it may be JUST a “comforter” to you…

December 20, 2011 at 11:31 pm 33 comments

Yesterday I got my very FIRST brand new “comforter.”  Yeah.  I don’t have a bed but I can use it to wrap up in on my futon or the floor.  It’s all MINE.  For the first time in years I got to pick out a big fluffy, silky, soft, funny, comforter that reflects ME.

You probably take your comforter for granted.  You probably have owned several comforters.

Not me.     Nope.

Living with my parents, my bedding was “whatever was laying around.”  Sometimes it was a blanket, sometimes just a sheet, sometimes a tee-shirt, and sometimes nothing at all.  They did not care and I never mattered enough to be kept warm and comfortable.

.

In foster care, I used what was laying around, too.  I used what lots of other kids used.  I used the colors or pictures that someone else picked out.  I used ones that had stains, frayed ends, or were tattered.  I used ones that other kids cried on.  I used ones that other kids drooled on.  I used ones that other kids peed or pooped or puked on.  I used ones that …. whatever other kids did on them.  Each of those kids left their story on those comforters… and many times the comforters looked like wars had been fought as children slept or screamed the night away.

“Comforters” that were never mine, but a true reflection of how I felt…  old, used, ugly, dirty, not special, not worth the $20 to give me a clean start.

Once on the streets I used a “comforter” that I found under a bridge.  It was so disgusting … but I was freezing.  I drank a bottle of nighttrane so that the dirt and stains and smell drifted away, as I wrapped myself up with another street kid.  “Comforter” that wasn’t mine, but yet another reflection of how I felt …  dirty, used, smelly, disgusting, thrown away…

Yesterday, I stood in <store name> feeling so excited as I looked at all the comforters that lined the shelves.  Holy shit!  Tons of comforters…. for all ages.  Holy shit!  Tons of comforters… all colors.  Holy shit!  Tons of comforters…. superheros and spongebob and animals and peace signs and flowers and “mature” ones and… and….

Holy shit!  How do I choose?

I am sure people watched as I focused myself on comforters that … weren’t mature, weren’t adult, and weren’t what people my age would pick.  It wasn’t girly, it didn’t match anything I owned, and well…. it probably belongs in a 9-year old’s world….

BUT……..

I got a BRAND NEW comforter… for the first time in my life ….

It has no battle scars and it has survived no wars… it’s just a comforter…

…and it’s MINE.

ok… well…. OURS!

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Hold the “happy” — holidays are hard for foster kids! Foster Parents… Don’t Forget Finance 101

33 Comments Add your own

  • 1. MamatoMany  |  December 20, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Yay, yay and Yay!

    So excited for you! Words fail me.

    Enjoy!

    Reply
  • 2. abbys momma  |  December 20, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    KC is a good friend for sure!

    Reply
  • 3. Foster Mom in Training  |  December 20, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    How did it turn out? Did it dry okay? Are you able to cuddle up in it? Good for you for choosing a comforter that you like instead of worrying about what anyone else may think. What’s important is that you are comfy and happy. 🙂 I know the pups won’t care what’s on it. 🙂 Enjoy your new, silky comforter. (hugs)

    Reply
  • 4. Jackie  |  December 20, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    Good for you getting that comforter, LT. And what a *great* friend you have in KC! I am so glad for you. 🙂

    Reply
  • 5. robyn  |  December 20, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    LOVE this 🙂

    Reply
  • 6. dimple  |  December 21, 2011 at 12:11 am

    personally chosen comforters are great things! 😀

    Reply
  • 7. Splintered  |  December 21, 2011 at 12:17 am

    This is great! I am sorry you had to wait so long to get something that is yours. I love the end!! 🙂

    Reply
  • 8. Krista  |  December 21, 2011 at 12:18 am

    That’s awesome! So what design did you pick out? Have a good night snuggling with Shadow and Moonlight under your brand-new, all-yours, just-your-style comforter! 😀

    Reply
  • 9. Another Time  |  December 21, 2011 at 12:21 am

    Ditto what everyone else, especially Foster Mom in Training, has said so far.

