Moonlight

January 19, 2015 at 8:57 pm 87 comments

 

.alask

For those readers that don’t remember from the early years of the blog, i have a dog named Moonlight.  She sort of looks like this ———>

 

th She is really like me in so many ways.  She doesnt trust anyone easily, she is loyal to those she does trust, and she is scared, but tough.  Many people and vets told me to put her down because she bites… she even bites me still after all these years.  The other day she bit me and i sobbed for like 30 minutes…. not because of the pain, but because i understood that she was biting me because she was scared.

In 2010dog_pounds after many hospitalizations and specialists, and biopsys, she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder of her entire GI system (LPE with esophil infilitration).  i dont understand it, but she has to take alot of medicines to survive.  Well, it is now five years later and she has stopped eating and lost 10 pounds since early December.  This is NOT good.

i have tried to get her to eat anything.  i make chicken, steak, eggs, pizza, … i get her favorite treats… and she won’t even eat those anymore.  When my cat Harbor died last year, he did the same thing…stopped eating even though i brought all kinds of foods.

My vet sa5471047557_4dc13f5376id “she doesn’t know what else she can do.”  She has saved Moonlight more times than i can count, with changes in meds, fluid therapy, etc.  She has nothing more….

My vet really likes Moonlight and me.  She has even told me this, but she has to stay objective and she was today.  Once she cried with me, a couple times she hugged me…. but now she has to be objective.

Moonlight is older… probably close to 14, but she is my dog.  She is so much like me, its scary. i swear i dont think i will make it when i lose her.  She is honestly the only creature/human/thing that i 100% trust because she doesnt bullshit… If she is pissed at me, she bites, if she is scared at me she bites, if she is feeling protalaskective of me, she comes in the closet and sits near me or she walks directly in front of me, etc. i look in her eyes and it is like looking into mine.

Many times i have woken up with her fur covered in blood because i cut myself and hid in the closet and she came in to comfort and protect me. Many times i have laughed at the silly things she does, like rip toys apart to get the squeaker or the way she barks which sounds more like a howl or how she head butts me when she wants something. Many times i have been in awe of her survivorness because i get it.  100%

i have to take Moonlight back to the vet in 2 days.

i need her to survive… because i need her, for me to survive.

 

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shrink rewards i want to go with her

87 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Another Time  |  January 19, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    I hope the appointment goes well and that she starts eating again! 😦

    Reply
    • 2. LooneyTunes  |  January 19, 2015 at 9:42 pm

      thanks 😦

      Reply
  • 3. Kimberly  |  January 19, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    Very glad you have moonlight in your life, my thoughts will be with you both until your next post on how things with her and vet go

    Reply
    • 4. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:33 am

      thanks 😦

      Reply
  • 5. Jacqui  |  January 19, 2015 at 10:12 pm

    She’s precious. I hope she feels better!

    Reply
    • 6. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:33 am

      thanks 😦

      Reply
  • 7. Stephanie  |  January 19, 2015 at 10:24 pm

    😦 Sounds like she has been a strong, great friend to you. I hope she pulls through again. Praying for peace for both of you. ((Hugs))

    Reply
    • 8. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:34 am

      thanks 😦

      Reply
  • 9. reallyintothewords  |  January 19, 2015 at 10:41 pm

    Oh LT, I’m so sorry. My 14 year old westie died just before christmas and I swear, I cried so much when she passed and when we burried her. I know how scary this is for you. Big hugs.

    Reply
    • 10. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:34 am

      im sorry you lost your friend.
      it sucks 😦

      Reply
  • 11. dinah1007  |  January 19, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    I have no magic words to comfort you, wish I was there to be with you. Be strong. Moonlight is lucky to have found you.

    Reply
    • 12. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:34 am

      thanks 😦

      Reply
      • 13. dinah1007  |  January 22, 2015 at 3:40 pm

        I’d just like Edie to fuck off. I hate using bad language but I really feel as if he wouldn’t understand a more civil tongue.

        Reply
  • 14. bluejuliej  |  January 19, 2015 at 10:51 pm

    I am thinking of you and Moonlight.

    Reply
    • 15. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:35 am

      thank you 😦

      Reply
  • 16. Kristyna  |  January 19, 2015 at 10:59 pm

    Praying for you and Moonlight.

