Hold the “happy” — holidays are hard for foster kids!

December 18, 2011 at 12:50 am 75 comments

Christmas is for children and most kids eagerly and excitedly await Christmas and all the “specialness” of the holiday season.  After all, it is a time filled with presents, food, fun, magical beliefs, and family.  Sounds perfect.  But Christmas for children in foster care can bring fears and tears… which may result in acting-out behaviors, ungratefulness, anger, moodiness, and antics.  Christmas may be more confusing and painful for foster kids, even when their external world and foster family seems “perfect.”

Let’s look at the confusion of Christmas that may exist for foster children…

1.  What about my family?

Foster children are separated from their families and it can be extra hard during the holidays.  Even if the bioparents or biosiblings are no longer in the child’s life physically, they will always be emotionally.  The first time “Santa” visited me in foster care, I remember wondering if “Santa” found my brother and gave him a present too… We both never had “Santa” living with our bio-parents.  You would think I would have been ecstatic the first time “Santa” came when I was in foster care…. but I didn’t feel super happy and I didn’t feel”right” because I did not know if “Santa” had visited my brother too…. or if he was forgotten again.

Over the years, at different foster homes, I would think about my mother and wonder if she was safe and had something to eat.  Even though I had not seen her since I got put in care, I would get sad and at times very silent, moody, and wanted to be alone.  Looking at a table with lots of food and knowing that your bioparents might still be living in poverty, hunger, drugs, prostitution, etc… is VERY hard for a child or teen.


2.  How does Santa know where I am?… this is not my REAL home.

This may seeImmobilierm stupid, but think about it from the perspective of a child who (1) has moved around foster homes and (2) has a different last name than everyone else in the home.  How does “Santa” even know I am there?  If the child does not trust you or has not been in your home for awhile, they may not believe that “Santa” will find them.

Solution:  Write a letter with your foster child and send it to “Santa.”  Go to the post office with the child and let him/her mail it.  Santa Clause, The North Pole.   If your child is really worried, there are cheap services that will reply with a “letter from Santa.”  DO IT to help calm the fears of your child.


3.  What if I don’t like this?

When I used to tell my dad or mom I did not like something; they would hurt me.  Old milk, stale cereal, clothes that were too small or big or dirty, being raped, being locked in a room or a closet, almost anything, … if I said I didn’t like it or it hurt or it didn’t fit or it tasted bad or… I was punished for being “ungrateful.”

Therefore, I learned to STOP saying “I don’t like this” or “This is too small” or “That tastes bad.”  You see, I learned to agree… to protect me.

Make sure you tell your foster children that it is OK to not like something.  That not everyone likes the same things.  That is it OK to return something for another size or color or toy or flavor or….  It is OK if he/she does not like something.  And NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN if they tell you they don’t like it.


4.   Do I get to keep this stuff if I leave?images

If you are a foster parent, your answer needs to be YES.  If “Santa”comes or you give your foster children presents, those presents should be the children’s to keep.  Don’t take them away and don’t tell the children they are needed for “other” children.

I could NEVER understand why I had to leave things that I played with or stuffed animals that I held as I cried through the night, especially if the toys, clothes, items were given directly too me.  When kids are moved, these items may become “TRANSITIONAL OBJECTS” to help hold onto some memory that is positive or that is helpful in times of distress.

The more you move, the more you lose stuff or the more it gets stolen.  But it is not uncommon to try to hold onto something — and kids sometimes carry parts of toys, pieces of paper, ripped photos, pieces of clothes, etc.   Items that represent something positive in their lives.

Don’t be a Scrooge.  If you give it to the child, it’s the child’s.


5.  Why did none of this ever happen in my family or house?

Imagine coming into foster care never having had a holiday or a celebration like your foster family does.  Never a christmas tree.  Never a present.  Never a fancy table with lots of food.  Never christmas music.  Never lights.  Never cookies.  Never Santa.  Never a stocking.  Never …. a holiday.

