the MOST important 3 letters in the world
You probably have been wondering why it took me so long to write Part 2 with Dr Val, why I have been hiding from the blog world, why I have been …. well, hiding. Yes I am taking my thyroid medicine and yes I am taking my prescription vitamin D. I am even trying to eat some grapes and nectarines (not peaches, i don’t like that fuzz!).
I’m hiding from life because of the most important 3 letters in the world, that I don’t have in my life
Do you have any idea how much I need a MOM? … and want a MOM?
When I ask Dr. Val to adopt me, I am serious, hoping one day…. she might say yes. I “know” she can’t, but I am hoping she breaks the rules. How pathetic and painful is it to think about an adult begging for a MOM… begging to have those experiences and feelings and love that comes from a MOM. Where 99% of others have MOM memories and secure, safe feelings …. I have complete blankness, emptiness, or even worse, incredible fear. Who goes through life not only being rejected by their biological mother, but also being rejected by many different foster mothers? Holy shit.
There is this quote that says “No Child is Unwanted. Just ask the thousands waiting to adopt.”
How do you explain me? Where were the thousands for me?
There weren’t. I was unwanted. I am unwanted.
That quote is stupid.
Have you ever seen animals that are unwanted by their mothers? … they fucking die if they are not rescued. DIE without MOM. I once asked Dr. Val why I didn’t die. The only thing she could say was “because you are a fighter LT and stronger than most.” That is stupid.
I said maybe I didn’t die because I am meant to suffer for years. Dying would be relief. Living without a MOM is torture.
MOM’s … don’t fuck it up….
…….because you fuck us up.
Some guy named Harry Harlow proved that for babies and kids, attachment and the need for affection were more important than the need for food. He used baby monkeys and made 2 types of “moms” — wire “moms” and cloth “moms.” The wire “moms” had the food, but the baby monkeys stayed with the cloth “moms,” only going near the wire “mom” to get a quick drink. (Read this, it’s cool)
I need a cloth mom.