    Reply
    • 17. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:35 am

      thanks 😦

      Reply
  • 18. sheila  |  January 19, 2015 at 11:35 pm

    my first dog. he was a greyhound, former racer. serious sparation anxiety, loved to eat pumpkin when i carved. pumpkin for halloween, would rub his neck on those perfume trial strips in magazines and then smelled good, was tall! his head would rest nicely on my hip every where i went. people thought he was a deer or something and were confused and stayed clear of us. he would whine when i closed the bathroom door and he couldnt be with me. i loved him- he was so perfect for me. i still love him 8 years later.

    prayers for you dear, for your best friend, for your vet.

    Reply
    • 19. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:36 am

      wow. your dog was lucky to have his people.
      thanks for your note.

      Reply
  • 20. sageplant  |  January 19, 2015 at 11:43 pm

    Your dog sounds like a true friend and more, like a soul mate. I wish I could say that your dog gets better, but I know that it’s not kind to keep a pet alive when it’s time for them to go. If it’s moonlights time, make a good preparation for her parting. Make it be the memory of you giving her last love till you meet again. Save some of her fur, take pictures, make a paw print..you get the idea. I know this will be huge. I’m sorry. It just is to dam hard sometimes. I had five dogs at my house today, it was crazy in a good way. Only one of the dogs was mine. Mine is getting old now too and I have been to the vet more and more the last few months. I try and make her comfortable for the most part. Peace for you…and Moonlight

    Reply
    • 21. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:36 am

      its hard as they get old. i wish they lived as long as us
      😦

      Reply
  • 22. Edie  |  January 20, 2015 at 1:40 am

    what is wrong with you, u can’t put my post up? I didn’t say anything wrong…you know you are a loss cause, because you do not deal with reality and want to play the victim all the time…your dog is old, old dogs die, move on, be thankful for what you had…I was going to pray for you and your situation, even suggested you get anew dog….I’d rather spend my time helping people, who want help…but YOU never want help, just whining to get sympathy, and everyone falls for it…whatever I’m done again with you, please take me off your SELF PITY WEBSITE…for the 3rd time now!!!!

    Reply
    • 23. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      go away.

      you have to remove yourself from my blog.

        WordPress does not allow me to do it!!!!

        go away please

      Reply
    • 24. ritalee8383  |  January 22, 2015 at 1:26 pm

      I don’t like you.

      Reply
  • 25. Eilan  |  January 20, 2015 at 5:11 am

    Hi LT,

    I know how hard these things can be – I’ve been through the same a couple of years ago. It still hurts, a lot. Some people say you can just get another, but there is no replacements, at least for me, animals are just like people, or most of the times even more 🙂

    I really hope everything goes well! Stay strong, she needs you. Give her everything you can, love her in every way possible.

    I’m not religious or anything like that, but love can heal. I’ve seen it working under the worst circumstances (2% chances of survival, my cousin).
    Have a look at this if you want: http://thespiritscience.net/2014/11/20/scientific-proof-that-we-can-heal-ourselves/

    Hugs 🙂
    Eilan~

    Reply
    • 26. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:37 am

      yeah, people kept telling me to get another cat when i lost harbor.
      they are not replaceable.
      ill check out the link.
      thanks
      😦

      Reply
  • 27. nightaura  |  January 20, 2015 at 5:36 am

    😦 Good luck.

    Reply
    • 28. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:37 am

      thanks 😦

      Reply
  • 29. lee1978  |  January 20, 2015 at 6:13 am

    lt i so sorry. There is nothing I can think of to say that helps with this kind of pain. I am thinking about you.

    Reply
    • 30. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:38 am

      thanks for your comment
      😦

      Reply
  • 31. jnkmailacc  |  January 20, 2015 at 6:21 am

    I think of my old dog everyday. I swear he’s still with me. Still protecting.

    Reply
    • 32. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:38 am

      i think their spirit stays around us.
      i wish they lived as long as we do….
      😦

      Reply
  • 33. s00147954  |  January 20, 2015 at 6:24 am

    Two survivors. You’ve given her such a good life LT, who knows where she’d be without you to love her and care for her, and give her a second chance. I hope things go well when you take her back to the vet.

