Our two foster daughters moved in 11 months ago – it’s going okay I guess I am not sure how to quantify it . . . we think they are well adjusted and we love having them in our lives. Their bio mom’s rights were terminated last month. Our 7 year old does not have many friendships and we’re trying to encourage that. Our 12 year old recently stole from her friend.

Social workers have been telling us to get them both in therapy and they don’t even yet know about the stealing incident. The last therapist they sent us to had offered to work pro bono with the girls because he personally has adopted children . . .his office is old, dirty and dingy, our first visit he wore stained sweatpants . . .he literally had his eyeglasses taped together . . .then he told us not to worry about how the girls are doing in school . . .

I have no clue on what to do here – do we send them to this therapist that the social worker recommends or do fight for someone else? Yes they have been through so much loss and grief and we are here to support them now and always so should school and grades not be any concern? Do we say to them just do what you can and the rest will fall into place or do we encourage them gently to do their best with our love and support?

I agree with you LT – everyone needs a “MOM” someone that represents unconditional love. I am trying to be that person for them and I am torn about where to draw the line with structure and conditions.

I wish someone had stepped in for you LT. No one deserves to be so isolated. Thanks once again for your insight and giving me this kind of sanctuary to spill my muddled guts. You are truly an inspiration.