**What I would say to all my ex-foster parents...

The other day I posted a poem by Urban Servant.  In that poem, Urban Servant writes what she imagines a conversation would be like with the ex-foster children she never adopted.  She wrote it from the perspective of a foster parent…

So, here is how that meeting would go …from a foster youth’s perspective, who survived many placements and was never adopted….

Urban Servant’s is much better poetically, but maybe that says something too…

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.

Words to you.

If I was hanging out in the street,

And my ex-foster parents came within a few feet,

What would I do, what would I say,

Oh fuck, maybe I will just run away.

You didn’t want me then, you didn’t truly care,

I was probably your worst living nightmare.

.

There were some foster parents who dumped me,

That I have regrets and feel very badly.

My behaviors, my actions, and my emotions,

Caused nothing but constant commotions.

I was scared and alone and filled with such worry,

If I met them now, I would say I am sorry.

I wish they had kept me, I wanted to stay,

I was too hurt and scared to behave your way.

.

There were some foster parents who dumped me,

If I saw them now, I might start to flee.

They raped me or beat me, or treated me like shit,

I would be really scared, I have to admit.

But if I saw them now, I’d look them straight in the eye,

“I’m no longer little, are you still a tough guy?”

I would scare them to pieces by flashing  a knife,

Watching them squirm and be afraid for their life.

Letting them feel exactly like I did,

When I lived with them as an abused, scared kid.

Although it seems weird, I wish they let me stay,

It would have been stability, since no-one wanted me anyway.

.

There were some foster parents who dumped me,

That if I saw now, I would be confused and I’d plea.

Why did you dump me, I never knew why,

For months everyday I would cry and cry.

Was I that bad, was I that hated,

The reason I was dumped was never stated.

I wanted to stay, I did not want to move,

If you told me what was wrong, maybe I could improve?

.

So many foster parents throughout my childhood,

A mom, a dad, siblings, pets, and a home would have been good.

But none of them became my forever family,

What the fuck is so very wrong with me?

You have no idea what I did to survive,

All the homes, on the streets, it’s a miracle I am still alive.

You might have forgotten and you probably moved ahead,

But I’m still all alone, wishing everyday I was dead.

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