the MOST important 3 letters in the world
July 30, 2012 at 2:09 am 53 comments
You probably have been wondering why it took me so long to write Part 2 with Dr Val, why I have been hiding from the blog world, why I have been …. well, hiding. Yes I am taking my thyroid medicine and yes I am taking my prescription vitamin D. I am even trying to eat some grapes and nectarines (not peaches, i don’t like that fuzz!).
I’m hiding from life because of the most important 3 letters in the world, that I don’t have in my life
MOM
Do you have any idea how much I need a MOM? … and want a MOM?
When I ask Dr. Val to adopt me, I am serious, hoping one day…. she might say yes. I “know” she can’t, but I am hoping she breaks the rules. How pathetic and painful is it to think about an adult begging for a MOM… begging to have those experiences and feelings and love that comes from a MOM. Where 99% of others have MOM memories and secure, safe feelings …. I have complete blankness, emptiness, or even worse, incredible fear. Who goes through life not only being rejected by their biological mother, but also being rejected by many different foster mothers? Holy shit.
There is this quote that says “No Child is Unwanted. Just ask the thousands waiting to adopt.”
How do you explain me? Where were the thousands for me?
There weren’t. I was unwanted. I am unwanted.
That quote is stupid.
.
Have you ev
er seen animals that are unwanted by their mothers? … they fucking die if they are not rescued. DIE without MOM. I once asked Dr. Val why I didn’t die. The only thing she could say was “because you are a fighter LT and stronger than most.” That is stupid.
.
I said maybe I didn’t die because I am meant to suffer for years. Dying would be relief. Living without a MOM is torture.
MOM’s … don’t fuck it up….
…….because you fuck us up.
.
Some guy named Harry Harlow proved that for babies and kids, attachment and the need for affection were more important than the need for food. He used baby monkeys and made 2 types of “moms” — wire “moms” and cloth “moms.” The wire “moms” had the food, but the baby monkeys stayed with the cloth “moms,” only going near the wire “mom” to get a quick drink. (Read this, it’s cool)
I need a cloth mom.
.
Entry filed under: Uncategorized. Tags: adoption, aged-out foster kids, Foster Care, foster child, foster kid, foster parents, mom.
1.
abbys momma | July 30, 2012 at 2:21 am
listening…glad you are working on taking care of yourself
2.
Danielle | July 30, 2012 at 2:22 am
This may not be very helpful, someone may have even suggested it already and maybe its not what you want. But I am pretty sure I have heard of “Adopt a Grandparent”, where people our age can become friends with older people who are lonely because they never had kids or their older kids have moved away. Maybe you should look into that, but of course specify to the person what it is you are looking for…that you want the relationship for you, just as much, if not more so, than you want it for them. Maybe it is not appropriate. Maybe you would want more from them than they are willing to give. But its something you could look into. All the best.
3.
Ross | July 30, 2012 at 2:41 am
L.T I have no words for you. I wish I could take your pain away and give you what you need.
xoxo
4.
ella | July 30, 2012 at 3:57 am
Hi LT, I am listening. I am so sorry. Yeah, God designs humans to love and to be loved, but our society is just messed up. Very messed up
I can’t imagine your pain and yearning for a mom. It is very normal. I think if you ask me the same question about why, I will answer the same with dr.Val’s. Honestly I also don’t really know why you have topass through this, but I know you must be a strong and tough girl( it is a fact) and we want to cheer you when you feel low. Because you are not you who you think you are( bad, unwanted and so on),but sometimes you forget the fact that you are very nice and kind hearted girl so we will remind you many times.
Today in the church, they sing a song by Triche ( they have it in YouTube, the title is Come all you weary), and I remember you. Hmm.. I just wanna say that we still have long way to go, but you have many friends to travel with. And the end of the path is getting closer and brighter. But the path to the end is never easy, but we will be here for you.
