my messy hair has fears too

January 11, 2015 at 7:53 pm 93 comments

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i have messy hair.  in my last blog, some smart reader suggested that i get my messy hair cut.  it might actually be a good idea, since as an adult, i have never had anyone cut my hair. i did think about it in depth, but that being said….it’s not as easy as it sounds…

this is what my hair looks like in the morning

cartoon

this is what my hair looks like in the afternoon

messy-hair

this is what my hair looks like at night after a rough day at work

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this is what my hair looks like in the wind

It's a windy day!

this is what my hair looks like when i get electracuted

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this is what my hair would look like green……

how-to-draw-anime-hair

ah shit, this is what my hair looks like all the time…

bad_hair_day

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my hair is messy, dirty blond but lighter in the summer when i am outside more.  it NEVER grows any further than my shoulders, which i dont understand.  since i dont have it cut shorter, i would expect it to be down to my feet. hmmm. anyway, when it gets really bad, i grab a pair of scissors and cut it myself, never taking off too much  (although one time i chopped my bangs off and was the laughing stock at work).

isn’t it interesting that i have never as an adult had my hair cut by a hair professional? 

 

i think it comes back tPicture 090o the issues of not wanting people touching me and not being in control.  as i understand it, first the hair professional washes your hair and then they cut it, put stuff in it, and dry it… oh and they put some gown around your body -OMG, confined! …. the whole process feels like a loss of control to me and i hate thinking about people touching my head while i am confined. i think i would hate it…..but i don’t know, since i havent had it done.  i don’t remember getting that many haircuts growing up either, so basically i have had messy hair since day 1.

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some people my age wear their hair messy because they are artistic, but that is not really an excuse i could use because my messy hair is just messy. i can imagine that a hair professional could help my messy hair by cutting it, shapeing it, and giving me something to put in it.  i can imagine it might work… but i can’t imagine me going.  i know some people love getting their hair cut, but to me i get anxiety just thinking about it. .

what do you like about getting your hair cut?

how frequently do you get your hair cut?

does anyone feel like me and fear the hair professional?

bad_hair_day

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93 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sarah  |  January 11, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    1) I like that the professionals almost always do a better job than what my mom did. I have tried a few salons, but JC Penney’s is my favorite for both price and quality.

    2) To keep the same style, you should really get your hair cut about every three months (unless you keep it really, really short), but I tend to be more six to nine months, since I like having long hair.

    3) I don’t fear them, but it might help if you went in with a friend. Or maybe Dr. Val could go with you in lieu of one of your regular sessions.

    Reply
    • 2. LooneyTunes  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:07 pm

      oh wow. i thought people went every couple weeks! that tells you how much i know.
      didnt even know JC Penney’s cut hair!
      thanks.

      Reply
  • 3. Clark  |  January 11, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    Hi LT, I read your blog but have never commented. I’m an adoptee, and hope to adopt from foster care soon. I have had issues with haircuts ever since my long hair which I loved was cut off against my will when I was about 7. So I have anxiety getting my hair cut thinking the stylist will cut off too much. But if that is not your fear, let me tell you, it can be a VERY relaxing experience. They do put a gown on you, but it is more like a poncho, not restrictive at all, you can totally move your arms etc. it is only snapped closed at the neck. I’m sure they can snap it loosely if you ask. And they do wash your hair but it is very relaxing and soothing. But also, if you just can’t deal with that idea, you can avoid that whole step because they don’t HAVE to wash your hair. You can go in with it clean and just ask them to spray wet it to be able to cut it. Maybe you should do that the first time, then maybe when you get more comfortable, you can have them wash it, if you want to.

    Reply
    • 4. LooneyTunes  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:11 pm

      im sorry your hair got cut off against your will when you were a little kid. that sucks.
      im glad that you can find it relaxing now.
      i don’t know about this gown thing… the whole snapping around my neck things seems confining.
      if i get the nerve up to get a haircut, i will probably just do the cut first, if they dont have to wash it.
      the hair professional will be like “that is some amazingly messy hair you have!”
      thanks for the comment and explaining things.
      peace.

      Reply
    • 5. Beth D'Arcy  |  January 14, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      LT, you don’t have to wear the cape.
      It is just so you don’t get wet or hair all over you. The hair dresser may find it strange that you don’t want it. You don’t have to explain, but you could just say it makes you feel claustrophobic or allergic and you don’t mind getting hair on you.
      You are the customer and they generally want to please you for return custom.

      Reply
      • 6. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 10:35 pm

        i think if i go and get a haircut, i will tell them i dont want the cape.
        i would be more comfortable with my hair all over me than some strange, confining cape.
        claustrophobic is a good word!
        peace.

        Reply
  • 7. Clark  |  January 11, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    Oh yes and I have my hair cut about every 3 – 4 months, after avoiding doing it at all for years. It actually does help it grow because if you never cut it, the ends just keep splitting and falling off. But if you have a shorter style you might have to do it more often to keep a shape. You will love how the ends of your hair feel after you have it cut. Try it!

    Reply
    • 8. LooneyTunes  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:12 pm

      so my hair doesnt grow longer because i dont get it cut?
      that seems backwards, although it makes some sense about splitting ends because i can see them sometimes. 🙂

      Reply
  • 9. Homaira  |  January 11, 2015 at 8:40 pm

    I don’t really like my hair being touched either… but I had to beg for a haircut after my first installment of anatomy lab. It didn’t actually smell, but MY brain could smell it. 😛

    Reply
    • 10. LooneyTunes  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:15 pm

      oh man… it probably smelled like dead people. ick.
      if i were you i would wear nose clips in those classes. actually on tv one time, i saw these people put some sort of gel under their noses…
      study hard this week! 🙂

      Reply
  • 11. lee1978  |  January 11, 2015 at 8:48 pm

    I wish I could tell you I like getting my hair cut but I don’t. My hair is thin,limp and sort of ugly. It just hangs there. I don’t like to fuss with it so I usually only get it cut every couple of years. Most times I just pull it back in a scrunchie. However I was thinking about the control thing, and how I don’t like that cape they put over you either. (I also have to take my glasses off and don’t like that I can’t see what they are doing) I was wondering if you would rather youtube stuff about hair and see if there is something you can do on your own? My daughter is black and I rock doing her hair and it is only because of Youtube videos teaching me. Maybe type in “easy styles for thick curly hair” or something like that and see what comes up. I bet there could be things you could do to make it look less messy with not stressing out!

    Reply
    • 12. LooneyTunes  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:18 pm

      im glad to hear someone else doesnt like that confining gown.
      if i were you, i wouldnt let them take my glasses, especially if you cant see anything.

      i might check out youtube.
      i will have to type in “straight, messy, out-of-control hair” and see what comes up. LOL

      im glad your daughter has a cool mom that finds out how to do her hair!
      peace.

      Reply
  • 13. MontanaMum  |  January 11, 2015 at 8:49 pm

    I love getting my hair cut. The person I go to is very careful, the shampoo smells great,and it really feels good. It might be worth a try.

    Reply
    • 14. LooneyTunes  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:18 pm

      how did you find the person?
      do you have to wear the gown?

