i want to go with her

January 23, 2015 at 8:43 pm 62 comments


it’s over.

there is nothing anyone can do.

the blood work and her autoimmune condition = cancer

she is starving to death


i tried cooking a steak, a real expensive one and she didnt touch it.

i tried vanilla ice cream, a great brand… but no interest

i tried plain chicken and pringles chicken and cheese chicken and all kinds of chicken… not a taste

i tried eggs and bacon and toast and ….bbq …. and pizza … and healthy food like fish….

i tried everything… but she won’t eat.


i feel so helpless and on monday, i am going to be so alone.

i want to go with her.



Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Moonlight dear Dr. Val

62 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Nathan  |  January 23, 2015 at 8:47 pm

    Hang in there, LT… 😦

  • 2. lifemultiplied  |  January 23, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    I’m so sorry, LT. I wish you much peace. No one will ever be able to replace her. I hope you’ll be able to eventually smile thinking of what a difference you have made in each others lives.

  • 3. westwind15  |  January 23, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    LT, I understand how badly it hurts. I really, truly do. My pets have always been like fur-babies to me. I really do get it! Please do not go with her! Please bear in mind, you have so much love to give, and there literally thousands, of lost and homeless animals who are **desperate** for a home and someone to love them, so they don’t feel all alone in the world. It will take you some time to get over the loss, I know, and she will always be with you, whether in this world or the next one. But I beg you, please do not leave this world! You have done so much good, and you can still do so much more!

  • 4. Those Interrupted  |  January 23, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    I’m so sorry, LT. It’s so hard when pets get old and sick. I think that you’ve given Moonlight an amazing life, though, and she’s probably incredibly grateful to have had you.
    I really hope that you can be surrounded by support on Monday to give you some comfort.

  • 5. saranordmann  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    Oh, LT, I am so sorry. I have a 13-yr-old dog and I think every day about what life would be like without him. If you want to talk and you live in the NYC area, I would be happy to meet up with you. Really. It would be my pleasure.

  • 6. bairnangeloopz  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:08 pm

    LT, I am so very very sorry it is Moonlight’s time to move on. I really hope you find another reason to stay. Your writing has helped me so much to process the past and I am grateful to you. I wish I could make Moonlight healthy to live forever with you and to continue giving you the love and support you need.

  • 7. saranordmann  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:09 pm

    I thought I just left a comment but it isn’t showing up.

    I am so sorry, LT, and I imagine your grief will be significant. If you live in the NYC area and need to talk, email me. (I think my email is visible on the admin side of the blog?) Seriously.

  • 8. nightaura  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    I am so sorry. It is so hard for anyone, but I can only imagine how much harder it is for you.

  • 9. mojosmom  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:18 pm

    I know saying good bye to her feels like someone is ripping out your heart. I, like many other people who read your blog, get it. Please take comfort in the fact that you gave her an amazing life. You said she bit. That would have been a deal breaker for most people. But you gave her unconditional love. She will leave this world having been loved by you which is an amazing gift. You need to stick around so you can change the lives of more animals.

  • 10. meaghanj305  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:22 pm

    I’m so sorry LT. Do you have someone that can be with you on Monday? Our pets are so precious, the kind of life companion that never lives long enough. I’ll be thinking of you and wishing you peace.

  • 11. jnkmailacc  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:29 pm

    You’ll be with her soon enough, we need you here still. She will be your angel.

  • 12. skylarsmom2013  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:30 pm

    I am so very sorry LT. There are not adequate words to comfort such a profound loss. Our animals are 100% unconditional love, to lose that bond in physical form is devastating. I am just so sorry you are having to go through this. I believe she will always live in your heart. I hope you have someone to physically be there with you as you are going through all of this. Take care. ❤ ❤ ❤

  • 13. cojlisa16  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:51 pm

    I’m so sorry LT. Moonlight knows she is loved and she has loved you in return. Helping her go gently is such a gift you are giving to her, even though it hurts to your core. You are a good and loyal friend.

  • 14. sageplant  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:54 pm

    We knew that this time was coming and no one wants this to happen to any of our pets. It’s moonlights time to go, but it’s not your time to go, that’s my gut feeling anyway. I do feel for you though as this is especially hard and above average loss of a pet.if it’s not too weird, save a bit of her fur. I’ll be thinking of you and moonlight on Monday. When I put my 18 yr old great cat down, it was hard! I cried a bunch.

  • 15. s00147954  |  January 23, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    LT I’m so so sorry 😦 i wish we could do more for you. Please be kind to yourself, none of this is your fault 😦

    At the end of the day, you gave her the greatest gift of all – to be loved.

