May is National Foster Care Month? …Do you CARE?

May 28, 2014 at 12:32 pm 30 comments

hi

.

Foster Care defined: (from dictionary.com)

The raising or supervision of foster children, as orphans or delinquents, in an institution, group home, or private home, usually arranged through a government or social-service agency that provides remuneration for expenses.

 

Nice definition eh?  I fucking hate it.

Can you guess why?

Why

I can hear some readers telling me this definition is fabulous…. covers all the basics.  Check.

I can hear one reader who used to tell me to eat more green veggies, that she is a DAM good foster parent and the definition is fine.  🙂

I can hear other readers yelling at me telling me that this definition sucks because it does…. it sucks.

Let’s be real for a few moments while you are reading….

 

First problem —  RAISING???

Raise = lift or move to a higher position or leveltransitioning-out-of-foster-care

I spent years in foster care and wasn’t moved to a higher position or level.  In fact, many times I was in similar situations as I was in my bio-home….just with different people.  Abuse doesn’t stop in foster care nor group homes.  How many kids do you know that were abused in foster care?  Me, …. and thousands of others.  Raised?  No.

Supervised?  Maybe.

Foster care kicked my ass out on the street when I turned 18?  Was that RAISING me to a higher level?  Crap, I was homeless with nothing.  Thousands of kids age-out every year…. I bet those kids aren’t at a higher level… especially those on the streets or back to their bioparents or dead.

Mission3

I RAISED myself.  Yes, there were a couple good foster families (Hippies, Ms. Liz), but I wasn’t there long enough to be RAISED.   Any position of higherness that I got was mostly because of me… and trust me… The only HIGH I got was from smoking weed.  I am not higher at all… I struggle like most everyone, but without a family and all kinds of fucked up mental problems. I still need a family, damit!

 

Second – “ARRANGED?”

Arrange = put (things) in a neat, attractive, or required order

Arrange = organize or make plans for (a future event)

bahahahahahaha…..  ARRANGED?  How many times were workers scrambling to “find” a place to put me?  Arrange?  Plans for the future?  Comon’ — there is nothing like sitting in a workers office while they frantically call looking for a placement for you.  Good planning.  Oh and thanks for the McDonalds… I still heard what you were saying on that phone!

There is no planaging-out-of-foster-care2s for the future.  Long term foster kids live in the moment.  Even planning for our futures is a joke.  I have written about my permanency hearings where it was always adoption… no other plan.  Fuck that.  You know barely anyone over the age of 8 gets adopted.  How about: A FUTURE that doesnt include getting kicked out on the streets?  How about:  A FUTURE with an education?  How about: A FUTURE with a support system of people who care about me?

 

Flowers are more arranged than the foster care system.   LOL.

colorful_gerbers_in_vase

 

 

Third = ORPHANS OR DELIQUIENTS?female-drug-addict

Is that the only choices?  Orphan means no bioparents.  Deliquients means…well, I won’t go there.  How about acknowledging the other posibilities:  in foster care because of: abusive parents, drug-addicted parents, alcoholic parents, deadbeat parents, parents in jail, hooker parents, ….THE LIST COULD GO ON.  But, noooooooooooo, just ignore the role that bioparents have in why the fuck we were/are in foster care.  I sure as hell didn’t choose to be there and it sure as hell wasn’t my fault I was there (although I blame myself still).

I can’t go on wasting my time.  This definition sucks.… as much as foster care sucks.

suck-meter

 

May is National Foster Care month….

Do you think anyone cares?

No-one-gives-a-fuck

 

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30 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Maggie Tuttle  |  May 28, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    PLEASE CALL MAGGIE 07767710756

    http://www.childrenscreamingtobeheard.com

    Reply
  • 2. Hope  |  May 28, 2014 at 1:15 pm

    LT — are you back?
    That definition does stink.

    Reply
  • 3. DawnS  |  May 28, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    Yes, my husband and I, care. We will spend the rest of our lives proving to our three children (siblings, ages 6, 10 and 13) that someone does care …that they are important …that they do matter. Our children have been in our life for a little over a year. We expect to sign adoption papers any day now. When we read your blog about two years ago, we knew we had to do something. Here we are. I am a Mom to three amazing kids! I love you LT!

    Reply
  • 4. jayandsheila  |  May 28, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    I have really missed you. ….back with a vengence?

    Reply
  • 5. Anne  |  May 28, 2014 at 2:20 pm

    It is terrible.
    And yes, as you know, I care.

    Reply
  • 6. Leonard Henderson  |  May 28, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    CPS destroys “OK” families “In the child’s Best Interest”.