    Reply
    • 34. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:39 am

      thanks 😦

      Reply
  • 35. D  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:16 am

    Hugs.

    Reply
    • 36. LooneyTunes  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:40 am

      thanks 😦

      Reply
  • 37. sciencedino  |  January 20, 2015 at 10:16 am

    I’m so sorry LT. I hope the vet can help, or at least can keep her comfortable and happy. I know you sometimes feel like your life isn’t worth living, but I think the care and love you give your pets shows that you are making a difference. Animals are certainly not replaceable. But maybe you could talk to Moonlight about how her spirit would feel if you added some new friends after she’s gone? Not to take her place, but to keep holding the love you have to give.

    Reply
    • 38. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:53 pm

      its hard to imagine another Moonlight.
      she is truly magic.
      she is amazing beyond belief
      thanks for your note
      😦

      Reply
  • 39. Mary  |  January 20, 2015 at 10:28 am

    I’m so so sorry….I hope she pulls through. Hugs to you.

    Reply
    • 40. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:54 pm

      thank you for your note.
      she is a fighter, so i hope so too.
      😦

      Reply
  • 41. onemorewithus  |  January 20, 2015 at 11:04 am

    Hey girl…
    This is a tough time, and I am so sorry. By all means, keep connected with us. We want to walk with you through this, even if only through these messages. Many hugs!

    Reply
    • 42. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:55 pm

      thanks for your note.
      Moonlight is a fighter, so i hope she has some more fight in her.
      i dunno though..
      😦

      Reply
  • 43. Elise  |  January 20, 2015 at 11:25 am

    I hope things go well when you take Moonlight back to the vet. I know how awful it is when a pet is sick. My pet cat is sick too with kidney failure and she has to eat special food too that costs more than my food. The vets have saved her many times, and hope they can help Moonlight again. She looks like grumpy cat from the internet! She was a feral cat and hated other people at first, but she always loved me. I used to plan to kill myself once I knew she was going to die soon. But I realized about a month ago when my cat looks at me with huge blue eyes that she wants me to continue living, and that she wouldn’t want me to die too. She kept me alive and was the reason I stayed alive now, and now I know that she wants me to keep living.

    So, I decided that since my cat saved me, I needed to save someone too. I found an abandoned dog and have saved her now, because where I live there is no animal shelter and stray dogs get killed. So I gave her a home and saved her, and I know that she is going to save me too. And I know that my kitty is happy because she knows I have someone to take care of and another reason to stay alive.

    I think Moonlight probably thinks that about you too, and loves you so much that she wants you to stay alive. My cat told me that animal’s spirits stay around after they die and watch over us, and Moonlight will always be there for you.

    Reply
    • 44. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:58 pm

      thanks for your thoughtful comment. i am glad you found a dog to join your family. i am sorry your cat is sick. i hope she hangs on for as long as you both need each other.
      right now i dont feel like i could get any more pets. it’s just so hard.
      😦

      Reply
  • 45. Debbie Anderson  |  January 20, 2015 at 11:54 am

    So very sorry. I do how tough it is to lose an animal, they are kind of our children. A huge hug to you as you get through a tough time.

    Reply
    • 46. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:58 pm

      thanks for your note. its very hard.
      😦

      Reply
  • 47. roversat  |  January 20, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    LT- what an visual description you gave of your relationship with your kindred spirit dog. Clearly, you two have a unique attachment that has helped both of you to get through an often scary, challenging world. It is beyond heartbreaking to know she is ill and the future is unknown. But how incredible you found one another, recognized how you two have helped one another and made a ‘family’. I send you much peace and healing and am hoping for the best!

    Reply
    • 48. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:40 pm

      thanks for your note 😦

      Reply
  • 49. selphiras  |  January 20, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    ::hugs:: from someone who has pets (and has had others who died)

    Reply
    • 50. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      wish it werent true and that they lived longer than us
      😦

      Reply
  • 51. drjac52  |  January 20, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    Incredibly difficult time for you and Moonlight. I understand.

