chose to doubt you because it made their lives easier, they are only a little less culpable. Like your mother, although less directly, they too allowed abusers access to a defenseless, already severely injured little girl.
I can never forgive these acts.