Honestly LT, whenever I remember you or see the bad news on TV( died kids, kidnapped kids, accidents, shootings), I also question God. I feel angry too to Him. Have I told you that I went bitter with Him andbecame an agnostic( google it) ever since I experience something in my life. It is really easy to become bitter with life and God, that’s why it is really important to have friends to reminds us that journey isn’t ovet yet, there’s always good days and bad days but the most important is to have friends who never leave you. Some are bad, but most sticks with you thick or thin.
I hold you in my heart dearly, you are a good girl. You are not unwanted. It’s your mom and dad ( because of the drink and drugs could really mess your brain, like the cannibals). Trust me, even if God gave them the cutest sweetest baby ever, they will still have the problem. You are not the problem.
I love you LT.So much.
5.
ella | July 30, 2012 at 4:17 am
I am thinking about you. Really thinking how we can get through this. Just letting you know that you are in my heart, so don’t say you are not unwanted, because if you do nobody even care to write to you and think about you right? We do care about you ( what is the slang here: we give you a shit – it is kinda confusing because shit means bad but I saw it in your blog pic, so don’t get offended if is bad, I am still learning).
Ok LT, dude, I need to catch some sleep( I just had a swollen tonsillitis) so need rest. You too. Okay?
Nite nite LT.
6.
starclub1 | July 30, 2012 at 5:55 am
L.T
Your words brought tears to my eyes, they are so heart felt. So raw so real. You are loved L.T. You are wanted.
Carol anne
7.
YW | July 30, 2012 at 6:21 am
LT I wish there was something I can do to take away that pain, that emptiness I truly do not understand why you had to go through all those foster homes and that none adopted you.. I know it was not you LT please put that out of you head.. it was them- and who knows what the reason was and why and maybe case managers changed and changed your housing for 1 reason or another… I cannot image what kind of foster parents would do that, I am hoping they no longer have a license and are unable to hurt more children. I am also sure when you were little they did not explain everything to you I don’t know but just thinking. so when they moved you to another foster family it was because of their license or your case manger another family would be a better fit for you (other kids your age? or further away from the people that hurt you ?
I do not know I am new to the foster parenting.. we are fostering a little boy and I do see as foster parents you do not have a lot of power in decision making, it is all up the “system” : the case managers, the attorneys the Judges.. and from the stories I hear from other local foster parents those do not always take decisions with the child’s best interest in mind.. hard to believe, but hearing facts. In the meantime we are loving loving this little boy and I feel our main job is that: to love him, and keep him safe and healthy.
on a positive note Yes! :Great job on eating fruit and taking meds/vitamins.. do you feel the difference yet feel a tiny bit healthier, stronger? little by little you will not only get stronger and healthier physically but also mentally! You will see LT, try not to hide too long.. we worry about you when not hearing from you for too long… keep taking good care of yourself and open up to KC.. I think sharing your feelings like this not only with us and your therapist but a friend you can sit face to face to and can give you a hug or can cry with you is what you need as well. KC is your friend. her family can help you cope with this as well. the more you share your story with other people that are close to you, I feel the more this is going the help you, you willl see
sending big warm hugs
PS Try Mangos’ too they need to be ripe but so so yummie!!!!!!
Hugs
YW
8.
Lee | July 30, 2012 at 6:26 am
I’m sorry; you deserve a mom. It isn’t fair. I am glad you are trying some fruits though! This is my favorite time of year becuase there are so many fruits around in the store. (I live in the Northeast and in the winter there is less to choose from and it is waaaaaay expensive)
9.
Nightaura | July 30, 2012 at 6:37 am
Hey, LT. I know I can’t be your mom, but you have shown me the importance of “my kids” being able to call me mom and hubby dad and being there for them even after they have moved up and on. Even when they left under sucky circumstances (and some have), they are still mine. I wish you could reach out of some of your former families and say hi. Even if you left under not so good terms. You might be surprised they are happy to hear from you. Again, I wish I could help you but I am trying to make sure the kids who come here don’t ever have to feel like you do. Hugs.
10.
Fiona | July 30, 2012 at 9:22 am
I hear you LT. I grew up with my mum, but she hated me, and it hurt. My family was extremely abusive and to be honest, I often wonder (and am told) that I should have been taken off her and that I’d be better off now if I had been. I need a mum too, and craved it so badly – still do. I’ve had to come to terms with that I’ll never have a mum, any mum.