      Reply
  • 15. Birgitta  |  January 11, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    I fear the professional too, maybe for different reasons than you, but I get that it can be hard to trust someone like that. Thankfully, my sister has her cosmetology license so she cuts it for me. Maybe you could google or YouTube some haircut ideas. Might be a risk, but it also might be worth a try. Anyways, I’ve followed your blog for awhile now and it’s amazing. Your resilience is incredible. You inspired me to become a CASA volunteer and after a little over a year, my case is just coming to a close. It has been a fulfilling experience, to say the least. I wish you strength and peace as you keep moving forward. -Birgitta

    Reply
    • 16. LooneyTunes  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:20 pm

      thanks for your note. im glad you are a CASA 🙂 the USA needs more good CASAs!!

      you are lucky your sister cuts your hair.
      i get the trust thing totally.
      peace.

      Reply
  • 17. Another Time  |  January 11, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    I have very curly hair so I only brush it when it is wet because otherwise it looks like a combination of your afternoon and rough day of work pictures! Because I don’t brush it except after a shower it knots quick in the back.

    I only occasionally have my hair trimmed at home due to the ends being bad, (they look dry after being washed), but I have had it done at a real cut place. I like how it feels like a massage when getting washed. The blowdry part is optional, and costs, so I don’t get that part done. It poofs my hair, anyway. The gown thing makes you feel warm, but as long as you keep fluffing it slightly it doesn’t feel too confining and does keep most of the hair off to prevent itching. I don’t like the process because I don’t like having to stay still and I don’t even know why else. Unless I have a good vibe about the person, (a real good vibe instead of just, “yeah nice enough person”) I am usually slightly stiff. But that’s probably because I feel like I have to carry a conversation when I don’t.

    I recently found a real nice shampoo/conditioner combo that let’s my hair stay curly but not puffed up like a cat trying to look scary. I don’t know if it’d help you hair but it’s called John Frieda Frizz Ease Smooth Start Shampoo and the other tube is the same but conditioner. My tangles are rough clusters, like a steelwool but not THAT rough. When I use the conditioner I run my fingers through during the rinse process to free the tangles. Works real nice and my hair feels so soft!

    Reply
    • 18. LooneyTunes  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      well, thanks for telling me why people have to wear those gowns! i think i would rather have my hair on me than a gown.
      your hair sounds cool. mine is more straight with some bounce that is outta control 🙂

      i hate to sit still too. what do you talk to the hair professional about? hair? life?
      is she like a bartender who hears about eveyone’s life, but really just wants the tip?

      i might check into that shampoo. thanks.
      peace.

      Reply
      • 19. Another Time  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:49 pm

        I forgot part of my comment! The other day I mentioned the oddness of growth time, too. I find it odd a guy can decide to grow his hair out and have really long hair in a few weeks, while a girl decides the same and spends YEARS at it. My hair was cut when I was 9 or 10 and hasn’t grown back past my shoulder blades.

        Only recently have I started accepting my hair. I tend to envy those with hair like yours!! Oh, and I forgot to mention I have only seen that shampoo at Wal-Mart so far.

        Some of the stylists it is just a job with a tip, and it’s mindless chatter. Like about the weather and anything going on in the area. But sometimes you can get to know the stylist. (I used to go to a beauty school because it’s cheaper. But my favorite person graduated and then she moved away.) and when you know them the conversations get more friendly. My person I talked about work, volunteering, my pets, and school. But very little that last subject because I wasn’t actually in school then. I guess it’s kinda like a relationship with a boss?

        I am pretty sure you can decline the gown thing. I know people that wind up going straight home to shower loose hair off even when they wear it. I can’t see them saying you must wear it. Seems like they could lose a potential customer if they be picky about it.

        Reply
        • 20. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:42 pm

          yeah, guys hair seems to grow at a quicker pace than girls.
          mine never gets past my shoulders either! … but then i learned here that maybe you have to cut it more so its healthy and it will grow longer.

          dont envy my hair. seriously it is a freaking disaster. i just accept it as a disaster until recently.
          someone wrote that maybe i keep my messy hair to protect me. i think that was insightful.

          i think i am beginnning to think of hair professionals as bartenders. pour drink, chat, pour drink.
          cut hair, chat, cut hair, chat…

          this is seeming too complicated
          peace.

          Reply
          • 21. Another Time  |  January 14, 2015 at 7:23 pm

            Yeah, I guess hair is complicated. You’d think it wouldn’t be! I don’t always like accepting mine.

            I never really thought of the hair people like bartenders until you first mentioned it, and now that image has stuck. I like it! 🙂

          • 22. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 8:38 pm

            ha. i think hair people should provide beer like a bartender so people dont freak out when getting their haircut!
            hair is just one of my problems these days… LOL
            🙂

  • 23. bikelaura  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    So I get nervous about haircuts, too. And I hate the cape. But I warn you: the itchy hairs are worse than torture. So I endure the cape. The washing is the best part. I had someone cut my hair like a grandma when I was in 7th grade. So I only get my hair cut once a year-18 months. Then I give it to Locks of Love for kids with cancer. I suggest going to a school for stylists. They are learning but are extra careful because the teacher is always watching. I think I am going to try that frizz shampoo, too! From a fellow blonde with out of control hair…😃

    Reply
    • 24. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 11:19 am

      i think the cape freaks me out more than my hair on me.
      that’s cool that you donate your hair. i wish mine would grow that long
      i might check into a hair school and see what happens there…
      thanks

      Reply
  • 25. Stephanie  |  January 11, 2015 at 10:54 pm

    I go about every two months, otherwise my hair gets kinda tangly and I can’t do anything with it. I think it’s relaxing when they shampoo your hair and it smells nicer than what I use at home. I also don’t love the cape (I think it’s scratchy) but the loose hair makes me itch too, so whatever. They can adjust the snaps or Velcro though to make it looser. And like Sarah, I too go to JC Penny salon. 🙂 I vote go for it!!

    Reply
    • 26. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:37 pm

      its interesting how different people are when they get their hair cuts.
      but most people do find it relaxing like you…

      i think i could deal with lose hair over being confined by a cape. that really bothers me, even though it is snapped around your neck.
      peace.

      Reply
  • 27. dia321  |  January 11, 2015 at 11:31 pm

    Hi LT

    I usually get a haircut about once a year, I get weird about people touching my hair, funny idea maybe you can call around and find out if you can get a haircut without the gown, just wear a loose shirt And make sure you can go home after to shower so you don’t get all itchy maybe then you can work into the gown eventually.😄

    Reply
    • 28. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 11:21 am

      hm. does the hair itch that much? im thinking i would skip the gown and just deal with the hair…
      once a year is not too bad… would be like a tune-up — 🙂

      Reply
      • 29. dia321  |  January 13, 2015 at 2:09 pm

        It’s soo itchy especially around the neck. But if you shower after I think it’ll be okay!! And yes exactly like a tune up😄

        Reply
        • 30. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 10:49 am

          thanks
          🙂

          Reply
  • 31. onemorewithus  |  January 12, 2015 at 12:07 am

    LT, you are funny! Hehee! I love the “stages” of your hair 🙂
    I do like getting my hair cut. If I could though, I would have it down to my waste, but that doesn’t work. My hair has changed over the years, and it aged fast (I’m 36). So it doesn’t lay down pretty on my head when it grows. I end up putting it up on a bun, like I’m addicted to the bun. Bun everyday, all the time. That’s why I get the hair cut. I enjoy to fresh feeling I get from it.
    Though I don’t mind the gown around me, I really dislike the chatting that always has to happen between me and the hair dresser. Honestly, I would like to just sit there quietly, but they always want to chat and ask questions.
    Right now, my hair is getting long enough to put a tiny nob of a pony tail on. I’m getting itchy to get it cut off!!
    😉 Good night girl! xoxo (oh, I don’t like to spend too much money on it. So I only go when I know I have some to spare)