    Reply
    • 52. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      😦

      Reply
  • 53. tameria46  |  January 20, 2015 at 4:21 pm

    God pray over them.
    Keep us posted please

    Reply
  • 54. tameria46  |  January 20, 2015 at 4:25 pm

    My Aunt has a dog like yours
    He is 15 almost 16
    Good old boy,
    So sweet
    LT know your doing everything in hear heart.
    Much blessings and love

    Reply
    • 55. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:41 pm

      thanks for your thoughsts
      😦

      Reply
  • 56. Anna  |  January 20, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    Wishing you some strength. I wish I could do more.

    Empathy here.

    Reply
    • 57. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:42 pm

      thank you
      😦

      Reply
  • 58. Alex  |  January 20, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your sweet Moonlight. Having lost both of my parents in the last 18 months, I have taken in their almost 17 year old yorkie, Simon. While he is healthy for his age, I know he is old and won’t live forever. He is my last connection to my parents though, and the thought of losing him terrifies me. I take him with me whenever I can and hate to even leave him to go to work. I understand what you mean when you say you need your pup to survive. It’s how I feel too.

    Reply
    • 59. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:43 pm

      im sorry for your losses. i hope Simon stays close by.
      😦

      Reply
  • 60. becca395  |  January 20, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    So sorry LT. I will be keeping you and Moonlight in my thoughts. Take care.

    Reply
    • 61. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:43 pm

      thanks for thinking about us
      😦

      Reply
  • 62. manyofus1980  |  January 20, 2015 at 6:07 pm

    LT
    What breed of dog is moonlight?
    I hope the apt goes well. Im thinking of you and sending you and moonlight lots of love and support.
    Plus also…my nitro sends wags of his tail and licks too. Stay strong sweet LT, xoxo ❤
    Am here if you need anything ok? XX

    Reply
    • 63. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:44 pm

      she is a mixed breed, but has alot of malmute/husky in her.
      thanks for your thoughts.

      Reply
  • 64. Lala  |  January 20, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    This is unusual for me to leave a reply.
    1. I hate giving out my email address.
    2. I don’t like being committed to any internet place.

    For some reason I bookmarked your blog back in December or maybe Janvier. I don’t remember.
    I use a phone to write, which sucks cuz I have to push in each letter but at least I have a phone.
    I think I read half your blog the first time and half the second. I want a dog. A big one that you can hug.
    My son’s girlfriend has been in the mental health ward since December 9. The hospital is walking distance from where we live. (We don’t have a car.) We live on a very cool island in canada and we were both born here. Lately I’ve been praying for kids in foster care, thinking about them, wanting to help. Our daughter and her husband are adopting from foster care this year which will make me a grandmother. I think the writing you do on your blog is therapeutic for you in a good way. I feel sad for Bono, that he seriously hurt his elbow. I’m wondering if me and my husband will be allowed to become foster parents. We have to buy a van and move to a house and we have no money. I don’t work, but I do like painting and writing and I spend time with my 4 adult kids who all live on their own. (We live in a bachelor – it’s expensive here). I want to write my own blog. It does matter. Little things matter. The tiniest little things matter. Sometimes I love life. Sometimes everything seems impossible. I learn from J who has schizophrenia, and my son who also has it. I want my life to matter. I feel that by mothering children who’s mothers are not able to, I will find meaning. I feel the brokenness of these children. I am broken too. We are all broken. We all hurt. We are all fragile – this is what makes us human. When we get our grandchild(ren), we will be called Lala & Poppy. Our dog will be called Bunny. We all need hope. I want to buy children new comforters, new clothes and new bags and I want them to pick them out themselves. Alot of things suck. Alot of little things, tiny small things are marvels. Life is unpredictable. I told J that I loved her and that she is like a daughter to me. Her mom has cancer and couldn’t visit her in the hospital. Many things are sad. Many things are too big for us. Many things are hard. There are no guarantees. ♥ There is a love bigger than everything.

    Reply
    • 65. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:44 pm

      thanks for your long comment.
      you are right, the tiniest things really matter.

      Reply
  • 66. Justliving  |  January 20, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    Im sorry to hear Moonlight is not doing well. Sounds as amazing as her owner.

    Reply
    • 67. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      thanks. she is way more amazing than me or anything else.
      😦

      Reply
  • 68. anelie64  |  January 20, 2015 at 7:42 pm

    It’s so hard to lose our pets. All the dogs I have ever loved run happily through my dreams. But I still miss them a lot.