Pretty fucking overwhelming!

I will christmas-tree-clip-art-christmas_tree_with_baubles_lightsnever forget the first time I saw flashing lights on a christmas tree.  I was mesmerized and would try to touch them as they “flashed.”  I wanted to be the only one to plug them in … and I would get upset when someone else plugged the lights in.  It was special to me  — magical almost — to see them come on.  My little self felt such joy at seeing the lights.

At some point, you start wondering why is your family so different… than the foster family you are staying with?

As a little child, I simply believed it was because we were “bad,” but as I got older, I questioned more and more and the answers were hard to consider.  Was it because my parents never cared about me?  Was it because I was bad and being punished?  Was it because ???… why does my foster family have so many “gifts” and I came from “hell?”  Hard to think about during the holidays…

As you head towards Christmas, be prepared to recognize that holidays are hard for foster kids.  A mix of joy and pain, happiness and sadness, excitement and anxiety, and lots of confusion.  Even after years of being in foster care, I was still filled with mixed feelings and memories.

Be patient and engage your kids; bake cookies, shovel snow, make decorations, etc.  Remember that differences in lifestyles between biofamily and foster family can be overwhelming.

Before you yell, scream, holler, threaten, or punish; step back, breath  …and remember that holidays are stressful and hard for “big people,” just imagine being a child/teen growing up in foster care confusion

Keep the peace…



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Thanksgiving Tips for Foster Parents it may be JUST a “comforter” to you…

75 Comments Add your own

  • 1. cherubmamma  |  December 18, 2011 at 1:10 am

    Very, very well said LT!!

  • 2. The Sleeper  |  December 18, 2011 at 1:14 am

    This was excellent! I love how you write from the child’s perspective. It is so valuable. The peace saying at the end is awesome! I am printing it out to hang around.

  • 3. Krista  |  December 18, 2011 at 2:03 am

    Yet more words of widom from you, LT, that will be used by many foster parents to make things easier for the children in their care. You are such a positive influence in the world!

    The peace quotation you have as your final graphic reminds me of another peace quotation I once read:
    “Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures.” John F. Kennedy

    Peace to you, dearest.

  • 4. mjb  |  December 18, 2011 at 3:27 am

    Thank you for your insight LT. It;s very helpful. I hope you have plans to spend time with your friends (your new family) this Christmas.

  • 5. Maria  |  December 18, 2011 at 6:58 am

    Reminds me of a foster home I was in, Santa came every year but most of the toys had to sit on the shelf. They were only to look at and I didn’t get to take any with me when I left.. What is wrong with some people!! Keep strong 🙂

  • 6. Beth  |  December 18, 2011 at 8:09 am

    This post is GREAT! I so appreciate all the time you take to teach us to be better foster parents. I worry all the time that I will make mistakes and hurt my kids more than they have already been hurt. I learn from you each day ways to make their days a little easier. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
    I have a hard time knowing what to say to a child who asks me why our house is so different from their own. Or when they say, “I want to stay here because it is clean and you don’t hurt me.” (Not always that exact thing, but statements like that) I usually just hug them and don’t say anything. I don’t want to make promises about things that cannot happen, but I also would never ever say anything bad about their own parents. Do you have any advice about that particular statement?
    You are always such a blessing to me, LT. Thank you for your writings!

  • 7. Foster A.  |  December 18, 2011 at 9:09 am

    We had two foster siblings, both boys, a few years back. They were here for a year. I will NEVER forget the look of awe on the 5 year old’s face when my husband brought our Christmas tree into the house. “Mommy, Daddy brought a TREE in the house!!!” He couldn’t believe I was “allowing” a tree in the house. He’d never had one 😦 At the time, the kids had only been with us for two months. I wasn’t really sure what they’d want for Christmas, so I casually asked “what did Santa bring you last year?” Broke my heart when the 5 year old said “he didn’t bring us anything, he forgot us.” DO NOT FORGET your foster children! Needless to say, that Christmas was filled with plenty of toys. We needed a box truck to move all the kids’ stuff with them when they moved back to their dad. As a side note, we still see those kids, who are 13 and 10 now. We are really close friends with their dad, who worked VERY hard to get them back.