    Reply
    • 32. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 11:24 am

      i cant imagine talking to a hair professional that long.
      sounds like a bartender who hears everyones problems while they are drinking…
      i am really surprised because i thought people got there hair cut every other week of something, but it seems alot less often…
      i think the bun or the scrunchie are in… so you are “in”
      🙂

      Reply
  • 33. mv49496  |  January 12, 2015 at 12:37 am

    LT: this made me smile & try to picture what you look like. I also don’t get my hair cut by a professional very often (once a year or less) I color my hair dark brown out of a box and trim my bangs on an angle and either blow dry and brush it straight (for work) or just bunch it up in a messy bun (nearly the rest of the time) this type of look (pic below not me — it’s from google images 🙂 for me it’s not people touching me — it’s that it takes a lot of time and money (both of which I budget) that said, getting your hair shampooed by a professional feels awesome. you put your head back in a sink and they massage your head briskly and it relieves head pressure (plus you can close your eyes because you don’t want water in them so you don’t have to look at them) If you do get your hair cut, maybe pick someone who makes you feel comfortable. (even if it is a stereotype pick — hippy, grandma type, effeminate man, etc) best wishes! MV Date: Mon, 12 Jan 2015 00:53:17 +0000 To: mv_49496@hotmail.com

    Reply
    • 34. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 11:28 am

      i think the hair washing would freak me out, especially if i have to close my eyes.
      the thought of someone touching my head doesn’t sound relaxing to me, but you are not alone.
      seems lots of readers feel that the washing is relaxing.

      buns are in..

      how long does it take? what are the prices?
      peace.

      Reply
  • 35. sageplant  |  January 12, 2015 at 1:02 am

    I don’t get my hair cut very often. I go to a very small one person woman hair place. She is a very kind person, but for now she isn’t cutting hair because her son just took his life and she is in deep deep mourning. She is learning how to breath and talk and walk she tells me. I miss seeing her. I went to his memorial. He was young.

    You can tell someone, no gown please, and just a small trim. Simple.
    Try and go when it’s not a busy time so you don’t have to deal with other people. It took me awhile to get comfortable at hair salons. That’s why I like my friend. It’s comfortable.

    Reply
    • 36. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 11:29 am

      wow. sorry that your friend lost her son. thats rough.
      its nice that you feel comfortable going to her.

      i wouldnt even know when a busy time is? like the weekends and evenings?

      Reply
      • 37. Foster Mom in Training  |  January 12, 2015 at 12:37 pm

        LT,

        I suggest you go in for a trim. They can use a water bottle to wet down your hair. You do not have to have it washed. That might make it easier on you going in for the first time. You can request no gown if you want to. Keep in mind, the gown keeps the trimmed hair off of you. That hair is very itchy and sticks to your body. It’s not a big deal though. When my son gets a haircut, we just let him go shirtless. Then, the stylist uses the dryer to blow the hair off of him. If you do not want to wear a cape, then just take a shirt to change into when you are done.

        Hair cut costs can go anywhere from maybe $15-$100. It just depends on where you go. Remember to tip 15 to 20% too. You might want to tell the stylist is your first haircut. Yes, stylists are like bartenders that listen to everyone’s problems. LOL. You don’t have to have a live conversation. If you were quiet, then she will get the hint. If you don’t like that person, then pick another one. I do not know what state you’re in. You might try the Yellow Pages. We could also ask your boss or coworker where they go. Best of luck to you, LT. (((Hugs)))

        Reply
        • 38. Foster Mom in Training  |  January 12, 2015 at 12:39 pm

          You do not have to have a lot of conversation is what that should have said. LOL. I am having a heckuva time getting comments to post on here.

          Reply
          • 39. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 5:48 pm

            i put the comment moderation on, because i was tired of getting nasty comments on my blog.
            so i have to approve them before they post.
            sorry, but it cuts down on crap…

        • 40. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 10:06 pm

          hey i responded to the first one!
          sorry, i put on comment moderation and it wont post a comment until i approve it now.
          🙂

          Reply
          • 41. Foster Mom in Training  |  January 19, 2015 at 12:23 am

            Thanks for letting me know.

      • 42. sageplant  |  January 13, 2015 at 12:56 pm

        I dont know when the busy times are.probably not weekends. evening or early morning would be my guess. you could call a place and ask them when its not as busy at their business.

        hope you get a good experience with your hair cut. wish we could see a pic! I know, its not gonna happen, so when it happens, give us a little update please.

        Reply
        • 43. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 10:49 am

          trust me, those pictures on my blog really look like my hair – LOL
          thanks.
          peace.

          Reply
  • 44. Tara dSL  |  January 12, 2015 at 1:39 am

    I love getting my hair cut, every part of the experience. But I totally get how someone would feel uncomfortable if they didn’t want to be touched. Like others have said, you definitely don’t have to get your hair washed, although in my opinion it does feel really good, the warm water, hands in the hair, and the good smell of the hair products. But you might not like it because you are sitting in a reclined chair with your head tilted back into the sink, and in that position it could feel like surrendering control.

    I’m sure you could opt out of the cape as well, but there would be tiny hairs all over you, so I’d go straight home afterward to rinse them off. Otherwise you will be itchy all day.

    During the hair cut, I like to read what I call “trashy” magazines (the ones that are focused on celebrity gossip) and discuss with my hairdresser which dresses I like or don’t like, who is dating who, etc. Very shallow conversation, but we laugh a lot, and it’s the kind of conversation I can’t really have with anyone else in my life, because none of my family or friends read those magazines!

    How to find a good hair stylist…. Ask someone whose haircut you like for the name of their stylist. Also, maybe you would feel better if you called in advance and explained some of your concerns. You could say something like, “I’m looking for a stylist who will be understanding of my personal preferences. I’m not comfortable having my hair washed by another person or wearing a cape during the hair cut. Would this be a problem for you?” You will be able to tell by the way they react whether this place is going to feel safe for you. If they ask any further questions about it (which I would highly doubt they would) then you could say, “It’s a matter of personal space,” and leave it at that.

    Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

    Reply
    • 45. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:34 pm

      wow, im glad you like getting your hair done.
      im glad you dont talk about your personal life with the hair professional. i could make small talk, but would have a harder time trying to talk about me.
      most everyone i work with has messy hair and colored hair, but honestly, i think some of them get it styled messy.
      my messy hair is 100% natural – LOL
      maybe i should ask them anyway.

      i think the hair professional will think i am crazy. maybe i need to work on this issue in therapy first before i let all my crazy fears show up at the haircutting place… 😦

      maybe someday i could enjoy it like you
      peace.

      Reply
      • 46. Beth D'Arcy  |  January 14, 2015 at 10:23 pm

        LT, does it matter what the ‘hair professional” thinks? The aim is to make you feel better about yourself and get your hair cut -if you want.
        If they think you are a “looneytune!?” then you have done them a favour and given them a good laugh.