  • 16. jennifer t  |  January 23, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    I’m so sorry.

  • 17. Michelle  |  January 23, 2015 at 10:12 pm

    Im so so deeply sorry you have to go through this. It is the absolute worst. You are the best mommy a doggie could have and you are not alone.

  • 18. Foster Mom in Training  |  January 23, 2015 at 10:13 pm

    I am so sorry, LT. Moonlight is so lucky you chose to adopt her. You have given her a wonderful life. Stay strong, LT. You are one of the strongest women I know. (((Hugs)))

  • 19. momma2abby  |  January 23, 2015 at 10:40 pm

    LT, I’m so sorry this is happening. I suppose it happens to everyone someday but that doesn’t make it much better. I am glad that you will be here though. I really am.

  • 20. onemorewithus  |  January 23, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    … Oh, LT….
    I too wish I was there with you.
    I am soooo sorry 😦
    Please, friend, please, come back here. Stay here, with us. Let us keep you company through this. If you need a break, I understand, but come back soon.
    Sending you love and hugs.

  • 21. bluejuliej  |  January 23, 2015 at 11:46 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear that LT. Moonlight’s such a wonderful dog and deserves to be pain free and at peace.

    You were such a terrific mom to both Shadow and Moonlight… you will never replace them, but there are lots of other homeless animals, in whose lives you could make a similar (and similarly AMAZING difference!!).

  • 22. jpirog2013  |  January 23, 2015 at 11:54 pm

    LT, I’m really sorry to hear this. It’s good she had you, and you had her.

  • 23. Sheila  |  January 24, 2015 at 12:00 am

    You’re a good mommy. Praying for you.

  • 24. tomorrowsmemories  |  January 24, 2015 at 12:25 am

    Hang in there LT. This is probably going to be the hardest thing you’ve ever been through…and you have been through A LOT in your young life. She gives you unconditional love. You have taken such wonderful care of her! When my dog passed away, we had him cremated. I still have his ashes in the container, in my closet and an album with pictures of him. Our pets are the very essence of pure love. You are such a wonderful, loyal friend to her. This is painful, hard stuff. Praying for you to be strong like she wants you to be!

  • 25. Tanya  |  January 24, 2015 at 12:54 am

    Big sigh, I’m so sorry. May you find some solace in the good times you have had with your precious Moonlight.

  • 26. Tara dSL  |  January 24, 2015 at 1:01 am

    LT, I know your heart is breaking and I wish there was something I could do for you. Love Moonlight with all your might for the rest of the time you have together. It is going to be a terrible loss for you, but you are doing the right thing for her, just as you always have the whole time you have been together. My thoughts go out to you.

  • 27. Mimi  |  January 24, 2015 at 1:35 am

    So very sorry for what you’re going through. I’m praying that God will sustain you & fill you with peace that surpasses understanding!

  • 28. Kelly Weaver  |  January 24, 2015 at 1:50 am

    LT, I am so sorry about your beautiful dog. I have read your blog for some time and have never commented until now. You have undoubtedly been the only love Moonlight has known. Without you there is no telling what awful things would have happened. The best you can do now is just be there. Maybe she won’t eat but she does know you love her. Thats all she needs from you right now. It’s just her time. She’s in pain and needs you to comfort her and continue to love her like nobody else can (or did). You’ve done what you can (and what alot of people wouldn’t) for her. Maybe this means that there is another animal or person who needs you more now. Maybe that is your purpose…Be sad, grieve, scream, and cry…but dont ever give up, LT! You are such an inspiration to everyone who has found your blog! Stay strong!

  • 29. Solitaire Paradox  |  January 24, 2015 at 2:00 am

    I feel you, it’s hard, but hang in there please

  • 30. butterflysblog  |  January 24, 2015 at 2:56 am

    Sweet LT – it is terrible horribly painful to lose those we love, all the much more so for you, because you’ve lost so much. I love you and it would be horrible to lose you too. Please, sweetie, please stick around. In my experience losing furry family members, they always seem to send a new one around to adopt you again. Seriously, every time I have lost a pet, a new one seems to come and adopt me at exactly the time when I am feeling ready to open my heart again after grieving the loss. We all love you, and we are grieving with you sweetie. Love, Butterfly

  • 31. ghostinthetherapysession  |  January 24, 2015 at 3:29 am

    Im so sorry 😥

  • 32. Danielle  |  January 24, 2015 at 4:15 am

    I understand losing a pet, but I know I can’t understand this. It’s much, much worse isn’t it? She wouldn’t want you to go with her though. That’s why she would follow you into the closet. I’m thinking of you xo

  • 33. mv49496  |  January 24, 2015 at 6:34 am

    So Sorry to hear! You are the best mommy to her. Thinking of and praying for you in this difficult time. This world still needs you. Reach out to Dr Val if you need extra support.