    LT, you are so awesome for helping us foster parents. There is so much we can’t possibly know, no matter how many kids come through our door. Thank you.

  • 8. eemt81  |  December 18, 2011 at 9:47 am

    You are such a good writer. You are so good about getting to the heart of the matter, and sharing what you were thinking as a kid. I hope this holiday season brings you lots of new, happy memories, and some peace. We could all use more of that. Hugs, sweetie.

  • 9. butterflysblog  |  December 18, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Sweet LT- what a beautiful, heart-felt post. I am so proud of the person you’ve become. I honestly think you have survived one of the worst cases of child abuse I’ve ever heard of, but still you have such a beautiful heart. I am so grateful you survived and are using your life in such a positive way.

  • 10. KimB  |  December 18, 2011 at 10:56 am

    These are great! You help many of us understand what our foster children are experiencing. Many times children do not talk, especially if they are new; but the wheels are turning in their heads. Your experiences and words help me understand what they may be thinking.

    Once I purchased a pair of sneakers for my foster son. He tried them on and smiled. I could tell by looking at his toes that they were much too small. When I asked him, he said they were fine. Instead of forcing the issue, I suggested we go shopping to look at other styles. He agreed.
    Weeks later, he told me that he was afraid that he would not get another pair if he gave the small ones back. But he could not tell me at the time. 😦

    • 11. ella  |  December 18, 2011 at 11:38 am

      It is so hearbreaking T_T …you are so kind.

  • 12. ella  |  December 18, 2011 at 11:37 am

    It is a very good blog. Good job,lt 🙂 l really feel for your first point. It is so sad. Anyway, l am glad that you will have your merry Chrismas this year. Some people say that friendship is also a gift. I am so happy for you my dear. You deserve it. An author once said that the hurts will go as you find the joy to dwell in. Really hope this works to you. Have you prepared the gifts for kc’s family?

  • 13. Becca  |  December 18, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Thank you for this LT, and peace be with you.

  • 14. YW  |  December 18, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    Thank you LT for the all that so valuable information, You are so amazing, I hope you are realizing that now. And amazingly strong. The peace poem is great, keeping that one for sure, thanks so much for sharing. Have you thought of working with a foster agency in your area I think you can really help them with suggestions, ideas and things on how to prevent the kids to get hurt. Or email or write some of the agencies to see if they could use somebody like you in their team. it might be more on a volunteer base but more and more foster parents need to hear you !
    give your dogs some good hugs today hugs are always great gifts too and are free !!!!!!!!! LOL YW

  • 15. MamatoMany  |  December 18, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    Thinking of you!

  • 16. rene  |  December 18, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Thanks. You help us grown ups focus on the kids.

  • 17. michelle v  |  December 18, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    love the quote at the end. great advocacy (sp?) article

    ♥ michelle

  • 18. Another Time  |  December 18, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    I like your strong suggestion of Santa letters, especially when it is one of the personalized letter back from Santa ones. Actually, I like alll your suggestions because they are all important and are all… Argh I lost my word. I want to say true but that is the wrong word. Heartfelt will have to suffice.

  • 19. Ross  |  December 18, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Excellent post as always. I will love to share this to other foster parents, can I ?

    • 20. LooneyTunes  |  December 20, 2011 at 11:35 pm

      Please do. And anything people want to add is welcome…

  • 21. we'veadoptedsix  |  December 18, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    I hope you have much joy in this week leading up to the holiday, as well as a wonderful Christmas. I get ferociously annoyed reading about some of your bad foster homes. I don’t know what those people were thinking and I hope that they’ve all had their licenses yanked. Take care of yourself and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy the next few days, dear one.