        Reply
        • 47. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 10:47 pm

          i dont like people laughing at me.
          laughing with me is ok, at me, not so much…

          Reply
  • 48. Foster Mom in Training  |  January 12, 2015 at 2:33 am

    LT,

    I get my hair cut every 6-8 weeks. The more often you cut it the healthier a d longer it grows. You do not have to wear the gown, but I recommend it. The urbane makes you itchy! And, it gets everywhere. The gown is usually held together at the neck tattoo snap orvcro. It’s easy to remove, lightweight, and waterproof. There are salons that have TVs to watch. Look around. You could go to a salon in a Walmart so you can watch people. I go to a salon where a lot of stylists work at once. It’s always busy. I like to people watch. At a salon, you can get your hair done, eyebrows waxed, toes and fingers painted, and even massage. Take it slow and easy. Just tell the person you’ve not had a haircut before and get nervous about people touching your hair. Al
    So the stylist to explain everything they do and just before they do it. 🙂 You just might enjoy the experience. 🙂

    Reply
    • 49. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      it is actually seeeming overwhelming. it is more complex than i thought.
      urbane? is that the hair that is cut off?

      so i guess the reason my hair does not grow is because i dont have it cut regularly… normally i chop it every couple months

      i like to watch people too. i think about lots of things when i watch people.
      maybe i will go watch outside a haircutting place.
      i dont think i could take any further steps but the haircut first.
      hm…
      peace.

      Reply
  • 50. truegritton  |  January 12, 2015 at 4:30 am

    It can be a scary thing to get your hair cut, not because of the cape, it keeps hair off you and also chemicals from ruining your clothes if you get your hair colored or permed. Not all professionals are good. Just like some psychologists can’t work with just anyone, same way with hair stylists. You could go on line and look up different hair styles, gosh even facebook pictures show different hair styles. Find styles you like, and imagine how you would look with that style. If you find someone with a hair cut you really like, ask them who cuts theirs. That is called word of mouth advertising. Then when you find a stylist who does good cuts, then show them the pictures of styles you like, and ask them if your hair would look like that, cut in that style. The thickness and coarseness of your hair affects the finished style. Nothing lifts your spirits like a style you love that looks good on you, and nothing crashes it like getting your hopes up, to waste your money and not get what you thought you were getting. If you get a good stylist, your hair can stay like that for a while, it would just get longer. Not everyone can afford or needs their hair cut often, especially if you want it to grow longer. I bet your hair is adorable anyway, I like a tousled look. Think of Farah Fawcett, she had a style that fit tousled. I think you need to play dress-up, try out makeup, curlers, lipsticks, gels, blow dryers, eyebrow shapes and colors, etc., and have fun with another girl, be silly, and laugh. It might give you ideas about what kind of look you would like to have. Most girls go through that stage somewhere between 11 and 16, it’s time you discovered how classy, funny, or dramatic you can be! Sometimes the department stores, and even Avon have samples you can have for free. You might even like to get a makeover, they are usually free. But they do like you to buy something from them, I usually buy the mascara or lipstick, if there isn’t something else I love. Colors usually determine if you are going classic or perky, or natural in your look. Somehow I think your taste is pretty awesome, and maybe you don’t know it.

    Reply
    • 51. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:20 pm

      oh boy. i missed that stage, cause i wear jeans, sweatshirts and chuck taylor like sneakers all the time.
      and everything is baggie. i dont dress up and if anyone saw me dress up, they would drop dead i think.

      i could ask some people at work where they get there hair cut… but alot of my co-workers have messy hair too! LOL
      i might draw a picture of how i want my hair to be…
      your right, i think i would be devestated if the hair professional messed up my messy hair and made things worse.
      i think i would miss my hair…

      Reply
  • 52. yoyoyoliYoli  |  January 12, 2015 at 4:40 am

    I actually loooooooove going salon but only go twice or 3 times a year, and love to get shampood they basically give you a head massage. Just close your eyes and try to relax 😉 It is nice when you go the same lady I know mine and we chit chat and catch up on our lives. She also does my eyebrows that is a bit painful but looks nicer when done. (with warm wax.. ) hope you find a nice place. You might just want to tell them that you have a bit of a issue with people touching you so they know to be extra gentle. I took a friend of mine’s son once and he did not want the gown (he was 4) and instead of having him cry they cut his hair without the gown as long as I was ok with it.. After the cut the took a blow dryer and blew most his hair off his shirt.. Hope you find a nice one. Don’t rush – go when you have plenty of time. I took my son last year to barber that I had never went to and he was not really listening to me when I said only a little trim maybe but like 1/2 inch. He ended up cutting my boys curls all off. (Like 2 inches.. ). I was disappointed (and I will not go back there again) but hey the good thing about hair is that it does grow back!!! When you are on youtube also check out messy buns that might look cute on you and it sounds like you have the messy part already taken care off 😉
    Have a great week LT!

    Reply
    • 53. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:16 pm

      you really close your eyes? i could never do that!
      i am not sure i would find it relaxing…

      i would have been upset with that barber who messed up your son’s hair! that’s alot to cut off – argh!

      Reply
  • 54. s00147954  |  January 12, 2015 at 6:29 am

    I haven’t been to a hairdresser in about 7 years – I figure why pay people to do what you can do yourself (even though I usually mutilate it). When I was a kid I never liked how the hair makes your back/neck itchy for ages afterwards, even with the gown.

    Lt I’ve always imagined you with crazy, long blonde hair. I can’t really imagine you any other way?

    Reply
    • 55. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:12 pm

      yeah, i am beginning to think i dont want my hair cut. LOL
      i think i will miss it… and then it is swept away like trash.

      if you saw my hair you would laugh..serioously.
      peace.

      Reply
  • 56. Jodi  |  January 12, 2015 at 7:40 am

    I always cut my own hair. The last time I went for a haircut it took six months to grow it back out right. I don’t know what it is, but something about my hair makes people want to hack six inches off and I LIKE long hair, I have curly hair and everyone wants to blow dry it straight (I LIKE curly hair, lol) so I gave up and do it myself. I trim my bangs and take an inch off the ends every couple of months. I personally am too cheap to buy expensive products for my hair but I do get the Aussie 3 minute miracle and put it on after I comb out my wet hair. It keeps the frizz down and the curls tamed. I am thinking of trying a natural things on my hair, like avocado for instance, instead of chemicals.
    If your hair is straight with some bounce, you are lucky 🙂 because that is the kind of hair you can do a lot with. Maybe when you look into a hairdresser, go on Yelp and scope reviews. That way you will have a heads up, I check reviews before going to any new business, doctor, etc. Good luck :).

    Reply
    • 57. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      omg! bad hair professionals with scissors.
      i swear i think i would freak out if they made that big of a mistake. holy cow!
      i am thinking i might miss my hair that falls on the floor. its weird, but its just swept awaay like trash.
      kind of freaks me out…along with all the other things.

      long curly hair is nice. wonder why they want to straighten it
      peace

      Reply
  • 58. manyofus1980  |  January 12, 2015 at 7:46 am

    LT
    My sister is a hairdresser. She does my hair for me all the time. It just as well as getting your hair cut and colored and stuff is so expensive! I get mine colored, dyed, whatever you want to call it, but I don’t get a cut to often. I do need one now though, I need about 2 inches off mine, to get rid of the straggy ends. I think your meant to get it cut every four to six weeks, to strengthen your hair growth. I don’t go that often to get mine done though. it is nice when someone shampoos your hair, its relaxing, the place I do go to when I do go, has a chair that you sit in and it vibrates when your sitting in it and when the ladys washing your hair. Its really nice. XX

    Reply
    • 59. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:08 pm

      your lucky your sister cuts your hair. you know who is doing it.
      lots of people say it is relaxing, i cant imagine that for me.
      peace.

