fatty tumor
January 20, 2012 at 10:20 pm 28 comments
I walked to work today to use the phone, because my phone is still disconnected and I needed to call my vet. Last week, my dog, Moonlight, went to the vet because she has a lump on her side. The vet took some liquid out of the lump with a syringe and sent it to the lab. She told me it would take 7-10 days for the results. I arrived at work and I called, but my vet was in a room with another patient. The vet tech said she would call me back shortly since she was almost done.
I waited in fear and sadness, hoping that Moonlight would be ok. The phone rang and I picked it up…
ME: “hello?”
VET: “LT?”
ME: “hi, Dr K, it’s me. “
VET: “Hi LT. How’s Moonlight? … I tried calling you a couple of times, but your phone is disconnected…”
ME: “yeah, sorry… i know. i gotta fix that. … sorry.. did the test come back?”
VET: “Yes, the needle aspirate results came back and its good news. Moonlight has a fatty tumor…”
ME: “……is that cancer?”
VET: “No. It is a benign tumor, not cancer. Many geriatric dogs get them. We need to watch it, but we will leave it alone for now. You know it is a big risk to put Moonlight under because of all her condition and all the medications she takes, so we will just let it be. If it gets bigger or starts to bother her, we might have to take another look.”
ME: “.. so its not cancer.. right?”
VET: “Right.”
ME: “whew, im really glad. thanks.”
VET: “I’m glad too. Call if you have any questions.”
ME: “thanks for your help. bye.”
We hung up and I left to go home and take a nap; this week has been over-the-top. As I was walking, I felt overwhelmed with questions… Why is it a tumor but not cancer? Why does Moonlight have a fatty tumor… she is not fat at all? Why does she keep getting these weird things? Why does all this stuff happen to her?
Then I felt overwhelmed with feelings as I recalled that my vet referred to Moonlight as “geriatric.” I know why she does that, I do… but it hurts. My settlement will provide money that will let me care for her without worrying now… but…
All the money in the world can’t make Moonlight any younger.
All the money in the world can’t make Moonlight be with me forever.
All the money in the world can’t stop my dog from getting old and dying.
… and …
All the money in the world can’t make me live without her…
Like this:
Entry filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: aged-out foster kids, alone, death, dog, Foster Care, foster child, foster kid, sick dog, suicide.
1.
Christina | January 20, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Dear LT,
I know. It sucks. I’m sad for you.
Sincerely,
Christina
2.
Krista | January 20, 2012 at 10:32 pm
Sweet LT, I am so glad that Moonlight’s lump turned out to be a fatty tumor (the fancy name for it is a lipoma, pronounced lie-poh-ma), because those aren’t harmful…they just show up one day and don’t do anything good OR bad. They are just…there.
It is an awful thing, watching our pets age faster than we do. It’s not fair that they don’t live as long as we do. But please, dearest LT, please think of living even after Moonlight is gone — you’ll still be needed by Shadow, by Harbor, by KC, by Jessie, by Dr. Val, by your blog crew, and by all of those foster kids that you help by giving us advice and tips.
3.
Jodi | January 20, 2012 at 10:40 pm
Moonlight (and your other fuzzy family members) is so lucky to have you for a Mommy. You have so much love to give LT.
4.
Foster Mom in Training | January 20, 2012 at 10:42 pm
HOORAY that Moonlight’s tumor is just fat! My dog had one and lived for many years. It never bothered him.
I know that it sucks that Moonlight is old. Losing a cherished pet is really hard, LT. Please remember that Moonlight would kick your rear for thinking like this.
Moonlight loves you. She’s a fighter just like you are. Krista is right. You are needed by so many. I don’t think you let yourself realize that how many people genuinely care about you. Shadow, Harbor and Moonlight ALL depend on you. Just like with children, there are so many pets that need loving, caring homes, too. Perhaps you could look towards helping other animals when Moonlight’s time comes. It would be a great way to honor her memory. HOWEVER, she’s not going anywhere right now. Cherish her. 
5.
Amber | January 20, 2012 at 10:45 pm
I cringed and felt the warmth of new tears as I read that last line. Now I’m praying that you find hundreds of things to live for.
6.
abbys momma | January 20, 2012 at 10:50 pm
Even if Moonlight was just a puppy right now she wouldn’t live forever. It really stinks though I know. My dog is very old too. Still listening…
7.
ella | January 20, 2012 at 10:54 pm
Hugs LT :’(
8.
bec | January 20, 2012 at 10:57 pm
that’s good news. celebrate his life today! make the most of what you have today, leave the worrying for another day.
9.
ella | January 20, 2012 at 10:58 pm
I post a comment about organic dog food that you might be interested, but it went to spam I guess? Just check that. I Read about it in someone’s blog.
10.
KimB | January 20, 2012 at 11:02 pm
Good news!! Cherish every moment LT because you will hold the memories of those moments forever. Right now, things are good. Focus on the now. ((LT))
11.