It’s taken a long time – I’m 34 now – but I AM coming to terms with that. And you know what? It will be okay. It’s still very very hard and I’m still broken but I know I’ll be okay. So I know it can be okay for you too some day even though right now there is no way to describe the pain you are in. Hang on tight. You are a survivor, you are living despite it all. And that’s the best revenge of all. xx
11.
granpachuck | August 1, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Key point.. “I grew up with her..”
12.
Fiona | August 2, 2012 at 6:24 am
it would have been better not, believe me. She was a mum in name only. She was an abuser.
13.
Foster Mom in Training | July 30, 2012 at 10:14 am
(((hugs))). Glad you are taking your medicines. Sorry that you are hurting…
14.
Michelle S | July 30, 2012 at 10:18 am
Thinking of you, LT. Just so you know: It’s not easy to get information on “adoptable” foster children. I personally have inquired about many, even some in my area, and have gotten zero response from the caseworkers. Often, those kids are still listed as “available” years later, but the system has failed them. Please don’t take it personally. Hugs LT! Moms are indeed important. But you are also important. Please try to remember that. Your affinity for animals is helping the world one animal at a time. That’s only one aspect of your place in this world, but that alone is worth so much. xoxo
15.
Linka | July 30, 2012 at 10:18 am
LT, I do so wish I could be your mom. I know that is nigh to impossible, but I have faith that somewhere in this world, even somewhere near you, is a mom who, if she knew about you, would take you and hug you and smooth your hair, and take you to the beach, and the zoo, and shopping, and make you your favorite foods, and sing you to sleep when you’ve awakened from a bad dream…she is out there LT, don’t ever stop looking. And if you ever want to take me up on my offer, I’m right here. Blessings!
16.
maesie | July 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm
i don’t think it’s stupid for dr. val to say you are a fighter, and stronger than most… it’s the truth, you really are an amazingly strong person – more than you know.
and i’m glad you’ve taken some of that strength and used it to take care of YOURSELF. Meds and vitamins and fruit! Awesome!
you have so much to be proud of yourself for – don’t ever forget that.
not everyone can go through what you have and not only learn from it but teach others. and you’re moving forward in your life.. it’s not an easy thing to do.
17.
ella | July 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Lt. I just read the news about Lou Xiaoying, a woman who rescued babies dumped in the street. She herself is an old poor woman, but she still took them home and didn’t leave them die on the street. She saved a total 30 kids, but now she herself dying from kidney failure.( read it in Dailymail, Monday July 30th).
Honestly I have no idea how the families can dump the babies like that. Or why many people abort the babies. But isn’t it scary, how people hearts can be so bloody cold?
Sadly, God gives us free will. Some people choose to be good, some choose to be bad. Some has a very good life, but chose to be ignorant. Some has a bad past, but chose to be good anyway. Some people are bad, but trust me, I am glad that the babies has this old lady, and foster kids has you to voice their needs.
Sometimes I do wish though, that God never allow bad people hurt good people. There are times He will, but there are times He choose not to.
Anyway, I just wanna praise you again. Despite the past, you choose to be good anyway. You have a good heart. I believe that you have changed many lives of foster kids. Keep fighting LT.
You dont have to be rich or educated or come from good upbringing to be good people. What you do and what this lady do, is actually a slap for those people who choose to be ignorant.
18.
Diane Laszlo | July 30, 2012 at 1:49 pm
I’ll adopt you. No child should have to be without a Mom
19.
Annabelle | July 30, 2012 at 4:30 pm
That’s an amazing offer LT! You are so lucky. I don’t have a blog, or even know how to begin to write about things like you do. I also, wish for a Mom. More than anything in the world. I too, grew up in foster homes, and nobody ever wanted to keep me either. I wish I could be your sister, and friend. You are brave and strong. You should think about contacting Diane, and just give her a chance. Have a beautiful day!!!
20.