      Reply
  • 60. auntie32  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:12 am

    Hello LT,

    This is my first time commenting… my husband and I are foster parents to two amazing little girls. I want you to know how very much I appreciate your blog. It has helped us is SO MANY ways to understand our girls better! So THANK YOU for sharing, you are touching many with your story and helping us to understand things better! Your sharing has also given me a mission to fight for kids in care and HOW we work with them to impact their lives long-term! Again… thank you for sharing openly and honestly!

    In respect to your hair… You said that the cape would be confining… I understand that would be so difficult for you, but I am wondering if you could ask NOT to have to wear a cape. That would give you more control over the situation. Oh, and if you want your hair to grow longer, cut it more often… keeping those ends healthy helps it to grow faster! 🙂 I am attempting to explain that to my 9 year old because she wants her hair to grow to her butt… LOL I really hope that you find someone who is willing to work with you… I think you may come to love having a little pampering in time!

    Wishing you the best and again, THANK YOU for sharing your journey… you have helped us in so many ways! ❤

    Reply
    • 61. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 6:06 pm

      thank you for your nice note. and thank you for being a foster parent! 🙂 the world needs more good foster parents

      i think if they would allow me to NOT wear the cape, i would feel slightly better. maybe i can bring my own towel and put it on my shoulders.
      i really dont mind my hair falling on me… seems easier to deal with than a cape.

      thanks for your note. i hope your 9-year can get her hair cut!
      peace.

      Reply
  • 62. thebeautifulopportunity  |  January 12, 2015 at 11:13 am

    Hi LT. When I was younger, I feared getting a haircut because I thought the wrong hair cut would lead to sexual abuse. Sometimes I still stress over what if…

    What kind of personality would you like in a hair stylist? I always call a new salon and describe the kind of person I want to the receptionist, who then can steer me to the right person. You can ask for someone that is chatty or quiet, someone who is very friendly or more reserved. Someone who is super speedy in cutting, etc. The receptionist can help direct you to the right person. That might help with the nerves.

    If you have straight hair, you could probably get away with a hair cut every six months if you wear your hair long. The first hair cut will make the biggest difference as the hair is cut all the same length, split ends are removed, etc.

    You can also buy The Wet Brush to tame your messy hair at home. If the sensation of brushing your hair bothers you (e.g. yanking on hair reminding of times of similar or other pain), this brush is fantastic. It doesn’t pull as much and is great at getting out tangles. You can buy it at Walmart, online, etc. Brushing every day will help keep your hair from flying in different directions.

    You can ask your stylist about the right hair products for you. There are detanglers and styling products that can tame wild hair.

    Are you a restless sleeper? If you toss and turn a lot at night, this can result in a rat’s nest of hair in the morning. If your hair is long enough, you can braid it at night to avoid tangles. In the morning after you remove the braids, you might have a slight wave, though.

    How do you wash your hair? If your hair is longer, don’t pile your hair on top of your head and scrub like crazy with the shampoo. Instead, pull your hair to the side and gently massage the shampoo in and rinse out in the same way.

    Do you chew on your hair? This will roughen the hair and make it more likely to tangle. It can be hard to break this habit, but you can use the stuff parents paint on children’s thumbs to help them stop thumb sucking. It tastes nasty, but is harmless. Put it on the ends of your hair that you chew and when you stick it in your mouth, you’ll definitely want to stop chewing on it.

    Do you constantly toy with your hair during the day, like twirling it or running your fingers through it? This can lead to messy hair, too. You can buy fidget toys, like mini magnets, cool putty, etc. to keep your hands busy and out of your hair.

    If you go to the salon, wear an old t-shirt and tell them you’d rather not wear the cape they normally provide ( a white lie like you have a sensitive neck is ok!). Also, go in with clean hair and have them just wet it to cut it. You can bring a book, an iPhone, DS, etc. so you don’t have to talk to the stylist. But, most importantly, make sure you have all of the tangles out before you go. If you have tangles, they will need to spend more time getting out the knots and may inadvertently pull your hair and cause pain. This could aggravate your uneasiness.

    Lastly, prepare emotionally. If you’ve always had messy hair and then have tidy hair, you may feel vulnerable. It’s ok and it’s normal. First, everyone feels self conscious when they get a new hair style. They wonder how other people will react. You could feel this way, too. Second, messy hair may have been a subconscious way to “defend” yourself. Long hair covering your face let’s you hide. Appearing less attractive can help you avoid unwanted attention. If this is the case for you, recall that you have been the one in control and that you are choosing this as part of your healing. The fact that you are online, learning how to leave messy hair behind is proof.

    Best of luck!!!

    Reply
    • 63. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 6:02 pm

      wow, thanks for the long reply. i am sorry you were afraid to get haircuts because of the SA 😦
      you raised some VERY interesting points.
      like for example, why have i had messy hair so long and what would the change make me feel like. i could use a therapy session about this.

      you also gave me some good ideas for things. like shampooing. i usually just pour and scrub. never pull it to the side or anything like that.
      i dont chew on my hair, but i run my fingers through it, especially when i get stressed… usually making it more messy.
      i am a very restless sleeper and i have tried to put something like a bandana on my hair, but it gets ripped out during the night.

      you know, i wondered if i would miss my hair if i cut it off. it sounds stupid, but its part of me and i would be losing it.

      you must have thought alot about hair cuts, because your post was very insightful and gave me tons to think about.
      thanks.
      peace

      Reply
  • 64. dinah1007  |  January 12, 2015 at 11:41 am

    I love to have my hair washed there. They massage your scalp, feels really good. The pnly time my hair looks good is when someone else fixes it for me. I too have cut my own bangs poorly. My daughter told me most people outgrow that by the time they are 3. Anyway, you could try it and if you don’t like it just leave!

    Reply
  • 65. Sarah  |  January 12, 2015 at 11:57 am

    I didn’t get my hair cut much growing up, so I had a lot of the same questions.

    My favorite bit, by far, is that they wash your hair. They put the gown on you first, which is pretty big and not confining (it’s very light fabric) except at the neck (you can ask them to make it looser), but feels sort of safe (for me!) or like I’m a bit invisible under it. The places I’ve gone have washed the hair in a public area, so even though it’s a thing people usually do in private, it never feels like it’s a private thing or creepy because it’s set up like a factory (rows of sinks with cutouts for heads) and there are other people in and out. It’s very relaxing and I always wish it went longer. They usually use nice shampoo and conditioner and the water is a good temperature (they ask and adjust it to make sure usually). Most/some of the chains (like Costcutters) don’t wash your hair.

    I’ve gone to a few salons and also a few student places. The student places are less intimidating, but it’s also possible for them to mess up and have to have a teacher fix it. But you can tell them you are scared or that this is your first haircut–if they ask questions, you can just tell them you never got around to going because you’re not a girly girl or money was tight or you did it yourself, whatever.