    Date: Sat, 24 Jan 2015 01:43:27 +0000
    To: mv_49496@hotmail.com

  • 34. Colleen  |  January 24, 2015 at 7:46 am

    Oh LT, I am so so sorry…I can only imagine your pain, and my heart is broken for you…my love, Louie, a beautiful furry tuxedo cat, also struggled like your Midnight and I had to make the hardest choice of my life…know that you gave Midnight your very best…and despite what you think, you have so much to offer this world, please remember that…sending you peace ❤

  • 35. manyofus1980  |  January 24, 2015 at 8:32 am

    Oh sweet LT…this is heartbreaking. I’m very sorry. I wish you had longer with her. I love my dog, so I know how much your grieving. If anything happens over the weekend, please let us know. Your in my thoughts LT. Stay strong sweetie. XX

  • 36. Elizabeth  |  January 24, 2015 at 9:08 am

    Thank you for giving her a good life and loving her . All God’s creatures should have that. Allow yourself time to cry and cry some more . Hugs

  • 37. Rebecca  |  January 24, 2015 at 10:08 am

    Two weeks ago, I also had to say goodbye to my dog. She’d been with me for more than 15yrs. I still miss her everyday….(I’m crying as I type this) I never realized how hard it would be when she was gone. All my thoughts and sympathies are with you LT. You will always carry a piece of Moonlight in your heart, and she will always have a piece of you with her too!

  • 38. becca395  |  January 24, 2015 at 11:47 am

    I’m sorry LT. Losing a beloved pet is so hard and unfair. You have given her a great life, and so many things she wouldn’t have had without you. I know you will carry her with you in your heart forever. Love and hugs to you and Moonlight.

  • 39. Debbie  |  January 24, 2015 at 12:01 pm

    I know how hard it is to lose a pet to cancer. I don’t know what it would be like going through it all alone. My heart goes out to you Lt. Praying for your heart to heal from this and all you have been through . Huge hug for you.

  • 40. allymanole  |  January 24, 2015 at 12:35 pm

    LT. Sending you hugs.
    Nothing I can write will make it better.
    Try and get as much support as possible. Dr Val. Your friend. Her family. Your other Dr. Your boss.
    Accept help.
    Take good care of yourself during this heartbreaking time, Moonlight wouldn’t want it any other way.
    xxXxx ally

  • 41. smulligan69  |  January 24, 2015 at 12:40 pm

    But LT, what about the other dogs waiting in the shelters for an understanding human to come along? One will need you……

  • 42. Emma Demirgil  |  January 24, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Im crying myself, nothing i write will take away the grief you must feel, love to you.

    • 44. LooneyTunes  |  January 24, 2015 at 3:24 pm

      we have done a shortened version of this, as best we could, because she doesnt eat and doesnt want to move much.

  • 45. Anna  |  January 24, 2015 at 2:13 pm

    I’m glad you came back to update us, I’ve been thinking about you.

    Monday will suck- but you’ll be ok.

  • 46. ritalee8383  |  January 24, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    I’m so sorry for your heartache LT.

    The best thing that you can do now is to make Moonlights passing as loving and peaceful as possible. I know it will be hard for you to pull it off but I have to believe that you will be happy afterwards that you were able to do so.

    I use to be an Oncology Nurse and was at many a deathbed. The happiest death that I have ever witnessed was an elderly man that had been a music teacher for over 50 years. His life was numbered down to days and his family was always at his bedside. They always had his favorite music playing in the background. Anytime he woke up they would surround him and all start stroking him. Telling him how much they loved him with huge smiles on their faces. The expression on this man’s face every time he awoke to this was something I will never forget. He was literally beaming with jaunty eyes and the happiest smile that I’ve ever seen. It was the most beautiful death that I have ever witnessed.