Cookie | July 30, 2012 at 8:33 pm
I wasn’t reading LT’s blog at the time, but she has referenced this before (I hope I get it right) : she had a reader on her blog offer to adopt her and that person turned out to be toxic/lied to LT. I can’t remember exactly what LT said about it, but LT was hurt very badly. I think she protects herself now and doesn’t persue these types of comments.
21.
LooneyTunes | July 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm
yup, you got it right. the lady even wrote a letter to dr. val. then she turned out to lie after months of telling me that maybe she could adopt me. she even said some really mean things about me. so now, i dont even do much email with people.
thanks cookie.
22.
YW | July 31, 2012 at 2:32 am
Don’t blame you for not emailing much with people, protect yourself sweetie, . if something serious would come forward ask Jesse’s attorney to help you do background check on that person,or do some research yourself. I don’t want anybody hurt you, ever ever ever again..
hugs
YW
23.
Fiona | August 2, 2012 at 6:27 am
I’m so sorry that happened to you, so sorry. It’s not like you haven’t already been through so much of a shitty hell of a life and then she does that to you
*hugs*
24.
mamamama | July 30, 2012 at 3:28 pm
I have heard of the monkey thing before, this is a brilliant post. I agree with Dr. Val that you are a fighter and stronger than most. I understand why you think it is stupid. I am sorry you have this difficult life. I do not have any words to comfort you. I hope your day goes well.
25.
Go for it! | July 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm
Dear LT,
I am happy that you think of taking your meds and start eating fruit. Nectarines are delicious, I love them. Have you tried blueberries, with a bit of milk or yoghurt? It’s delicious (and contains many, many, healthy vitamines). Or do you ever nibble on a carrot while watching television? Or prepare a whole lot of raw veggies (carrots, cucumbers, Tomatoes, celery stalks, kohlrabi, fennel) before watching television, and suddenly you see it’s all gone? that’s such a nice experience.
Yes, a Mom is very, very important, and if Moms fuck up it is really, really damaging for the rest of the life. I am hearing you and feeling with you and I understand why you want Dr. Val to be your Mom. Perhaps it’s not even only you, perhaps some of your small alter egos have chosen her for a mom and confide in her, so they really push you to ask her to be your mom.
I am so happy that you write so positively about Dr. Val, it is such a good role model for anyone who needs a psychologist: what you write about your relationship with dr. val encourages people who do not think a psy can help them to go on looking until they find someone as unique as Dr. Val.
thank you for your blog, thank you for everything you write, and keep going, I am rooting for you.
26.
Cocco | July 30, 2012 at 4:30 pm
That attachment theory thing is really cool! You know, when I was 13/14 I was feeling so lost that made a puppet I could hold, bring with me in my backpack or sleep with whenever I felt lost, frightened or needed the presence of someone I “could count on”(so it was with me 24/7). A puppet is just a puppet and a cloth mother is nothing but a cloth mother but… but every one of us need to feel/to believe that there’s someone out there ready to love and help us, no matters what it is made of… humans (animals included) need affection and care as much as they need water to live!
I had a bio family which was far from being as awful as yours, but at that time it was bad enough to harm me physically and psychologically and eventually I’ve grown up with a black hole in my heart and something wrong in my head, so I understand your desire of a mother because I myself desire something similar…
As for the “I was unwanted, I’m unwanted” that’s NOT true!
Out there there are so many women who desired and desire a child (they would consider themselves blessed to have you as a daughter) but bureaucracy doesn’t make adoption process easy. Adoption is neither as easy or as straightforward as some people make it appear, often it’s an incredibly long, selective process and because of bureaucracy dreams such adoption become just impossible to realize to the detriment of both the kid and the wanna be mother.
At any rate darling believe me when I say this, you are very much loved! Very much! You are wanted as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend! You are dear to me and to others and hopefully someday you’ll feel this love and it will fill your heart at least a little bit (I know we commenters are just “abstract people” and understand that for you our words are just words written online, but behind those words there are true big and strong feelings)!