  • 22. Linka  |  December 18, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, LT, for this wonderfully insightful post. Wanted to let you know that I am going to print it off and it will go in with reimbursement checks for our foster parents, coming out this Wednesday. You have made the day easier for at least thirty five foster children in my network, including my own, and my heart daughter who emancipated last year, and I am bringing home for Christmas.

    You have inspired me, LT, to specialize, I guess you could say, in fostering girls 16 yrs. and older who will be emancipating with no family supports. I am changing that for them-they will have me, and my family, and my friends, to count on. I would adopt my girl who is with me now, and my emancipated daughter, except that they would lose the college benefits they receive here in Ohio, which I cannot even dream of making up for them. I WILL adopt them as adults, when they are finished with college. You are directly responsible for this, LT, and I am eternally grateful to you for your part in helping me discover my true purpose.

    Be joyful this holiday season, LT, with the knowledge that you are gifting all of us with the wisdom we could not gain anywhere else. You are making lives better for countless foster children.I only wish there were a way to gift you as well as you have us.

  • 23. Splintered  |  December 18, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Great posting! You really offer so much understanding into what foster children are thinking and feeling. It is so nice to get that perspective and so helpful too. I wish you would write a book so you get something back for all your advice.

  • 24. Mary  |  December 19, 2011 at 12:15 am

    I can’t imagine taking anything away from a child that has already lost so much….My heart aches for all the children who are hurting….This is where I wish I had “superpowers” to take the pain away…What say you Santa?….

  • 25. Angie  |  December 19, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Thank you for sharing! As usual with much wisdom and honesty. I hope a lot of foster parents read this.

  • 26. Fi  |  December 19, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    Thank you and blessings

  • 27. Jackie  |  December 19, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    LT, you are amazing. Thank you for this beautiful piece of writing and education. You are doing far more good that you realize.


  • 28. Foster Mom in Training  |  December 19, 2011 at 9:55 pm

    Thank you for your wisdom. I have a kindergartner who is very sad to be away from home but excited for Christmas. I appreciate your insight on how to help him through this tough time. I hope you are able to find peace and happiness this year, LT. 🙂 ((hugs))

  • 29. Rose  |  December 20, 2011 at 9:09 am

    Another excellent post. The idea of having Santa send a letter to your foster child is fabulous; especially for children new to a foster home. We like to think that things are better for foster children in a foster home, and in many cases it is, but children can’t forget their parents and family. It weighs heavy. Thank you for all your writings.

  • 30. YW  |  December 20, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    got your question about laundry but did not see where I can reply so hoping you get to read this – if it says no drying no heat do not put it in the dryer not even low heat. I suggest you wash it by hand (with just a little bit of detergent or if you have it: woolite!, Then once washed do not wring it just get a bunch of towels and lay it on top of that . spread it out – it will take some time to dry. I have put things like that ON the dryer (towel in between dryer and shirt / sweater /item) while running a regular load in the dryer. the heat just from that will help it dry faster, but dont put it in the dryer.. that is my advise… 😉 good luck any other questions just let us know ok ?? YW

  • 31. Christina  |  December 20, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Hi LT,

    I’m new to your blog. I just want to thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate how you explain what you go through now (eloquently), and how it all relates back to the horrific treatment of your little self. Thank you for letting us in, for showing us your heart, even though you put your feelings on the line each time you do it, risking more hurt. I admire your courage, endurance, and insight. You are a precious person, benefitting humanity with your observations and lessons.


  • 32. Sherry LeBlanc  |  December 23, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    What a great post! I posted a link to your article on Family Resource Center’s facebook page – we do foster care and work with children who have been abused. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

  • 33. Grace  |  November 16, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Thank you for this article. It is very insightful.
    I am using the little “peace” box at the end in our Independent Living Program’s monthly newsletter. Thank you.

