May 15, 2015 at 10:40 pm 37 comments

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fake orange cheese and random thoughts being dumped and dumping

37 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Foster Mom in Training  |  May 15, 2015 at 10:54 pm

    (((Hugs))). They love you and are watching over you. Take good care of Shadow.

  • 2. Broken  |  May 15, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    LT – Hugs…talk to somebody if you’re having a bad night. Grief comes and goes in waves. You have many listening ears, Kiddo…

  • 3. momma2abby  |  May 15, 2015 at 11:19 pm


  • 4. sageplant  |  May 15, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    So, are you outside? In the photo? Away from ones you love?
    You have made a connection , how ever distant, but there are some kind and caring sould that do care. Its kind of bizarre to not be able to “meet” in person, but, its ok. Inever know if you just think the answers here are just silly or something. But, hey…from one person to you…i care

  • 5. pageflipme  |  May 16, 2015 at 12:34 am

    Responding 😉

    Sent from my iPhone 😛


  • 6. claudine  |  May 16, 2015 at 1:35 am

    LT, I’m glad to see you posting again but am sorry you’re feeling such pain. The love you and Moonlight created can never die; if it feels right to you, you can let it feed you now and carry you through this hard time.

  • 7. ritalee8383  |  May 16, 2015 at 1:52 am

    I don’t know what to say other than I care about you and I am sad that you are grieving. Are these the actual pictures of your babies? It would be nice to see a picture of them.

  • 8. Alison  |  May 16, 2015 at 3:39 am

    LT, I’m a foster carer from many miles away, over the pond. A fairly recent follower of your blog. Your words have changed the way I relate to my foster kids on a daily basis which means that I carry you with me, I think of you often, you have made an impact on me and subsequently on every child that comes through my door.
    Moonlight didn’t abandon you. I’m sure, given a choice, he would’ve stayed by your side forever. Your blog followers haven’t abandoned you. I’m sure there are many like me whose hearts lightened when the email dropped into their inbox to say you were writing again. Just because you’re out of sight does not mean you’re out of mind.
    Keep on writing, you are making a difference and we’re all listening! Xxx

  • 9. Linka  |  May 16, 2015 at 6:48 am


  • 10. yoyoyoli  |  May 16, 2015 at 7:18 am

    Well said Alison yes same here glad to see your post coming in, really hope you realize how many lives you are touching and can touch in the future, have you ever thought of writing a book? Even a book with your postings and share them with foster agencies through-out the world. I also think judges should be on your follower-list. They make such big decisions in foster children’s lives and I don’t always feel that they really think about the big picture the children’s forever lives are touched and changed by their decisions and not always in the their best interest. Sending positive thoughts and yes me too hope you open your home and heart and let another dog in to your life there are lots of doggies out there and I would love to see at least 1 rescued by you! (When you are ready this takes time ok?) sending big hugs !!

  • 11. onemorewithus  |  May 16, 2015 at 8:22 am

    It must have been a tough night. Hugs your way ❤️

  • 12. skylarsmom2013  |  May 16, 2015 at 9:24 am

    Sending you lots of healing light and love. ❤ I am so sorry you are not feeling well. Do you write in a journal? Maybe some things you need to write about for yourself. I know this helps me. Sometimes it just absolutely sucks to feel so alone. You are strong, and brave. You will get through those feelings. I wish you had been adopted and had a family. I am sorry you are feeling sad. Take care. When you are ready, maybe put some words to what the pictures mean to you right now. A problem shared, is a problem divided. I hope your day is better. 🙂

  • 13. Beth  |  May 16, 2015 at 9:36 am

    This is sad. I hope you feel better LT.

  • 14. Stephanie  |  May 16, 2015 at 12:08 pm

    I’m glad you are here and fighting for yourself, despite the hurt. Many hugs, beautiful lady.

  • 15. coccomuffin  |  May 16, 2015 at 2:19 pm

    LT (((♡)))

  • 16. Liza  |  May 16, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    Thank you for sharing this, LT. Sending you love.

  • 17. s00147954  |  May 16, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    You’ve had so many setbacks LT. I hope things change soon and some good things happen to you for a change! Keep on trucking.

  • 18. nancy  |  May 16, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    I am so sorry you are hurting and I wish more than anything that there could be a blanket out there you could wrap yourself in for love and feel, really feel your babies touching you, laying on you and filling you with their love. I admire your strength.

  • 19. Louise  |  May 16, 2015 at 10:50 pm

    I am sorry you lost your dog. It is a really hard thing to get through. It does get easier. ((LT))

  • 20. Tara dSL  |  May 17, 2015 at 1:54 am

    Thinking of you and sending love. Very sorry you are suffering so greatly,

  • 21. Scoopy  |  May 17, 2015 at 11:36 am

    I am glad to see your post. I have been thinking about you. Praying for you and I am happy you are still alive, still trying. You have so much to give. Sending you, I hope, some comfort, peace and love this week. You can do it.

  • 22. mv49496  |  May 17, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    hugs. perhaps you can love on some animals who need it at an animal shelter today?