Well, I’m really glad to read you’re taking your pills and eating something healthy:) (so proud of you for taking good care of yourself) try and eat enough fish (do you know any simple recipe?) and eat enough yellow fruits as well as they can help a bit in your case, ok?
p.s:dunno if the link works, it’s just a little thing for you, to remember you that you have qualities that makes you a beautiful lovable person.
http://i1257.photobucket.com/albums/ii513/Cocco109/jk_wonderfulyou.jpg
and this:
I find it beautiful and listen to it whenever I have one those moments when I feel worse than ever. I wanted to share it with you so when you feel like cutting yourself off, when you feel like hiding from the world, when you feel alone you have something to remember that on the other side there’s always someone for you because you are no longer alone.
27.
YW | July 31, 2012 at 2:44 am
Coco, great song! LT hope you played it and listened to it.. we are all here to lean on!
how is KC? did you give her a key to your place yet ? I like that as a back up plan for when she comes to see you and you are too tired to answer the door she can use it for days like that.. ?
also still hoping you can get out there when you have time to volunteer with the younger kids or local foster agencies or with veterans.. you have so much love to give LT and so wise, and I think it will help you a little bit to fill up that hole in your heart.. there are also animal shelters or wild life rescue organizations that need volunteers.. Just a thought.. keep eating healthy or try anyway..
sweet dreams! sending big hugs!
YW
28.
Mary | July 30, 2012 at 4:42 pm
xo
29.
Another Time | July 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Are veggies a requirement? Yuck! Lol Fruit is so much better. Watermelon and sweet grapes are my favorites. I don’t like eating oranges but I will suck the juice from them. Do you like Clementines? Those I eat right up. I think the little wedges are so cute!
30.
Cookie | July 30, 2012 at 8:29 pm
I’m really happy to read that you’re taking your medicine and even that you’re eating a bit of fruit! That’s awesome.
I agree that the quote is stupid. But I do agree with what Dr. Val said about you.You ARE a fighter, and you ARE stronger than most.
I think it’s possible that you could have a mom one day. I know a woman who grew up in care and aged out with no one and got her mom many years later. I hate stories that try to make people feel better because it happened to someone else – I know that just because it happened to someone else doesn’t mean it will happen to you – but I wanted to share that it does happen and my hope is that it will happen for you, too. I hope that came out right.
LT, I wish I could scoop you up and hug you.
31.
Liza | July 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm
Nectarines are the best!
LT, you are wanted. You are wonderful. I wish with all my heart that you will find a mom to soothe you and care for you and help take away some of your pain. But I am positive you are wanted. I’m not old enough to be your mom, but I think about you all the time and wish to God that I could spend time with you in person. I care about you, LT. Keep being your strong, brave self.
32.
Jen | July 30, 2012 at 9:26 pm
Well, you have a fur mom anyway, thanks to Moonlight.
BTW I unsubscribed from the email notifications, but it’s only because I check your blog for new posts more often than I check that email address. I’ll still be here.
33.
LooneyTunes | July 30, 2012 at 11:04 pm
LOL – i logged in and saw my stats was down by one person. i think “who left”… but you gave me my answer!
34.
Butterfly | July 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Sweet LT – I’m so proud of you for taking your meds and eating fruit!
Your meant-to-be-mom hasn’t happened for you yet, but I have faith that it will. In the meantime, I want you to know that you are loved and wanted. Your whole blog crew checks your blog religiously just to make sure you are okay, and every time you post, it makes our heart sing sweetie.
Sometimes it takes a village to raise a child. We are your village and we love you so much.
Love,
Butterfly
35.
Wife Goes On | July 31, 2012 at 11:26 am
That is so true – even when we have moms who are wonderful, there are so many other girls/women/friends who help us and hold us up. Even if it has to be a “virtual” hug – hugs to you.
36.
caroline | July 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm
LT, in many ways Dr. Val acts like a “mom.” I know it is not 24/7 but I can tell she cares deeply for you.
You write so amazingly. The focus on smelling made me sniff to see if I smelled. LOL
37.
