Archive for April, 2012

the power of the chocolate bunny

The Easter bunny never came when I lived with my bio-parents.  Not once.  I never had a stuffed bunny, never a basket full of treats and gifts, never a chocolate bunny. It seemed that all those years, he hopped right over my hell in the hood.  Growing up was hard because me and my brother KNEW that there was an Easter bunny, because kids at school talked and even the local grocery store where we would steal food sold Easter candy… mostly jelly beans and chocolate rabbits.  We never did steal any Easter candy because it was always towards the front of the store, and my brother focused on the “basics.”

So, while we knew that the Easter bunny existed, we couldn’t figure out what we needed to do to get the Easter bunny to visit.  Disappointment year after year, holiday after holiday, is hard when you are little and don’t really understand the truth behind holiday “figures.”  Eventually we just assumed we were really bad; and that the Easter bunny doesn’t come to really bad kids.

Easter was random in foster care.  Some years it happened, some years it did not. When I was young, it was confusing and it strengthened my feelings about good and bad … that the Easter bunny only came the years I was good.  But I didn’t understand how “good” was defined; was it defined by what I did or didn’t do… or was it defined by how I serviced other adults … or was it defined as how I was inside?  I didn’t understand.  Then, as I got older, I could care less… probably if I had seen the Easter bunny as a teenager, I would have beaten the crap out of him…

I honestly don’t remember alot of “Easters”… nor do I remember ever getting an Easter basket.  But, I’ll never forget my first Easter chocolate bunny.  It was hollow, had colored eyes and came in a box.  It was huge to me.  My foster parents told me not to eat it all at once and I never intended to, but I carried it up the stairs to my room … afraid that they would take it away from me.

I sat on the floor looking at the rabbit in the box for along time.  Eventually, I took the rabbit out of the box and placed it on the floor.  Before I knew it, my hands began to break it apart into pieces.  After a few minutes, laying on the bedroom floor was a broken chocolate rabbit, in many pieces of all different sizes and shapes .  I pushed the pieces together in a pile and laughed at the mound of chocolate on the floor.

I picked up a piece and put it in my mouth.  I let it melt on my tongue.  I took another piece, put it on my tongue and raised my tongue to the roof of my mouth, melting the chocolate.  I took another piece and put it under my tongue, but decided I did not like that.  Suddenly my creative little mind decided that each piece of chocolate laying on the floor would bring me superpowers when I ate itSo I put a piece on my tongue, stood up, threw open the closet door and pretended to fight the bad guys coming out.  As the chocolate piece melted away in my mouth, my powers slowly disappeared.  In my pretend world, the only way to keep my powers active was to keep chocolate in my mouth!

Next thing I knew, I was fighting bad guys in the hallway and in the bedroom.  I put 3 pieces of chocolate in my mouth and climbed up on the bed, jumping up and down, battling demons that were surrounding me in my pretend world.   My mind was lost in my play and I didn’t hear my foster mother come up the stairs, down the hall, and into my room.  My play world was shattered, when I saw her looking at me and looking at the 2 small pieces of chocolate sitting on the floor.

My superpowers gone, I suddenly started to feel fear as I realized that I was jumping on the bed, with a shirt around my neck like a superhero cape… and that I ate the WHOLE thing. 

I just stood there on the bed, as she asked me to get off the bed and said:

“LT, looks like that was some really powerful chocolate.”

.

And…that was my first chocolate bunny.

.

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April 6, 2012 at 12:56 am 25 comments


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