    Not all barbers/stylists are chatters. Some are. Most will ask a few questions, but you can give short but nice answers and they usually stop. I had one guy who just talked a lot about his new hobby (biking) but I didn’t have to say much. If you have told them you are new, many will be more gentle and might ask questions to put you at ease but you can always tell them you don’t feel too chatty. I find closing my eyes helps when I don’t want to chat too much, if you feel comfortable doing that. When they do talk, I usually ask them questions about how they got into cutting hair, what they like about it, etc. Or I ask them about what they recommend for my hair, given its texture/etc.

    They really want you to have your glasses off, in my experience. I usually hold them under the gown because I don’t want them to accidentally get lost.

    I haven’t been in about two years because money has been tight and I didn’t know what style I wanted. I have always been told when I do go that I have really healthy hair with no/few split ends (I don’t get trims between). This might be luck, but I also don’t use hair dryers or curling irons and I probably get most of my vitamins/minerals/whatever makes hair happy.

    You could start by looking for pictures of people who have hair that looks similar in texture to yours whose hair style you like. Part of getting a haircut is often showing a picture (or a few) to the person cutting it.

    Also, there is usually a tip associated (this part still is hard for me because I am awkward and I want to do it right and the right amount). I usually google it beforehand and then tip around $5 regardless.

    I am the kind of person who hates almost every haircut when I get it, but I like it by the next day. Even before I like the haircut, I like the way my head feels special and smells like fancy shampoo. They usually style it a little at the end (just comb it nice, add a little styling product).

    Some (most?) will offer to sell you some of the products they used on your hair. Some places they get a commission. You can ask them for their card so that you can come back later to buy it if you feel awkward in this situation (I often feel weird about it!).

    Here’s what might be nice about it for you:
    It’s people touching you, but only your head. They are doing it for a professional reason, not because they like or dislike you, and in that way they are like a good doctor, but they are not going to hurt you or anything. They are mostly touching your hair. But it’s still got some of the good stuff about human touch, like it is often a little relaxing. (You could also try a manicure or pedicure or a hand massage if you wanted just this.)

    It seems like it might be a not-too-scary way of challenging yourself and trying new things. You can start small (just trimming off the split ends) and bail if you need to. If you start with a chain place or a school, it is not too expensive. You can schedule with someone if you want a woman.

    That is a ton of information. Take your time and do it when/if it feels okay to you–it sounds like your hair has been just fine all this time! 🙂

    Reply
    • 66. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 5:43 pm

      wow. thanks for the long explanation about what its like getting your hair cut.
      i dont think i could ever close my eyes becuase i wouldnt trust what the person was doing… like my fears would tell me the hair professional is going to slit my throat. i know crazy, but i dont know these people 😦

      i would definitely need a woman and i hope it would be someone with short nails (crazy mind reacting again).

      i can imagine what i want my hair to look like. maybe i will try to draw it.
      there are tons of pictures on the internet, it can get overwhelming…
      it’s like how do you know that hairstyle will look good on you, you know?

      i didnt know you needed to tip, so that is a good bit of information.
      since i work in the restaurant industry, i understand the importance of tips!
      thanks!
      peace.

      Reply
  • 67. Foster Mom in Training  |  January 12, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    LT,

    I suggest you go in for a trim. They can use a water bottle to wet down your hair. You do not have to have it washed. That might make it easier on you going in for the first time. You can request no gown if you want to. Keep in mind, the gown keeps the trimmed hair off of you. That hair is very itchy and sticks to your body. It’s not a big deal though. When my son gets a haircut, we just let him go shirtless. Then, the stylist uses the dryer to blow the hair off of him. If you do not want to wear a cape, then just take a shirt to change into when you are done.

    Hair cut costs can go anywhere from maybe $15-$100. It just depends on where you go. Remember to tip 15 to 20% too. You might want to tell the stylist is your first haircut. Yes, stylists are like bartenders that listen to everyone’s problems. LOL. You don’t have to have a live conversation. If you were quiet, then she will get the hint. If you don’t like that person, then pick another one. I do not know what state you’re in. You might try the Yellow Pages. We could also ask your boss or coworker where they go. Best of luck to you, LT. (((Hugs)))

    Reply
    • 68. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 5:47 pm

      thanks for the information.
      i like the idea of not wearing the gown. i think i could deal with my itchy hair on me over being confined in someone else’s gown.

      i imagine the hair professional laughing hysterically when i walk in for a trim.
      they would be like “you need serious help LT!” – LOL

      holy shoot. i didnt know haircuts can cost $100. woa. not looking to go that fancy.
      you are the second person that mentioned the tip, which is good.
      since i work in the restaurant industry, i understand the value of tips! 🙂

      thanks,
      peace

      Reply
  • 69. Dee  |  January 12, 2015 at 3:38 pm

    Hi LT,

    Not a big fan of getting my hair cut at salons. I find they are kind of rough and pull my hair while they wash it. Also, I just ask for a small trim, and they usual take way too much off. I have long hair, and I like my long hair. I usually just have a friend trim it for me.

    If you do go, you could ask them to just put a towel over your shoulders. That would work fine.

    Reply
    • 70. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 5:50 pm

      hey that’s a good idea instead of the cape. maybe i could bring my own towel too and put it over my shoulders.
      they will probably think i am crazy..

      thanks for being honest about salons being rough and them cutting too much.
      i need all opinions.
      peace.

      Reply
  • 71. onemorewithus  |  January 12, 2015 at 3:43 pm

    LT, a busy time may be on the weekend because of parties, for sure. Some places are first come, first serve. Others, you have to schedule. You can definitely tell people you prefer no gown, though it might itch you (the cut hair on the skin gets uncomfortable). Also, you can wash your hair at home, go to a walk-in salon, get the trim and not blow dry it. It may even cost you less. Ask for no style whatsoever, just a trim. That way the wet hair won’t poke you. You can shake the cut hair off at home.
    Prices vary, but I will say between 15 to 35 dollars? I do live in a small town, so that may not be the same for everyone. I go to the Mall (Regis, Dillards, Cost Cutters) because those welcome walk-ins.
    It can take as little as 15 minutes or as long as 4 hours if you are doing a complete treatment 🙂

    Reply
    • 72. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      i cant imagine sitting there for 4 hours! holy cow…
      i live in a city, but i once saw a place that said $15 on the sign.
      i think a hair professional will be like “holy shoot, you need some hair help!” – LOL
      thanks

      Reply
  • 73. KP  |  January 12, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    I get freaked out about hair cuts too! I don’t like people having control over my hair or touching me without my consent. For a while I would only go to get my hair cut after I had just showered and washed my hair, and I would tell them I didn’t want it washed. I don’t mind the gown, but I bet it wouldn’t be an issue to ask the hairdresser not to use it, or maybe they could just drape it around you gently and not fasten it.

    I have to get my hair cut sort of regularly because it’s short, and I work in an office and I’m expected to look professional. But when I was in college, my friend cut it for me and it was great – I trusted her, she would do it in my kitchen over a trash can, and it always looked great. Plus, it was super-cheap. Right now I pay $33/haircut (plus a $6-7 tip).