Andrea | July 31, 2012 at 12:21 am
Honey, I know there are people out there looking for kids who were and are like you, because my husband and I are two of them. We just completed our home study to adopt from foster care and are waiting to hear about potential matches.
When I tell people what we’re doing they start talking about babies. We don’t want babies! We want the older kids. We really feel like that’s our mission in life. There are so many children out there who have given up finding a family because too many idiots have told them they’re unadoptable. They aren’t, and you aren’t! It’s never too late.
I’m sure the children we’re matched with will be surprised to find a home (unfortunately that’s the reality), just as you will be surprised when you finally find a mom. Have faith, it WILL happen!
In the meantime you’re a child without a mother and I’m a mother without a child. Quite the pair, huh?
Hang in there, you’re doing wonderfully.
38.
Liza | August 1, 2012 at 7:21 am
Beautiful post, Andrea! Yes, its never too late! LT, believe it or not, my mom was adopted when she was over fifty. My siblings and I were teens! But it really changed my mom’s life, even after she had gotten married and had kids. Thank God she didnt abuse us even though she was abused as a child. Hang in there, LT. I have so much faith in you.
39.
Krista | July 31, 2012 at 12:26 am
Oh, LT…I wish I could take your pain away and have a mom for you appear in your life. You deserve a kind, sweet, gentle mom who would love all your parts and your quirks and your fighting spirit.
40.
Cesarea | July 31, 2012 at 1:23 am
I agree with Dr. Val: you are stronger than most. And you’re special in other ways, so keep developing your artistic gifts.
41.
Shae | July 31, 2012 at 2:26 am
also try out strawberries with whipped cream! they are amazing
or apples with peanut butter or even carrots in ranch dressing
Well i can’t be your mom, asI am a few years younger than you, but along with the rest of your blog crew, I can always be a friend
Yay for healthy eating!!!
42.
Ashleigh Parchman | July 31, 2012 at 3:28 am
Your stories are heart breaking. I plan to be a social worker, and hopefully and adoptive parent one day soon, to keep at least one child from ever feeling like they weren’t loved or wanted. You seem to have found so much support on your blog, and I hope that is of some comfort to you. Would you ever consider letting the blogging community set up a fund for you? So that those of us who want you to have more for yourself can help you to get it? If you are willing to accept it, I would be glad to set something up for you, and expect nothing at all in return. So many people would love to be able to help you make your life better!
43.
Jodi | July 31, 2012 at 4:03 am
Happy you are taking care of yourself. Sending you a big maternal hug {{{{squeezing LT}}}}. XOXO.
44.
sunshine | July 31, 2012 at 9:44 pm
LT, I have never posted to anyone’s blog before. I have been reading yours for a few weeks now. I just wanted you to know that you have changed a life-a few of them actually. In May, my husband and I decided to become emergency foster parents to a little boy in our child’s class at school. He had been removed from his home and we felt strongly that we needed to step up and help.
What we had thought would be a few days or maybe a month has now been almost three. To say that we were not prepared would be an understatement. We had not made a decision to be foster parents prior to this situation and he had a lot of things to deal with-many more than the social worker knew or told us (or both). But we did have 2 kids around the same age as this little guy and an abundance of love to share. It has not been easy on any of us-most of all him. But we all try every day. And every night we remind him that we love him and that he is a great and special kid. I found your blog and I read and read and read. Then my husband did the same. We will not dump him; we will be here for him. While he is expected to be reunited with his mother, we will continue to be here for him in any way he needs us-as his foster parents or otherwise. Thank you for sharing so that some of us may see things differently, understand a bit more, and try harder. I wish you peace and love.
45.
Kim | August 1, 2012 at 12:10 am
When I learned about Harlow’s experiment I wanted the cloth monkey/mom, too. I feel your pain.
46.
