Posts tagged ‘drugs’
santa never visited me when i lived with my bioparents. nope. not once. my brother and i knew santa existed..doesnt every kid? when we went to school we heard that santa visited other kids and bought them presents. some kids got alot and some kids got a few…but santa came to them.
one year, me and my brother asked what we had to do, to be “good” so santa would come to us, and bring us only ONE thing. i wanted a stuffed dog that was soft and my brother wanted a superhero guy, it didn’t matter which one. that’s it. instead we got beaten to a pulp and thrown in a bedroom. santa didn’t come that year.
another year we asked what we had to do for my bioparents so that santa would come to us. they didnt answer at first. we thought they might say clean up, dont bother them, pick up their drugs… traditional things. we tried again….. i wanted a stuffed dog that was soft and well, my brother wanted a superhero guy. the same things. my bio-father told us that if we were good and let him “play”, then santa would come. when your a little kid, it’s pretty hard not to “play” big people’s games especially when they beat the crap out of you or make it hurt worse. no matter how much squirming and moving one does, a big person is always going to win. their size, strength, and possible anger make it hard to escape when your a kid. big people are always going to get their way and get to “play” their games. they got what they wanted from me and my brother. but santa didnt come that year either.
i guess santa doesnt care about poor little kids who get abused hoping he will come and bring a stuffed dog that is soft and a superhero guy…
in foster care, it was variable. right? sometimes santa came, sometimes he didn’t. sometimes i got an art set and sometimes i got a candy bar or sometimes i got nothing. sometimes i was an “Angel Tree Kid” and sometimes i wasn’t. sometimes i was left out of the holiday and sometimes i was included.
i never understood why santa came so randomly. i never understood what i had to do more of, to get him to come. wasnt trying to “be good”… enough? or wasnt forced sex and “playing” big people’s games…enough? what more could a little kid give?
honestly the only thing i ever asked for in foster care from santa was just one thing… this time it wasn’t a stuffed dog that was soft; but it was a FAMILY that would be mine. i would have done anything since i was used to doing anything, for that gift. i guess it was too big. if a stuffed dog that was soft was too big of a gift, i guess a FAMILY was enormous.
i guess santa doesnt care about foster kids who are beaten down and all alone, without a FAMILY.
one would think santa would care about those kids that are having trouble, without anything, all alone, etc…the kids that really need the magic he brings…
…oh but wait, …santa is really your parents
…and they would have to give a shit…
i wish someone had told me that when i was a kid.