    It isn’t about what most people would think someone should get or what most people get. It is about you and your personality/likes. For example. I have a bright reversable cartoon comforter folded up beside me with a cartoon pillow propped against it. I use a zillion different cartoon blankets. Right now Hello Kitty and Pokemon (Pikachu! Lol) and a Looney Tunes pillowcase for wheni decide to use my pillow.

    Reply
  • 10. Amy Lopez  |  December 21, 2011 at 12:37 am

    wonderful.

    Reply
  • 11. Cesarea  |  December 21, 2011 at 1:39 am

    Good tidings of “comfort” and joy to you, LT! As you transform the difficult memories of holidays into sage advice for others, may your Christmas season be filled with warmth and happiness!

    Reply
  • 12. ella  |  December 21, 2011 at 2:22 am

    Yay! Isn’t it wonderful 🙂 i am so happy for you lt 🙂 sweetheart,you are not dirty and disgusting,at all. You have a very beautiful heart, I am sure about it. Everyone has the past,but past is not your identity.

    Reply
  • 13. Ross  |  December 21, 2011 at 3:55 am

    I am so glad you for something that makes you happy and gives you a new start!
    Xoxo

    Reply
  • 14. Becca  |  December 21, 2011 at 7:22 am

    That is awesome! Glad you found one you really like.

    Reply
  • 15. Jeanne  |  December 21, 2011 at 7:24 am

    I loved your last line! I only have 1 cat but he loves comforters too.
    Hooray for a comforter of your own! So happy for you.

    Reply
  • 16. Project Believe  |  December 21, 2011 at 7:59 am

    LOVE this and have shared it so more people can understand the impact of the items we take for granted. Keep writing and have a GREAT holiday!

    Reply
  • 17. butterflysblog  |  December 21, 2011 at 8:22 am

    Sweet LT – congratulations on the new comforter! Which superhero did you choose?

    Reply
  • 18. Linka  |  December 21, 2011 at 9:50 am

    Hi LT! THey are called “comforters” for a reason, no? I enjoyed your description of standing there looking at all of your choices! And I am visualizing you all curled up and wrapped up in it, your furry fellows all around you! May joy and peace continue to surround you this holiday season and beyond, as your comforter surrounds you! Blessings!

    Reply
  • 19. michelle v  |  December 21, 2011 at 10:20 am

    love it! so thrilled for u 🙂
    ♥ michelle

    Reply
  • 20. The Sleeper  |  December 21, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Wow. This is really powerful, especially your use of personification with the comforters (i.e. how your description of the comforters over time reflects your personal feelings). It helped me realize how much I take for granted, how much I have to be thankful for, and how important simple things may be to others. Beautifully done LT.

    Congrats on your new comforter. I hope it helps you sleep peacefully ((LT))

    Reply
  • 21. Christina  |  December 21, 2011 at 10:41 am

    Hi LT,

    I hope your sleeps are restful and peaceful with your new treasure.
    I am happy for you!

    Sincerely,
    Christina

    Reply
  • 22. KimB  |  December 21, 2011 at 11:00 am

    LOL. Love the picture of the husky in the comforter!!! 😛
    This really made me smile today.

    Reply
  • 23. KP  |  December 21, 2011 at 11:37 am

    Yay! Hope you and Moonlight are enjoying your brand new, just-for-you comforter. 🙂

    Reply
  • 24. YW  |  December 21, 2011 at 11:37 am

    super comfy!! Love it, and KC rocks! very very cool! Merry Christmas LT, thanks for sharing, did you sleep like a baby under it last night ??? YW

    Reply
  • 25. MamaMama  |  December 21, 2011 at 11:50 am

    So happy for you. I love my blanket, Fuzzers. No one else is allowed to use her. I hope you always enjoy yours.

    Reply
  • 26. Scooping it up  |  December 21, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    So great!! I am so happy for you.

    Reply
  • 27. Cookie  |  December 21, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    I’ve been reading for a few weeks but have not commented yet. You have an amazing gift of writing. You are talented and are able to see things and put these things into words (and pictures) that move other people who read these words. I know I’m not always good with receiving compliments, and I don’t know if you are, but I just wanted to get that out there. Know that you are an amazing writer.