    Reply
    • 74. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 5:52 pm

      another person freaked out by haircuts! we could have a therapy group about this… 😉

      wow, thats interesting that you have to keep your hair a certain way for work.
      where i work, hair of every style and color exists. my messy hair fits in there actually. LOL

      seems like alot of money for a haircut. woa.
      too bad your friend doesnt cut hair still…

      peace

      Reply
  • 75. PurpleLindsay  |  January 12, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    A little like finding a good doctor, It’s all about finding a good stylist you are okay being around, and then sticking with them. You learn to be more comfortable with them, and they learn just how you like your hair and what bugs you. Could you ask KC or even Dr Val who cuts their hair? Referrals are the best way to find someone good and if people you trust are comfortable with a stylist, you might be too.

    It is okay to tell them what is ok with you and what isn’t. You don’t have to be shampooed. You don’t HAVE to wear the gown (you might have to go right home and change clothes though, or they could pin a towel around your neck) The worst part for me is having to sit in front of a mirror for however long the haircut takes, and my stylist knows this and keeps me spun around and facing away from the mirror.

    The BEST part about getting a good haircut is walking out feeling reinvented- a new haircut can really make you feel more confident and poised. (even for me, the near-opposite of a super stylish feminine type)

    P.S. I’m reading a novel right now that made me think of you. It’s called Dear Mr. Knightley by Katherine Reay, and it’s about a former foster kid pursuing a career in journalism. I see myself in the main character too!

    Reply
    • 76. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 5:56 pm

      i might ask KC, but remember, she is an artist, so her hair is well… messy, but not as bad as mine. LOL
      maybe KC’s mom has a person. i would feel weird asking Dr. Val a question like that….i dont know why, but i would.

      hey, i never thought about having to sit in front of a mirror the whole time.
      kind of weird looking at yourself, undergoing this transformation….
      that’s a good idea to sit backwards.

      i wonder what i would feel like… like would i miss my hair? seriously.

      hope you enjoy the book. i might look at the library if you think it is good.
      peace

      Reply
  • 77. Paisley  |  January 12, 2015 at 7:32 pm

    I’m in the very rarely cut my hair boat. I cut it last month for the first time in a few years! It grows really long though and my tendency is to grow it long and then chop it off to donate. To make sure you feel more in control of the haircut, why not bring a picture of the haircut you’d like?

    When I cut my hair last month, I made an entire Pinterest board of haircuts I liked and wanted to mimic. A good hairstylist will be able to tell you if the cut will work with your hair texture and if it’ll complement your face. It also makes sure you’re in control of how you look and can help make you feel better 🙂

    I’d also check on Yelp. I get nervous about hair cuts because I’m a little silly and vain 🙂 but I’ve googled around a good bunch before finding a place I trusted. If you read the reviews and see a bunch of people saying one hair stylist was the best, you can make an appointment with that stylist, even at the cheaper spots. It can help make you feel even more control of the situation.

    Reply
    • 78. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:50 pm

      do you think that the hair professional really can tell you if a hair style looks good on you?
      cause i was thinking of drawing a picture… but if it would look stupid, i would want to know that.

      i think the hair professional will be like “LT, you need major help!!” -LOL

      do you trim yours frequently? or does it just grow longer?
      mine never seems to make it past my shoulders….

      thanks
      peace.

      Reply
      • 79. Paisley  |  January 13, 2015 at 7:53 pm

        They really can tell if it looks good on you. They cut hair all day and they can tell what translates across facial shapes. It definitely makes a difference.

        Instead of drawing a picture, I’d try googling around for styles that look like what you want. There are key words you can try, like “long bob” if you’re looking for a wavy, messy look.

        I never get trims, only because I’m lucky in that my hair takes ages to get split ends. It’s probably not the healthiest approach to haircuts but it works for me. I’m not sure why mine grows so long but you can ask the hair stylist for advice as well.

        Reply
        • 80. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 11:03 am

          ok. maybe i will take pictures instead of drawing what i want. maybe if i go, i will take a couple different looks so the hair professional can tell me which are the best for me.
          probably with my luck, she will be like “shave your head – your hair is too messy. – LOL”

          Reply
  • 81. Elizabeth  |  January 12, 2015 at 7:50 pm

    Wow this is timely. I am having my third haircut next week. I was afraid to have my haircut for years because of abuse issues. I finally got brave enough and got it cut and it was a great experience. But then the woman who did it left and the second haircut was the worst thing ever. So I just let my hair get crappy and messy again.

    I think I do look better with short hair because I have the messy uncontrollable thing going when I don’t cut my hair and I think I need to look professional. But. Ugh.

    I spent my entire last therapy session trying to figure out what to do about the haircut. I have finally got the nerve to schedule a haircut with someone new, but I plan to spend my entire next therapy session planning it out. I’m afraid if I have another bad experience I’ll never get up the nerve to try again so I need to make sure I have a really solid plan. Here’s what I will talk to my therapist about:

    * What are the secret haircut code words? I know there are secret haircut code words but I don’t know what they are. I think people whose parents think they are worthwhile learn the secret haircut code words. I know “layering” is one of them but I have found contradictory definitions. I know if you don’t use them they will just hack your hair off in a straight line and send you on your way after 2 minutes and still charge you $50. I find that traumatizing because with my time on the street I’m really freaked out about spending money like that. It feels too much like she just tricked me to steal my money.

    * what should I even ask for? Maybe we will work out a script or something or write it down so I won’t have to talk? Mayb we can plan what kind of haircut to ask for or find a picture to show them.

    * what can go wrong and what can I do about it?

    * I already know I won’t let them wash my hair and put stuff in them because the last hairdresser just pretended to cut it and used the stuff to make it look short and when I got home she hadn’t cut it.

    * is there anything else I should expect from the haircut.

    Reply
    • 82. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:47 pm

      omg..i was just thinking i needed to talk about this in therapy. it all seems too complicated to me.
      that sucks that you had a second cut that was horrible. you should be proud of yourself for going back now!

      i was thinking of drawing a picture of how i want my hair… but then i wonder if the hair professional will actually tell me the truth or just cut it that way because they need to make money.

      im glad your therapist is open to talking about this with you. maybe she can help you deal before and after..

      like think about this… your hair is cut and then it is swept away into the trash. i feel like i am being trashed if i lose my hair.
      i know that is crazy, but that is what i am thinking about.

      i wonder how many other people find it this stressful?
      good luck, tell me how it goes!!
      peace.

      Reply
  • 83. ritalee8383  |  January 12, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    LT there are some hair dressers that will cut your hair at your home. Maybe you could try that? I know I always feel good after I get a haircut. I don’t go that often but it always looks better when I do. I wash it ahead of time to cut down on the cost. Maybe you could bring your friend KC with you.

    Reply
    • 84. LooneyTunes  |  January 12, 2015 at 10:03 pm

      hm. i never heard of a hair cutter coming to your house.
      KC has messy hair too, cause she is an artist…. but honestly i think it is styled that way.
      mine is 100% natural messy. – LOL
      i am going to ask her and at work, but i still need to think alot about it.
      it is more complicated then people realize….

      thanks
      peace.