    Reply
    • 69. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:46 pm

      its horrible. they should live longer than us.
      😦

      Reply
  • 70. mommyof6  |  January 20, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    L.T there are no word I can say to better the situation. Try to see the positive side of if. You too were soulmates and support to each other in the good and the bad. You gave each other unconditional love and it will stay forever with you. You are Amazing because despite of the many bites, you never gave up on her. I know you have mention you can’t survive without her and I know that a lot of people have tell you to get another dog. You can get another dog, not to replace moonlight (because she is irreplaceable) but to give the unconditional love only you can give to another dog in need. Take care and many hugs to you and moonlight.

    Reply
    • 71. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:49 pm

      thanks for your note. honestly i dont think there could ever be another Moonlight.
      she is magic.

      Reply
  • 72. ritalee8383  |  January 20, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    I’m so sorry LT. Moonlight is your family. I’m sad because you are hurting.

    Reply
    • 73. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:49 pm

      thank you.
      😦

      Reply
  • 74. butterflysblog  |  January 21, 2015 at 12:38 am

    Sweet LT, my poor sweetheart. I am so sorry to hear this. Poor sweet Moonlight – you and her have been through so much together. I am worried about both of you. (((((Hugs)))))). Love, Butterfly

    Reply
    • 75. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:49 pm

      i am worried too. its not good. 😦
      thank you for writing butterfly.

      Reply
      • 76. butterflysblog  |  January 21, 2015 at 10:55 pm

        (((((Hugs))))) Love, Butterfly

        Reply
  • 77. Tara dSL  |  January 21, 2015 at 11:31 am

    So sorry to hear about Moonlight’s health issues. I hope you get to have some more quality time with her. Dogs are such wonderful friends. Remember that your blog community is here for you, no matter what happens.

    Reply
    • 78. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      thanks for your note. its not good right now 😦
      im trying to hang in there.
      thanks.

      Reply
  • 79. sageplant  |  January 21, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    Hey, you and Moonlight on my mind..have a good day…

    Reply
    • 80. LooneyTunes  |  January 21, 2015 at 2:52 pm

      thanks for thinking about her and me. but her mostly.
      maybe if everyone in the world sends good thoughts, Moonlight will be ok.
      like the healing power of positive energy….
      😦

      Reply
  • 81. westande  |  January 21, 2015 at 9:11 pm

    I am an absolute dog lover and very involved in dog rescue. I have lost dogs that I have dearly loved. One of the things that I absolutely hate about them is that they do not live long enough. Losing one of them is horrifically painful and I still cry and am crying now when I write. But they give us such unconditional love that I have from no human. Believe me I know how painful it is to lose a companion like that. All I can say is that it just sucks. No two ways about it. But that is just the way dogs are. They come into our lives and give us all their love and depart leaving us empty. Time does heal. And, I have found comfort in then providing a discarded rescue dog a home with me. The cycle goes on. I have come to realize that I am blessed to know them for the time I have them. My thoughts are with you. Know that Moonlight loves your and always did (even if she did bite you!). I have to say it is the more annoying habits that they have that I miss the most. Sending you my love.

    Reply
    • 82. LooneyTunes  |  January 23, 2015 at 8:48 pm

      thank you for your comment.
      it does suck that they are not around as much as us.
      😦

      Reply
  • 83. MontanaMum  |  January 21, 2015 at 11:10 pm

    I am so sorry. It is so awful and hard. I have no words. Just wanted you to know I was still here, listening, caring. Always.

    Reply
  • 84. truegritton  |  January 22, 2015 at 10:57 pm

    Praying for Moonlight and for you

    Reply
    • 85. LooneyTunes  |  January 23, 2015 at 8:44 pm

      thank you

      Reply
  • 86. raisingagodlyboy  |  January 23, 2015 at 7:01 am

    I’m praying for your sweet loyal friend and for you LT that the Lord gives you strength to handle whatever happens. You have a wonderful gift to teach and share your life experiences LT. God takes all things and uses them for good for those who love him.

    Reply
    • 87. LooneyTunes  |  January 23, 2015 at 8:44 pm

      thank you

      Reply

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