  • 34. beveanne harrold  |  November 22, 2012 at 4:56 am

    I am dating a man with a grown daughter who is fighting so hard to get her 3 year old daughter back from foster care with his support and guidance before the holidays God willing. i just wish my mother would have had a supportive family when i was little. i remember leaving everything behind when i was moved from homes just getting to take a sack with me and having autism meant trying to cram as many books into there as i could get to fit and having the sack taken apart to put clothes in by adults who had said i could choose what to take.

  • 35. Mindi Barnes  |  November 29, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Hi, I am involved in the Guardian ad Litem Program with Hillsborough County and I would like your permission to reprint your article in our December newsletter. Our guardians look after foster children and this would help them so much! Thanks for sharing this with us and we can only hope it makes a different in the lives of these children.

  • 36. Wade  |  December 2, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    What an amazing post! I posted the link on our FB page. Thank you!

    Rise Above Foundation is a nonprofit dedicated to providing Massachusetts children in foster care with enriching activities, opportunities and experiences. you for sharing your experiences.

  • 37. laree  |  November 13, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    I work as a foster care consultant and have appreciated your blog and insider perspective! I would love to share some of your tips and information with our foster parents for the upcoming holidays if that’s ok.? I’m also going to give them your website to use as a resource. Thanks for sharing!

  • 38. Meaghan Wasilewski  |  November 18, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    Thanks for putting all of this out there. Too often youth in foster care aren’t listened to and their lives are often controlled by so many other people..I work with kinship foster parents and I would really like to share your tips and website with them if that is ok?

  • 39. jennkaysen  |  November 26, 2013 at 9:19 am

    I work for Court Appointed Special Advocates of Cumberland, Gloucester and Salem counties. I shared your blog with our readers because I felt it was wonderfully written and imperative to get the information you shared out there in time for the holidays. Thank you so much for writing this. I made sure to link back to your blog and give you proper credit. All the best. Jennifer

  • […] extravagant gifts this year, also give the gift of understanding, patience and love. (Thank you, I Was a Foster Kid, for the following […]

  • 41. Verlon Kull  |  February 15, 2014 at 11:10 am

    I am 38 now. I was taken from my birth mom. And put into forster care at the age of 5. Around 6 years old i was sold to some people. I guess they was ok. But i asked to many whys and they never talked to me about anything. They just wanted me to say mommy and daddy. And never ask why.. when i did something wrong in there eyes. I would need to wait for my step dad to come home. ((Some times a week)) and then i would get a spanking with a belt, hand, soap in the mouth. But they never told me what i did wrong or even why it was wrong. but any ways. I grew up with no friends. When i was about 10 i was put back in to foster care. And i seen many things and went through many things. I remember there was 1 place that was really a good place. But becouse of 1 thing. ((One of the kids pushed a nother kid down some stairs)) and it gets closed in one day. I was the last kid to go and yet the bad places always seem to stay open.. i have been to many mental places. Any ways. Iearned very fast trust no goverment, no cops, no one who is to nice. Again any ways.. i am 38 now. I found my real mom and dad. My mom can not read or wright. But she is agood person. I try to say i love her but its hard to. Not becouse i hate her. Becouse i do not but becouse i am not sure how to. I found my real brothers and my sis. But found out my sis wants nothing to do with me becouse the people who payed for her. Lied to her about me all her life.. and my brother and me tried to get our files. There found my file but not his?? But i asked why was we taken and i was told it did not say why.. i am trying to sue the state but one lawer told me its an old case and maybe able to help. But most lawers kept telling me there was nothing i can do. Its to old and even if it was not i still could do nothing… if that is the case how can the state take kids and. Sell them??

  • 42. Christmas Tips | I Was A Foster Kid  |  December 8, 2014 at 8:39 pm

    […] Click here […]

  • 43. ritalee8383  |  December 9, 2014 at 1:00 am

    You always amaze me LT with your thoughtfulness and how you express yourself. You are very gifted and so special. I hope you realize that.