    “Best interests operates as an empty vessel into which adult
    perceptions and prejudices are poured.” –Hillary Rodham,
    Children Under the Law, 43 Harv. Ed. Rev. 487, 513 (1973)

    Reply
  • 7. loopsydoop77  |  May 28, 2014 at 3:33 pm

    Hey there!
    So, yeah, it seems like not very many people care that much. But, to shine some light on the system, former fosters like you and I are showing the world what it’s really like, and changes are happening, although really slow. Thanks for opening the public blog back up. I think it is really important. I read your last post from the private blog and I’m really glad you’re doing well although stuff seemed really heavy for you for a long long time. That really sucks. Thanks for being here and for doing this. I’m contemplating starting a blog too, but I’d just be saying all the same things you are 😉
    Have you heard of Foster Focus Magazine? It’s really cool, and the guy who created/started it is from foster care too. We’re all trying really hard to show the world that what we went through needs to change right effing now. Not later, not when there’s more money to allocate. Change needs to happen right now. Foster Walks were organized all over the country by former fosters to raise money for awareness and to facilitate change. I think we can make a huge difference. People can’t tell us we are liars anymore, now that we’re grown and suffer the affects of our childhoods still…thank you for being here and doing this blog!!!

    Reply
  • 8. Linka  |  May 28, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    Hello, LT. I have been posting things on Facebook all month for Foster Care Awareness month, and would like to share your post. May I please?

    Reply
  • 9. LVasquez  |  May 28, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    I care and those I work with care. On June 1st, I’ll celebrate my one year anniversary with Parents By Choice. We are a foster family agency that strives to create good homes for children placed in our care. We work hard to support our foster families and provide opportunities for our children to experience the good things every child should experience. We have three special events, but it is the day to day stuff that makes a difference in the lives of our children. It’s the one on one conversations, finding tutors to help with homework, finding out what they are interested in and then finding a way to get them involved..

    Reply
  • 10. Cory  |  May 28, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    I do not think most people even know. Sad but true.

    Reply
  • 11. Sarah  |  May 28, 2014 at 8:45 pm

    There are foster families that care. Sometimes they are hurt by the system just as much as the kids. When our oldest fd aged out, she chose to stay in care and work on getting a college education. Unfortunately, her latest social worker decided she wasn’t doing it fast enough and arranged an emergency hearing to kick her out of the system (which nobody was informed about). This was mere days after she had received her acceptance letter. It took about two months to straighten everything out, and she had to use her free re-enrollment pass to do so — nobody was ever made to accept responsibility. We also weren’t reimbursed. Although the money is not why we do it, it hurts when all of the sudden it is taken away while the expenses remain the same.

    Reply
    • 12. Concerned FM  |  May 31, 2014 at 10:50 pm

      My husband and I are proof that foster parents are hurt by the system, but we will never stop trying to find ways to fight for foster children. They are the most vulnerable and most innocent of all children in our society.

      We went into fostering with blinders on and found out the hard way how powerful some governmental agencies are. If only they would always do what’s in the best interest of the children, children like LT wouldn’t suffer so much.

      Reply
  • 13. Foster Mom in Training  |  May 28, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    You sound confident, LT. Keep fighting for the voiceless kids out there. Kuddos and (((hugs)))!

    Reply
  • 14. dinah1007  |  May 28, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    As the reader who tells you to eat more green veggies I can tell you that the definition stinks and so do you for saying that I would think it was fine! Don’t you not post for months and then come back with a post that slams me, LT. Eat more veggies, learn to spell, it’s DAMN, and I am a really, really good foster mom, practically a saint. Good to hear from you again, I’ve missed you. E mail me.

    Reply
    • 15. Raychel  |  October 8, 2014 at 6:48 pm

      I don’t know why I think this is funny but I do

      Reply
  • 16. montanamum  |  May 28, 2014 at 10:45 pm

    So glad to see your post. I missed you.

    Reply
  • 17. Michelle  |  May 29, 2014 at 12:03 am

    Wow, as a foster parent, I feel unheard too. I have been fighting for the last year to have my 7 year old foster son placed in a adoptive family and not with his 65 year old single grandmother. He wants a mom and a dad and i will do everything in my power to do it for him. For us good foster parents out there, we are angry too. We should have a say in the child we see and love every day. The one who confides in us over bed time snuggles. How can a case worker have so much pull when we see her/him once a month and never once do they ask what the child wants.
    I found you a year ago and I heard you. I baked cookies when he came, i re read your blog the day i found out he was coming to us and i have always been honest with him. He was never put in school and we have gone through kindergarten with him. I hope we have lifted him up. I know he is not the scared little boy who came to us and in 5 weeks he will be put into an adoptive home where i pray his foster care journey ends. He has learned how to swim this year and has started playing t-ball. He will never be just a picture on our foster child family tree but a part of our family forever. I pray he stays close to us.
    You are right about some things Fosyer care month is a joke. Not one time this month did i hear any news station in my large city say anything about foster care. I know they are short foster families in our city and are placing kids in other counties because of the shortage.
    It breaks my heart that you went through so much. Please know that your pain has not gone unrecognized. Because of you i felt my foster son through your eyes. Please keep blogging but please seek help. You seem still so hurt and i pray that your heart heals.
    Michelle C.

    Reply
  • 18. Fiona  |  May 29, 2014 at 6:07 am

    Hi LT, would you be interested in re-writing the definition – and submitting it to the publishers of some of those dictionaries? Definitions are not set in stone, just as knowledge needs to be updated constantly. You are educating people with your writing.