    Perhaps you can create a happy and peaceful atmosphere for Moonlight. Make her as comfortable as you possibly can with pillows and blankets. She’s not going to want to eat but a dying being does appreciate having their lips and tongue moistened with water. Put on some of your favorite music (not anything sad). Lay with her and stroke and massage her. Talk to her about all of your times together. Laugh at some of the memories. I know it will be extremely hard for you to pull this off but I think at the end of the day that you will be glad that you did this for someone so dear to you. I don’t know if you ever saw the video of the man and what he use to do for his dog that was nearing the end of his life but it was truly a testament to his deep love and affection for his baby:

    I’m so sorry for your heartache LT. I truly am.

    • 47. LooneyTunes  |  January 24, 2015 at 3:16 pm

      thank you for this.

  • 48. Katie K  |  January 24, 2015 at 5:18 pm

    I know this is only vaguely related, but my grandfather died from bladder cancer this last October. He was my protector, cheerleader, role model, adviser, business consultant, and best friend. After he died, I remembered two quotes from the Winnie-the-Pooh books he used to read me when I was a little girl. I am going to share them both here with you, because I am sure Moonlight feels the same way:

    “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.”

    “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

    Much peace, dear.

  • 49. weepet69  |  January 24, 2015 at 5:43 pm

    I am so very sorry to hear the sad news about Moonlight’s declining health,it is obvious how much you mean to each other.I really hope you manage to dig deep within for the strength which is in you,to get through the difficult days ahead.You have given Moonlight and your other pet family so much and you helped so many people with your blog,I and many others are rooting for you xx

  • 50. weepet69  |  January 24, 2015 at 5:46 pm

    I am so very sorry to hear the sad news about Moonlight’s declining health,it is obvious how much you mean to each other.I really hope you manage to dig deep within for the strength which is in you,to get through the difficult days ahead.You have given Moonlight and your other pet family so much and you have helped and continue to help so many people with your blog,I and many others are rooting for you to get through this xx

  • 51. drjac52  |  January 24, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    Everyday I miss them – two passed tragically and suddenly with no time for comfort and far too soon, one passed peacefully in sleep and one, the one who more than the others was my soulmate, she took her last breath in my arms as I sat with her on the floor of the vet’s exam room while the injection took effect. The most difficult decision of my life. All these years later I remember the look in her eyes, and I may be rationalizing but her message was clear, “thank you”. I promised myself that I would never get that close again. But I did. The first two years later,though she is one of those I lost tragically after only five years together I am thankful for her. She & I were supposed to grow old together. Tears still pour down but they are worth every moment we had.
    Today two cats, Smokey and Jake (both twelve) and two dogs, Max and Matty – each with their own unique spirits – are in my life. Not as ‘replacements’ as that is impossible but the mutual pure unconditional love of an animal, I for one want to have.
    I will think of you and Moonlight on Monday.

  • 52. ritasoronen  |  January 24, 2015 at 7:39 pm

    I am so sorry. Please know that I am thinking of you in this very sad time.

  • 53. D  |  January 24, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know the day will come with my dog but I can’t bear to think about it. I only recently started reading your blog, but I hope you will stay here. I believe you have a purpose and a reason to be here and so much left to accomplish and many lives, two-legged and four-legged, to impact. Thinking of you

  • 54. MontanaMum  |  January 25, 2015 at 12:08 am

    I am so sorry…

  • 55. Eve and Ella  |  January 25, 2015 at 5:43 am

    Not long ago I wrote a blog entry about the death of our two cats Romulus and Remus. http://livingworldsedge.blogspot.co.uk

    I have found that focussing on the joy they gave us over the years rather than the sadness of their departure was the way to go.

  • 56. Homaira  |  January 25, 2015 at 2:11 pm

    The sun will come out
    But you gotta hang on ’til tomorrow…

    Please hang in there, LT. We need you.

  • 57. Tara dSL  |  January 25, 2015 at 10:20 pm

    Hi LT, I just wanted to check in on you again and let you know that I was thinking of you. You have touched a lot of people’s lives, and you have made and are continuing to make a positive impact on the world. I will hold you in my heart through tonight and tomorrow and the coming days.

  • 58. angelamarshall2013  |  January 26, 2015 at 8:34 am

    I too echo Homaira’s post – hang in there… We need you and your voice.
    Take care.

  • 59. mommyof6  |  January 26, 2015 at 1:47 pm

    Oh LT I am so sorry…:(

  • 60. selphiras  |  January 26, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    Wish I could be there for you. ::hugs::

  • 61. Another Time  |  January 27, 2015 at 1:13 am

    I’m so sorry, LT. I wish words could fix it all 😦

  • 62. justagerl  |  January 27, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    You need to hold on LT. She’d want you. We ALL want you to. Huge hugs you and I am truly sorry about Moonlight.


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