  • 44. annamain  |  December 9, 2014 at 7:23 am

    Wonderful post… wrestles up some memories.

  • 45. beth o'malley  |  December 9, 2014 at 7:55 am

    LT I’d like to reprint in my December newsletter ‘Adoption LIfebooks” you have so much to say that helps so many kids and teens living in foster care. Your voice is powerful. thank you Beth O’Malley

  • 46. Jill  |  December 9, 2014 at 8:56 am

    shared with our foster carers, thank you

  • 47. Eve and Ella  |  December 9, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    OMG what a wonderful post! Can I add one thing, have some spare presents ready in case a visitor turns up with presents for your birth children but not for the foster child. It happened to me so often as a foster child and the pain and humiliation have stayed with me ever since. They would have a pile of 5 or 6 presents and sometimes I would have 2. I felt worthless and second best – again!

  • 48. Tberry1969@yahoo.com  |  December 9, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    You really are a great writer ,as a foster parnet of many years ,I love reading your blogs, they always make me think and make me feel blessed in many ways, I think about so many things as I read you blogs , one is how your voice is being heard by so many people ,and making the differents. That’s really big, you should be really proud of your self

  • 49. Kim Shears Lowry  |  December 10, 2014 at 5:59 am

    This is such a from the heart blog. I’m a foster carer. Is it ok if I use this st our next support group? I think as time goes on even us foster carers get complacent to our foslings feelings especially when we are all so busy trying to prepare for Christmas. This should be essential reading for us all.

  • 50. Julie Moulds  |  December 11, 2014 at 10:18 am

    Would love to share your blog with Suffolk Fostering Service. Hope its ok with you? Many thanks for writing it in the first place.

  • 51. Kristin Carroll  |  December 12, 2014 at 9:12 am

    Hi there – I’m wondering if it would be ok to share this with a work colleague who’s a teacher and has a couple of pupils who are looked after. I’m a foster carer and I was trying to explain how the holidays are difficult for all children who are looked after. Your words express much better than I ever could. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences x

  • 52. Kim Styer  |  December 17, 2014 at 8:07 am

    Thank you for sharing your story and memories. This a truely an eye opener and very helpful to anyone who reads this. May God bless and help you through this holiday season. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and all Foster Care children this holiday season.

  • 53. Sheila  |  December 17, 2014 at 8:08 am

    This is truly brilliant. I was a foster carer for 21 with my husband and family, yet I have still learned something new today.
    I am giving a talk to carers tomorrow on how to prepare for Christmas here in England. Please may I use some of your thoughts to help them be more thoughtful and reflective at this time of year?
    Keep up the good work.
    Sheila. x

  • 54. Sheila  |  December 17, 2014 at 8:16 am

    sorry that should read 21 years……

  • 55. commercials and reality | I Was A Foster Kid  |  December 21, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    […] foster parents, please do your best to help your foster child(ren) fit in during the holidays.  Read these tips.  Remember it can be the very first time they celebrate christmas, with all the amazement, wonder, […]

  • 56. thebeautifulopportunity  |  December 23, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    Hi. I would like to share this post with AdoptiveBlackMom, who is experiencing holiday meltdowns with her adopted child. I’ll give you credit, of course! Thanks again for helping to provide insight. Her post is at https://adoptiveblackmom.wordpress.com/2014/12/22/merry-meltdown-a-mas/comment-page-1/#comment-1181

  • […] Syndrome looks like and more parenting tips on surviving a holiday with a kiddo who sabotages it.  I was a Foster Kid provides a foster alum’s perspective on why holidays are so hard for foster […]

  • 58. Crystal Brown  |  July 22, 2015 at 3:36 pm

    Hi, Love this! I am with The Fire Place Fellowship in Hendersonville, TN and for the past two years God has provided us a way to throw a massive Christmas Party, with food, games, Santa, and PRESENTS for The Camelot Foster Care Children and Families of Middle, TN. With your permission I would love to use your writings here in some promotional advertising. If you would allow that that would be awesome. You can see a little of what we do at our facebook page: whttps://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Fire-Place-Christmas-Party-2014/173146266217169

    Thanks and God Bless

  • 59. Lea Arellano  |  October 12, 2015 at 10:29 am

    Hello may I share your writing with care givers in foster care? I work for Seneca in Oakland, CA as a trainer thank you! I believe it will help them understand more about Foster youth during the holidays. Thank you!!