Another Time | January 20, 2012 at 11:07 pm
Thank god it was benign LT!!! So glad Moonlight will be around yet!!!! I don’t understand all of it enough to even begin to explaining it to you because I blanked it when I went through it, but I am sure someone else can. (maybe has, I haven’t read comments yet) Yay, Moonlight doesn’t have cancer!!
Sorry she’s getting old.
Wish there was an anti-aging potion for her.
12.
Splintered | January 20, 2012 at 11:53 pm
What a week! Tons of emotions. Unfortunately pets age faster than we do. I wish I had some wise words, but I don’t. I do know that there are many dogs that need to be rescued; they don’t replace yours, they just join your family. **hugs LT**
13.
Crumble | January 21, 2012 at 12:16 am
I don’t know how I will survive when my cat leaves this world. I know that there are a lot of other things in life, but I can’t imagine living without her. I hope Moonlight lives for a LONG time.
14.
An Ordinary American | January 21, 2012 at 12:23 am
At the risk of anthropomorphizing, I would ask you if you would want Moonlight to have taken her own life if you had not survived the encounter with the motorist?
We honor our pets by learning from them, and taking what we learned and teaching it, applying it, adding it to the newest four-legged best friend that comes afterwords.
Think of the unwanted dogs in the shelters all around you. Think of the love, compassion, dedication and friendship you have given Moonlight. Think how that would all go for naught if you were not around to honor Moonlight by rescuing another dog and thus honoring Moonlight when her time is up and she ascends into Heaven, where God will be pleased because of the pleasure, warmth, friendship and unconditional love Moon brought you–and you, her.
Continue to love your Best Friend and let her love you back. Fatty tumors? My breed is Dobermans and they get riddled with them starting at about age seven/eight. It always concerns me, but at the same time, it always reminds me of how blessed we are to have such awesome friends.
I miss them when they head up to the Big Kennel, but I honor them by opening my home and heart to another animal and imparting what I learned from dogs before them.
Think about your last line in your post again. Think about what you’ve overcome and how much of the world is out there for you to conquer.
You’ve never struck me as a quitter. Ever.
–AOA
15.
MamatoMany | January 21, 2012 at 1:11 am
Thinking of you. Always.
16.
Kari | January 21, 2012 at 7:14 am
LT,
You might remember that we are fostering a dog for the shelter who was not expected to live long when we got him. Sampson came to us on 3 daily medications and his stomach is riddled with fatty tumors. He has arthritis and there have been days when we’ve had to carry him down the front porch steps to do his business (he weighs 90 lbs!) But he’s happy and he’s still going strong. He loves to be in the kitchen with me when I’m cooking and he practically owns the two couches in our living room.
I had debated about bringing him home when we did a year ago. I was afraid that my children who have already suffered so many losses would not be able to love and then lose someone else. It will be hard when we lose Sampson, but the kids have talked many times about how much better his year with us has been than the year he spent in the shelter.
Don’t let all those losses you’ve experienced keep you from loving. That would be the worst loss of all. ~Kari
17.
gabberdoo | January 21, 2012 at 8:22 am
LT I want to give you something to think about. Moonlight sounds like an awesome dog, but more than that, a fur person you have learned to love unconditionally. You give Moonlight all the love a dog could want, and so much more! I know Moonlight will feel young again in Heaven but thats a ways off. And I also know that Moonlight would NOT want you to follow him. He is teaching you alot about old dogs. And LT there are alot of old dogs. You are an exception to most people anywhere, because you have enough love to adopt a “geriatric” dog. I’m sure Moonlight would prefer you stay here and share that sweet love with another geriatric old bundle of fur
because…well LT there just aren’t many folks out there who do. There is something special about a person who is willing to give an old dog a loving last few weeks, months or years. They are treated as throwaways as they get old. It sucks. Moonlight is paving the way for you….for a future.
18.
The Sleeper | January 21, 2012 at 9:58 am
LT, you take such good care of Moonlight, it is amazing. When I think of all the hurt that you have experienced in your life, but how kind and loving you are to Moonlight, it is really touching.
I don’t have any answers as to why things keep happening to Moonlight; but just like people, as dogs age there are usually more medical issues that appear. You probably don’t know too many older people, so you don’t hear about their illnesses, but many diseases happen to older people, like cancers, heart problems, brain problems, eye problems. In a way, its almost part of getting old.
Moonlight, Shadow and Harbor need you. All three need you! When you get your settlement money, buy a camera and start taking pictures. It helps.
19.
abandoning eden | January 21, 2012 at 10:09 am
the sad thing about pets is that we almost always outlive them…..so you have to love them extra hard when they are still around cause they are only with us a short time.
I have two dogs too (and one of my dogs had a tumor he had to get surgery to remove earlier this year) and the thought of losing them one day makes me really sad too.
Most people I know who have a dog die will adopt a new one a few weeks later, that way the hurt of losing a pet is helped by the happiness you get from adopting a new one.
20.
michelle v | January 21, 2012 at 10:17 am
i love #4 foster mom in training’s comment. i agree. Moonlight’s time in your life is a blessing. receive it and try not to angst about the future. none of us have control over it. our job is to do the best living we can while touching the lives of the pets and people around us in a positive way every day. hugs. thrilled that it’s not cancer.