      Reply
  • 85. mommyof6  |  January 13, 2015 at 1:58 am

    Hi LT, I just had a haircut last Friday. My last hair cut was a year ago and since my hair grows so fast it was getting to my waist. I have lots of hair and is curly. It weights tons and it feels way lighter every time I get a haircut. I barely have time for my hair so I normally have it on a pony tail or in a bun. I do not fear the salon but my children do. My oldest boy has SPD and the touch and sound of the hair clippers is too much for him. He also dislikes the gown and fidgets a lot when sitting. I had to learn to cut his hair and I do it once a month for him. I don’t use a gown and I cut his hair while he is standing up. I allow him to have plenty of brakes and he can also be playing his iPad to help him easy his sensory issues. I recently switched to professional hair clippers and it made a difference. The clippers are less loud and they cut way better and faster. I try to cut his hair when I have plenty of time and plenty of patience 😀 . I also have my adopted twin daughters who had a terrible experience as toddlers. Their hair was shaved (bio mom gave many excuses why) and it affected their self-stem. They used to make drawings of themselves with long hair. Every day they looked at the mirror while I was doing their hair and asked me if their hair was growing. I put a lot of emphasis on their hair and made sure I put cute with headbands and ribbons. Now, 2 years after they came, their hair is long (mid-back length) and they love me doing different styles in their hair. I have been talking to them about having a hair cut but they want to have long hair so I haven’t push them. I cut their bangs and I trimmed the back to make it even little by little. In my experience as a foster parent. I have seen that a balanced diet helps to have a healthy hair and also helps the hair to grow. I applaud you for contemplating the idea of having a hair cut and as always, an Amazing post!
    Take care

    Reply
    • 86. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 10:42 am

      wow. what a good mom for doing all these things for your kids and their hair! 🙂
      it sounds like you are making experiences more positive for them!

      it is more complex than alot of people realize for me. i dont know if i will do it or not.
      i am sort-of working into it. i think alot first and then do…
      sometimes i think for along time!!
      peace.

      Reply
  • 87. midwestmelissa  |  January 13, 2015 at 5:22 pm

    Hi LT. I have been reading through these comments and while there are such good details, I worry that it will make you think it’s more complicated than it really is. The hairdresser’s job is to help you and guide you and be nice to you. Sometimes they make the gown a little tight around the neck not to be mean but to be really thorough so that no pesky little hairs sneak in there (and some always do seem to sneak in anyway). I think it would be good for you to either not wear a gown or ask them to leave the neck loose. You might be picturing that the cut hair that the gown is protecting you from would be nice long chunks of hair (how can those be itchy if they just lie there like hair?). But I wanted to clarify… A good haircut is not just one cut across resulting in bigger chunks. There is delicate little shaping here and there, so it doesn’t look like a severe line. In this shaping stage, there can be tiny little bits cut off. These little bits of hair are the ones that get itchy, because they don’t lie nicely on your skin. But if you head home and wash them off in the shower, you should be itch-free in no time! One thing that might be a little weird for a first-timer is the way you lean your head back into the sink for the washing. Like others, I really like this part, but you might want to think through what that will feel like (you recline and look at the ceiling and wall, you feel the sink rim on the back of your neck, which is sometimes padded with a towel, the hairdresser is mostly behind you or to your side, the water is so nice and warm but not hot) so that the sensations are not a surprise for you. If you go to a nicer salon, they might offer you coffee, tea, water, or even wine (feel free to refuse). Remember to tip 15% – 20% (I do 20% because I find the math easier). They always ask me if I want to buy hair products at the end and I always say thanks but no. Something else I didn’t see mentioned is the end-of-haircut blow-dry (sometimes called a blow-out). At home, I either let my hair air-dry or blow-dry it in a messy way. In the salon, she blow dries it using a brush (sometimes called a roundbrush), and this makes it really smooth and straight (which also helps her check to make sure her cut is good and clean up any weird parts with make-up cuts). It’s fun to have smooth hair for a day, but I know that as soon as I take a shower, it will go back to my usual less-smooth style. My hairdresser seems to like it when I ask questions or don’t know something – she is really helpful and likes to explain. Sometimes after a haircut I feel really light, like a weight is gone. And remember, it grows back. It might be scary the first time, but some people see it as a form of self-care or self-nurturing. Good luck!

    Reply
    • 88. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 10:56 am

      thanks for your lengthy reply and the details.
      i was trying to figure out how hair would be itchy on my skin and now i see what everyone means.
      i just assumed long, big wads of hair would be cut out!

      the sink thing freaks me out. its a pretty vulnerable position with your head back and neck exposed (i know my crazy thinking)
      for some reason, i cant picture myself lying back with my head getting washed. i dunno… its the same problem with the dentist.

      im less worried about it not growing back and more worried about losing my hair that is swept away into the trash.
      like throwing away a part of me. sounds crazy i know, but i think about things too deeply.

      i may go find a place and people-watch for awhile.
      i may ask people at work where they go. most of them have messy hair, but i think it is styled to be messy!

      thanks for the explanations..
      peace

      Reply
  • 89. Cee Jay  |  January 13, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    I haven’t been to the hairdressers for a couple of years now, I cut it myself at home. I loathe spending my hard earned money on just getting a trim when I can do it myself.
    I love the head massage when they wash my hair but, I don’t like making idle chit chat with a stranger.
    Do you have a friend or someone you trust that could trim it for you at home?
    Good luck

    Reply
    • 90. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 11:06 am

      i was surprised to hear how much a haircut can cost! it can be alot of money!!
      my friend KC has messy hair too, but she is really an artist. it is not as messy as mine and she uses stuff in it.
      mine is just naturally messy. – LOL
      i think if she cut mine, she would cut it all off, as a joke.

      i trim it myself, but its more just the whole hair that is messy… not just the ends.
      i dont know, i have to think about this alot more…
      there seems to be alot more negatives than positive for me…
      peace.

      Reply
  • 91. jordynn28  |  January 14, 2015 at 7:57 pm

    I have a relative in the autism spectrum. Hates getting haircut and also has lots of scalp dandruffy issues so we just go to a Supercuts vs a fancy salon. We ask for someone who specializes in cutting children hair (children have fears and move around and hate the cape too). We explain carefully that there is a scissors phobia, a discomfort about the hair getting CUT and he doesn’t like to talk much so skip all the small talk please. He may look like a burly grown man, but he is to be treated like someone getting their haircut for the first time, every time. Basically you can tell them you have a “thing” about the cape and due to nerves, can they just not wash it, trim the BACK so you get used to the idea. then come back another time for a full blown cut if it was okay enough.?

    Reply
    • 92. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 8:41 pm

      thanks for your note.
      i was worried that the hair professional would not be willing to get rid of the cape, etc.
      sounds like your relative has had good people cutting his hair and respectful.
      i dont think i could afford a fancy salon… just want a place that is easy first…
      peace.

      Reply
  • 93. kaitlyn smith  |  March 10, 2015 at 7:26 am

    wow nice experience,although i also feel like u,i like to get my hair cut but cant get d guts to sit in a barbers chair while he capes me with a long gown and i can always imagine on my own when the barber askes me to sit down while he cuts my.my hair also does not grow more tham my neck buh when i was a kid,my hair was almost to the middle of ma back and then my mum gave me a forced headshave to a buzz,i dont stil get why she shaved my hair though,but now it can hardly reach my neck completely but gettin to my shoulder, but my hair wasnt a mess before and after my buzz cut,but for your case i realy think u should get your hair cut,it realy helped my hair messy or not GOOD LUCK GETTING UR HAIR BACK TO NORMAL,u realy nid to believe in urself ok

    Reply

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