planting has a purpose


i am so tired and depressed.  But i didnt lay around today… ok, well i did, but only after i planted some shrubs.  Have you ever done that?  i found it to be incredibly calming…


The front of the place I live looked like crap. So i went out and got these little shrubs and planted them.  i actually dug 4 holes and put the shrubs in.  For a moment when i was in the sun and had my hands covered in dirt and was talking to Tide about this (she was sitting on the porch), i felt less depressed and connected to the earth.  There was something about this process that was deeply impactful.

Plus, as you all know I am FASCINATbuttrfliesED with butterflies, when I was doing this, two butterflies were hovering around.

i just hope the shrubs don’t die… because i am not sure i did it 100% right.  If they don’t make it, i think i will get more depressed…


After experiencing this connection and process, i think all foster parents should do some planting with their foster children.  i know, some of you live in the city… well i do too.  Plant something in a pot.

It’s a cool way to reduce stress and of course that bonding thing you can get from this activity.  It seemed very connecting… Plus, it is something your foster kids can remember … and may even think about if they have to leave… That they left something that will keep a place in your space… and continue to grow  And that you can’t forget about them.  And if the kids stay with you for awhile, think about the growing cycle that you can all watch and experience together…

Connectedness… isn’t that something we all need?


September 29, 2018 at 7:07 pm 71 comments

i am a piece of shit and $#%&@%


well, if you have been reading lately, you probably noticed that i was getting depressed since my move.

then i had an arguement with dr. val last week over something.

then after a week i talked with her today

she told me today that “clinical caring” was different than “personal caring.”

that hurt.

then i realized that therapy is all built on lies.

all these years of her telling me “i am not a piece of shit” and other nice things and pretending to be interested in me, are all clinical — no personal interest

therapists are trained to tell clients things to help them — its all a clinical game

personally, she could hate my guts, and believe that i am a piece of shit…. but she couldn’t say that because it wouldn’t be clinically correct

*****……….so here is a positive about FOSTER PARENTS

they get paid a lot less money

they werent trained what to say to me or how to act towards me…

… so perhaps what i saw from them was more honesty


—–and i am exactly what was told to me most of the first 18 years of my life (including from the bioparents).. because none of them were trained to be a certain way



September 20, 2018 at 8:00 pm 24 comments

Older Posts


This blog is copyrighted.
I know that means you can’t take my writing without my permission. If you do, something can happen.
Plus, that is just a real shitty thing to do — take someone’s thoughts — so don’t do it!

I am happy if you want to use my writing to help those involved in the foster care system, but please, leave a comment asking if it is ok and letting me know.


Copyrighted 2009-2018

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Monthly Posts

December 2022