    Maybe having a new, clean, chosen-by-you comforter will help, even in a tiny way, for you to realize that you are not dirty or ugly or discarded. Complete (internet) strangers care about you and can see your beauty, even if it is hard for you to see it.

    I hope you have years of good snuggles with your brand new comforter. And I’m so happy to read that KC is such a good friend.

    And for the record, if I had been in your life when you were a kid, I would have bought you a brand new comforter. In any colour or pattern you liked.

    Stay warm and I hope you have a good Christmas. I’ll be thinking about you.

    Reply
  • 28. caroline  |  December 22, 2011 at 10:13 am

    Thank you for making me think about my blessings.

    I feel badly for what you have experienced in your life, but it has given you an incredible ability to share important messages of life, just by how you view the world.

    I hope your comforter helps you have peaceful rest.

    Reply
  • 29. complicatedwaltz  |  December 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Sweet LT, I am so glad you have your own cozy comforter. This reminds of a big mistake I made many years ago. I had taken in a foster-care “graduate” that was homeless. She was a student of mine. I set her up in her own bedroom in my house. I provided her with everything. It was an old comforter of mine, but I got a new cover for it. Anyways, it was getting sort of stinky (she had cats), so I washed it one day. I had stripped her bed clean of the sheets and everything. When she came home that day, she freaked out really bad and I didn’t understand why. She was really angry and freaked out. Probably scared. You see, when I picked her up to take her home with me, she was alternating between staying with a pimp, and sleeping on a friend’s gross, bare mattress on a floor of a crack house (with three other teens). I had inadvertently created an unsafe situation, reminding her of that bed, I think. I feel really bad looking back on it…. at the time, I had *no* idea why she was so pissed off at me. I was young myself, and I guess pretty dumb. So thank you for your blog. You’ve taught me a lot of things.

    Reply
  • 30. Kolya  |  December 23, 2011 at 12:50 am

    Hi

    I have been reading your blog for a little bit and I know you don’t answer people especially who have been in the system because they might be lying but I wanted to say thanks for putting something like this up. I am glad that you are learning to find things that are just pure good: like inanimate things that won’t hurt you that can only make you safer. Plus they are not as much work as people haha.

    Anyway I aged out also just a little while ago (even though in my state it’s 21 so I was older). It’s nice that I’m not alone and that other people read about us too.

    I know that you will keep getting better because you know the worst is done now. Take care of yourself on Christmas even though it sucks!

    Kolya

    Reply
  • 31. Eilan  |  December 23, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Hi LT,

    Oh my god moonlight so cute!<3
    And glad to heard who u feeling about getting your own stuff 🙂
    Thats such a good and awsome feeling!
    Peace,
    Eilan

    Reply
  • 32. jenmuse  |  July 16, 2014 at 6:28 pm

    I have just been approved to become a Resource Family (new term for foster out here in California, my county is the first to transition to this methodology) and I had to explain to my licensing worker that I hadn’t bought a new comforter to aid in the conversion of my “mature” guest bedroom into my new kid(s)’s room because I want the child(ren) to have a voice in the decor decisions. I’ve got a kid sized desk, bunk beds, and stuffed animals and toys and books for a variety of ages (I’m licensed now for 6-12 years of age and hope for a sibling pair). But this room is not about me. It’s about my foster-to-adopt kid(s). I want it to be his/her/their sanctuary and thanks to you, I know that that my instinct to wait on the new comforter and curtains is definitely the right choice. Even the art on the walls is temporary. Big coloring sheets which I’ve colored and hung on a string which I hope will be replaced by original kid art.

    Reply
  • 33. ktheid1008  |  March 6, 2015 at 7:57 pm

    I run a foster care/adoption ministry at my church. This entry is amazing and I think would be useful for our next fundraising drive; we’d like to gather clean bedding to be distributed to DHS for foster kids in our area. Can I use the link to this blog entry for people to read? Thanks for being so open!

    Reply

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