Kim | August 1, 2012 at 12:21 am
LT, I always wanted a mom and I got really depressed when I turned 18 because I knew no one would ever adopt me. I met my counselof when I turned 24 and even though I was devasted that she wouldn’t/couldn’t adopt me, I still felt so amazingly special that she loved me. It feels like she is my mom even though I could only see her a couple hours a week. It was like I finally had a mom who loved me! She would get really frustrated with me because I would push the boundaries and try to make her my mom, and even though this made her have to set more boundaries with me she never stopped loving me and never stopped loving me even when I “pushed.” Despite her boundaries I’ve always felt her love, even when it was so painful that she couldn’t be “mine.” I’m now 38 and I met a woman last year who has become like a mom to me in many ways. I tell you that so you’ll know it’s never to late to find someone who will be a mom to you. Try to get what you can out of your relationship with Dr. Val even though the boundaries are painful. And you never know when another “mom-like” person will come into your life.
47.
Crumble | August 1, 2012 at 2:24 am
Listening. Wish I had something to offer.
But I was thinking – now that you have a bit of money to spare – would you concider buying yourself a camera? You are so artisitic, and photos can say so much. You never have to show them to anyone – but you can take picture that mean something to you.
Pictures of your animals. Pictures of things that bring a smile to your face (like KC dancing). Pictures that say more than words can.
You could also (if you got really into it) buy yourself a computer (even my cheap one) because they now have programs where you can alter the pictures. So you can make them black and white or?????
You are so artistic that I could see you finding a lot of value in the pictures. Maybe you could even show them to Dr Val?
Just a thought.
Hope you are having a good night (I have eaten so many jaw breakers and candies that my tastebuds are sore!).
48.
Bushbaby | August 2, 2012 at 1:49 am
Hi lt,
Your blog really makes me feel like I’m not alone . I grew up in foster homes with hardly any love… Oddly enough though I felt most comfortable in foster homes where the parents didn’t pay any attention to me… Must be an attachment thing I guess. I was really stupid though. I had a foster mom that wanted me… She even cried when I left… But I abandoned her before she could abandon me. However, deep down I always wanted a mom that cared for me but I was too dumb to realize it then. Dr Val is right. You are strong LT. You wouldn’t have made it this far if you weren’t. Maybe there’s a reason for this mess… Do you realize the hope you give to people like me when I read your blogs about your struggles. I see that your surviving… Even if you believe just barely. And I think I can too. I mean you made a connection with a friend and I think I will some day be able to do that too. Reading about your struggles made me realize that things always work out… No matter how fucked up they are . Keep writing. I look forward to reading your blogs everyday.
49.
Tammy | August 2, 2012 at 2:37 am
some very cool feedback here… hope you keep it in your heart
(do you keep a book of these? perhaps, also, frame sunshine & bushbaby’s comments. good stories to look at when you need)
Smiles for and because of you
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michelle v | August 10, 2012 at 9:28 am
very cool study. you will get your cloth mom one day. thanks for advocating. how are KC and her family doing?
♥ michelle
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FindMeSoon | August 12, 2012 at 6:45 pm
I just have to say when I read your blog I feel less alone. I am a foster child who’s 17 and still looking for “home” and “mom”. People are not as aware as they should be that older kids, or adults who have no one, still needs someone. Countless times I’ve had people say “You seem like you’ll do fine in life… Why do you want to be adopted?” These people are ignorant. We all need someone no matter how strong, independent, or resourceful we are. You are a reflection of everything I feel. Thank you. You”ll find it. It’s out there.
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Jamie | December 3, 2012 at 12:22 pm
I had a friend who was adopted at the age of 21 or 22. She had been an emancipated minor. She met two people at a camp where we were working. It was really cool.
Not sure if you will read this since you stopped blogging. Maybe you will. I hope and pray that you find someone. Life is about relationships.
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Melanie | February 3, 2013 at 11:12 pm
I agree with you that the most important thing in the world is having a mom. I didn’t get mine until I was 33 years old. I had already been married for 13 years, and then he divorced me, and that’s when I found someone to be my mom. I had already spent 15 years in therapy, but it was nothing compared to having a mother who loved me. I am 35 now. I want to say this to you. First, it does get better. Second, you are never too old to find a mother. I have hope for you that you will find a mother yet. Keep looking. Everyone deserves a mother.