    Reply
  • 19. danielle  |  May 29, 2014 at 8:17 am

    Hi LT, I too am a new foster mom and I read your blog which has really helped me. This is what I would also love for you to do could u please reach out to foster children give them advice. like myself I am really trying to keep this 11 year old girl that I have but she is very very defiant she’s been abused by her bio mom sexually abused by several men and yes she is very angry also very behind educationally. but instead of u bashing foster parents how bout u reach out to foster kids and talk with them on how they need to treat there foster parents who really loves them and is good to them with respect. I have done nothing but show this child love i’m giving her a life she has never encountered and she tells her case workers this as well and do not want to leave my home but caring for her is very exhausting I have been cursed at treated like crap by her but I am not giving up I have grown to see why a lot of foster parents send there kids away but I am praying daily not to do this but I feel if foster kids who grow up and want to be advocates speak to the kids who are in foster care explain to them that when they get good foster parents to try to respect them as well its very hard being tortured by a kid when there are foster kids who would love to have good foster parents. right now I am spending 60 bucks a week for tutoring I sit with her daily trying to get her caught up to her level which by the way she’s in 5th grade on 1st grade level she smart but her bio mom never made her go to school and make her study I am pushing for her to keep her therapy going which she will be needing for the rest of her life. I have searched for books for children for foster kids to read which is hard to find I did find one that we read together and she loves it. these kids need role models outside of there foster parents homes and you would be a great one. Thank God for letting u survive and giving u the knowledge and ability to write you can help so many foster children cause u have truly helped me.

    Reply
  • 20. Jodi  |  May 29, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    Missed you LT. And I’ve thought of you every time I go to Wendy’s and get a chocolate frosty.
    I made a longer post but it seemed to have disappeared, but in case it does turn up, I’ll keep this one short.
    My 8 year old son asked the other day if we can have kids who don’t have a good home come stay with us and he’d teach them how to play Nintendo. I had to hug him as this is what I hoped my children would be like. My husband and I are seriously considering doing this despite having four boys already….I thought of you too. Many hugs and thanks for the contact, I had been wondering what you were up to. XO

    Reply
  • 21. bairnangeloopz  |  May 29, 2014 at 10:36 pm

    LT, thank you so much for posting. I have missed you and your wise words so much. Hope your dogs and chosen family are are giving you love and support. You deserve nothing but peace and happiness. Much love to you.

    Reply
  • 22. Aubree  |  May 29, 2014 at 10:53 pm

    I’m so glad that you’re back! I’ve been ghost-following your blog for a while now but that was because I thought you quit running it.

    Anyway, so glad you’re back 🙂

    Reply
  • 23. mommyof6  |  May 30, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    L.T I am glad you decided to come back to your public blog again! You sure sound very strong!!! You know you are AMAZING!!!! Maybe not many people care but some we do.

    Reply
  • 24. Renee  |  May 31, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    Most people don’t think about foster care or they have the wrong opinion about it. The myths are more known than the truth. Great blog, LT.

    Reply
  • 25. Concerned FM  |  May 31, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    Sadly, everything you say is true.

    As foster parents who successfully sued “the system” after three healthy, happy foster children were removed from our loving, nurturing, beautiful foster home for no reason by hateful individuals who are tasked to do what is the best interest of the foster children, we firsthand can feel some of your pain. I know we will never feel all the pain you feel, but we loved our kids with all of our hearts and are awesome foster parents. We fought hard for our kids, and for that both the children and we paid the ultimate price.

    We fostered seven children in four years full time, and it was the greatest thing we’ve ever done in our lives! And even though we have lost our right to foster, we will never stop fighting for foster children because they are the truly innocent in a screwed-up world.

    I’m sorry for your pain.

    Reply
  • 26. jpirog2013  |  June 5, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    I’m happy you are back, I learned a lot from your blog last year. Please keep it going.

    Reply
  • 27. D Kraft  |  June 10, 2014 at 9:49 pm

    I have, in the past, fought like crazy to keep kids from being put back into terrible situations, where the person(s) who harmed them would have full access to them again, and the kids were terrified to be returned there. The Judges often seem to side with all the wrong people rather than doing what is best for the kids, or giving the kid’s emotions the attention that they deserved. It is frustrating and terrifying the way that children get tossed through the system like a prize for the “winner”.

    Reply
  • 28. butterflysblog  |  October 12, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    Sweet LT – you remind me of this wonderful dude, Frank, who runs this website called Postsecret.com. For the past ten years, he has asked strangers to send him their secrets on a postcard, and then he posts some of them on his website. New ones every week. Anyway, one of the things he says is “the children that the world almost breaks are the ones who grow up to save it.” I think you’re one of those kids. Love, Butterfly

    Reply
    • 29. Raychel  |  October 17, 2014 at 12:41 am

      Almost? What about if you’re one of the ones who WAS broken? What’s the saying for that?

      Reply
  • 30. helen hewett  |  December 21, 2014 at 4:20 pm

    I would have loved to hear your thoughts on remuneration of expenses. Is it unrealistic to expect by the time a foster child reaches 18 they are educated,graduated,taught to drive, have enough saved in a bank account for a car, start a uni degree or funds to get them started in work.

    Reply

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I know that means you can't take my writing without my permission. If you do, something can happen.
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