  • 60. Like A Broken Umbrella  |  October 15, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    I’d love to include the information that you’re sharing here in our foster parent newsletter. I love that you’re speaking out for all of the children still in care!

  • 61. Tracey Crosby  |  October 15, 2015 at 10:00 pm

    I’d love to include this article in a foster carer newsletter that I put out, would that be ok? Tracey

  • 62. stephanie  |  November 16, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    Hello, I am the director of a small foster care agency….I would like to print this out and share to my foster care providers. Is this Ok?

  • […] Hold the “happy” — holidays are hard for foster kids – Christmas is for children and most kids eagerly and excitedly await Christmas and all the “specialness” of the holiday season.  After all, it is a time filled with presents, food, fun, magical beliefs, and family.  Sounds perfect.  But Christmas for children in foster care can bring fears and tears… which may result in acting-out behaviors, ungratefulness, anger, moodiness, and antics.  Christmas may be more confusing and painful for foster kids, even when their external world and foster family seems “perfect.”… read more […]

  • 64. Liz  |  November 30, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    Can I please use this quote:
    “Christmas may be more confusing and painful for foster kids, even when their external world and foster family seems “perfect.””
    in a FB post for foster care outreach in New South Wales, Australia?
    Happy to credit & tag you 🙂

  • 66. Joan  |  December 1, 2015 at 10:43 am

    Can I share this?

  • 67. angie  |  December 8, 2015 at 11:20 am

    I love that you are addressing an issue that is extremely important and extremely overlooked. Holidays are hard for kids in care and it’s easy to forget to think about how this will affect the kids. I would like to use your article to send to foster parents to help educate and for everyone to be able to understand a different perspective on “the most wonderful time of the year”. A

  • 68. Jodie Williams  |  December 14, 2015 at 2:54 am

    Is it okay to share your blog?

  • 69. MJ  |  December 18, 2015 at 6:52 pm

    Posting a link to this article on our FB page 🙂 It’s scheduled for 12/20, please let me know if you would rather we didn’t.

  • […] extravagant gifts this year, also give the gift of understanding, patience and love. (Thank you, I Was a Foster Kid, for the following […]

  • 71. Vicki Pfitzer  |  October 17, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    Hi! I really like how you framed some of the issues that foster kids face during the holidays. I’d like to use it in my training for my group home staff. Is this okay? I think it would be really helpful for them.

  • 72. Alexandra Jacobs  |  December 2, 2016 at 1:45 pm

    This is a great description – thank you for putting it together. I work for a foster family agency and would like to use it to talk to foster parents about this coming holiday season. Would that be okay?

  • 73. R. Sanchez  |  December 9, 2016 at 11:40 am

    This is honest and well-written. With your permission, I would like to share a link to this blog in our email newsletter to foster parents. Thank you!

    R. Sanchez
    Community Liaison
    AZ Department of Child Safety

  • 74. Brittany  |  December 12, 2016 at 7:51 pm

    I would love to highlight some of your points to some of the foster parents that I work with. Very great insight into a child’s point of view.

  • 75. Kristy Howell  |  January 8, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    Can I please print and share this with my foster parents and/or email it to them? I am a foster home licensing worker.


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This blog is copyrighted.
I know that means you can't take my writing without my permission. If you do, something can happen.
Plus, that is just a real shitty thing to do -- take someone's thoughts -- so don't do it!

I am happy if you want to use my writing to help those involved in the foster care system, but please, leave a comment asking if it is ok and letting me know.


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