♥ michelle v
21.
Eilan | January 21, 2012 at 10:33 am
Hello LT,
and so she can stay with you for many more years!
I perfectly know what are u feeling, and I’m glad the tumor she’s got is benign
I recently lost my fellow companion, and I ended up figuring his tumor was malign ( huge kidney sarcoma ). I know what u are thinking pretty good… not all money in the world could have saved him. not all money in the world can bring him back
But cheers up! Yours is ok, and thats what matters now
Eilan~
22.
MamaMama | January 21, 2012 at 12:03 pm
I had one of those tumors in my neck. I am sorry about moonlight. I hope that you can find something else that makes you feel valued. Maybe you could volunteer at a dog shelter. I seems it is easier for you to trust dogs than humans. I am sure that there are more dogs out there who would benefit from having you in there lives. Moonlight is special and can never be replaced but maybe you could see that your love for him can be reflected in helping other dogs. I hope you feel better.
23.
YW | January 21, 2012 at 12:35 pm
Having pets/dogs is so much fun I love their unconditional love, but when they pass it is sooo hard but you just have to think you gave them such an awesome life; full of love: that is all they wanted!
There is a book somebody send me when one of my dogs died, it is called Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant it is great, it helps ease the pain. The fun thing is that even after they pass away you have years and years (your lifetime long) of memories, we still talk about the dogs we have lost (usually due to old age..) the fun and crazy things some of them did, and where we took them on trips and their favorite scratching spots.. You are giving them an awesome life that is all you can do.. and when they do go, you cry you cry a lot and then later you laugh or smile when you think of them.. and once you are done crying you find another pet.. you will see, it will never replaced one but will help fill the hole in your heart when one goes away.. I cannot imagine my life without my pets.. …
Now that you have some money buy a nice camera and take loots of pics of your pets of KC and Jess and of yourself (have self-timer) taking pics is so much fun and having some of your pets will help you deal with it.. when they do go.. but hey no worries about all this sad ssstuff think positive it is not cancer your pets will be around for a long time you will see – you take such awesome care of them I feel the love for them in your writing
have a fun weekend make a list of what things you do want to buy once you get your money
bike
camera
bed
some fun dvds’
a journal or do you keep one on line ??
a blender to make healthy smoothies
more cozy blankets and sheets for your bed
?
Have fun amazon dot com is fun to shop and search for sssstuff
L8er
YW
24.
Scooping it up | January 21, 2012 at 12:37 pm
I was thinking two things that probably other of your supporters have said but I want to comment anyway to add my voice. 1) So glad it’s not cancer. SO happy for both of you.
2) Moonlight has taught you so much about love and has been there for you, and even though it might feel when we suggest “find a new dog” it seems like we want you to replace her.
Everyone here knows that no dog could ever be Moonlight or replace her. But there is something profound about loving another.
In the way you keep wanting a mother, a family, there are dogs that have been abandoned and hurt in shelters who probably understand you very well who just want a mother or a family.
Maybe you could love each other through grief? help each other heal? I hope you live. I hope you consider going to your local shelter and seeking another connection with a new dog friend if and when Moonlight’s body is failing her.
I personally believe we and all animals have souls and I think she would always be there for you, wanting you to know she is near and loving you, even after that. (I hope I am not being too morbid, I mean well.)
I love your heart and your posts teach me so much. You are needed by many dear LT.
25.
butterflysblog | January 21, 2012 at 7:38 pm
Sweet LT – I had my sweet doggie for almost 15 years, and I loved her with my whole heart. A little before she died, a puppy that was living in a crack house came into my life. That puppy is now my big girl, and she has comforted me through some very difficult times. My point is this: if I had killed myself when I wanted to, when I was 19, my old doggie, my new doggie, and my cat wouldn’t have had a mom. Not to mention all the humans who love me.
I am very very glad you are alive.
-Butterfly
26.
Linda | January 21, 2012 at 11:06 pm
LT: I have been reading for a while but never posted. I am so glad that the tumor is benign! That is obviously good news. I am going to go against most other posters and say its okay to grieve for a little bit about Moonlight being old and knowing you will outlive him,. But then, enjoy him now and don’t worry about what will happen when he goes. You have lived through so much and now have more and more to live for. Take it one day at a time.
27.
Linka | January 23, 2012 at 12:04 am
(((Hugs)))
28.
Village | January 28, 2012 at 8:06 am
Here is a tip for you that I learned in high school:
A lot of English words come from a Latin background.
When a word has “mal” in it, that means “bad.” Like malignant. Maligned. Malfeasance. Malaise.
When a word has “ben” or “bene” in it, that means “good.” Like benign. Benefit. Benefactor. Beneficiary. Benevolent.
So, don’t worry about not knowing the exact meaning of a word. If ou hear mal in it, you can just know “that’s bad” and when you hear bene in it, you can just know “that’s good.” You can look up Latin roots to learn more like good and bad.
When your vet said a fatty tumor, tumor just means “a mass.” Tumor does not = cancer.