    Date: Sat, 16 May 2015 02:40:50 +0000

    • 23. Tara  |  May 17, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      Good suggestion!

  • 24. krista1066  |  May 17, 2015 at 8:38 pm

    You gave Harbor and Moonlight the best possible lives, the sort of life full of love that you should have had. I’m so sorry that you had to say goodbye too soon. It’s okay to grieve, and it is okay to keep loving them even after they are gone. Take the time you need, LT, and your blog crew will be here for you.

  • 25. Bronwyn  |  May 18, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    OMG, I am so so so glad to see you posting. I know you’ve had a shit time. Your furry friends are watching over you, though.

  • 26. mommyof6  |  May 19, 2015 at 11:03 pm

    Don’t forget that you are AMAZING!

  • 27. hannahlmitchell  |  May 21, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    I am really enjoying your posts and it would be really great if you did a guest post on my new blog. I was a former foster kid and I’m writing about my experiences. Please let me know if you’re interested

  • 28. Sue  |  May 22, 2015 at 7:54 am

    Hi LT. Hope you are hanging in there. Just thinking about you.

  • 29. manyofus1980  |  May 25, 2015 at 12:23 am

    LT, you are on my mind tonight. Am hoping your ok, and safe. Pat shadow for me ok? If he allows it that is…hopefully you had a good weekend and got out and maybe you went to the park, rode a bike, ate reeces cups, cheetos, or something else nice and sweeet! xoxo your awesome!

  • 30. ritalee8383  |  May 25, 2015 at 2:06 am

    Thinking of you always LT. I just wanted you to know that.

  • 31. Maggie  |  May 28, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    Help all kids by asking our elected officials to Step Up and Fix This!

  • 32. helen hewett  |  May 31, 2015 at 2:21 am

    LT how are you going kiddo? I met a young lady some time back who had been through 108 foster homes as you can imagine she was worn out emotionally and messed up.mentally. As you said this is crazy. Surely people realise when they take foster children in they are going to have some issues. Are they looking to provide a home for troubled children or are they looking for a perfect addition to their family, you have to wonder don’t you. Im sure the system as well as the families have a part to play. I have heard children move on from a home when they become a certain age because they prefer only babies or toddlers. If this is the case they need to call it something other then foster FAMILY this is bullshit! Regular families don’t move their children on when they reach a certain age.Growing up in a family is about building upon firm foundations and as you grow you keep building. You learn how to eat, then you learn how to prepare the food, then you help out to cook, then you cook the meal yourself. You go shopping and learn about how that works and what to buy and a budget and buying the food you need for the meals that week. Then you go to the store on your own and do the shopping yourself all building to the day you have your own family to look after.You obviously also learn how to look after a home and clean. The same with driving, you watch and learn and listen and observe and then you start driving lessons and get your licence and help and support with your first car.
    Yesterday I observed a toddler in her pram with her mum 18 months old she knew the routine. Sitting there in her pram with her feet up on the front of the pram like she owned the world. She had a familiar routine with feeding, sleeping, nappy changes, clothes she was comfortable in her skin and relaxed and content.At 18 mths she was a veteran of all the various child care routines. But to remove this girl and then set her up in a new home ,new routines, new family, new food and way of preparing it, new toys new pets , new house and room and bed and even probably a new – probably not brand new pram its like she has to start all over again.And then if this keeps happening through her primary school and high school years how is she possibly going to have the same esteem and worth and confidence of a teenage girl who has been with the same family throughout foster or otherwise.
    A child prior to foster care is already reeling from the rejection or abandonment of their natural parents so to keep getting it through the foster care system is just reprehensible.The foster care system largely replaces the orphanage system. But at least through the latter they grew up in one place with consistent carers and regarded the other children as their family and had stability. One would think a smaller family environment is better but not when it is worse remembering some people have had terrible experiences in the large institution type places.
    I’m not able to foster for my husband has a criminal record(unrelated to children) but I don’t think I would be allowed to for even though I know the children are not my own I would treat them as my own. This would mean I would want to take them to appointments not a separate driver, I would want to support them in their relationship with their parents and other siblings not a separate case worker, I would want to listen to them as they pour their heart out rather then a paid counsellor. I would also want them to have similar oppportunities as their peers at school with regard to hobbies, excursions, trips, camps and after school activities without having to be approved by the local child welfare office. I would like them to write and contact parents if they wanted and do my best to support them through that minefield if their parents have drug, alcohol and mental issues. I would support them in having contact with other siblings, cousins , grandparents, aunties and uncles so they knew they were not on their own but a part of a large extended family. I would do whatever was required to make sure they were educated and able to graduate and go to college if they wish and get their licence and their first car and their first job. From the moment they were in my care I would ensure money was set aside to enable these opportunities became reality and not just a list of recommendations on somebodys desk And off course the grand finale they would be welcome to stay on past 18 and beyond and when they were ready to move into their own place they would be supported with furniture, utensils, linen etc like my parents supported me You may say they may never leave well if I done my job right there should be no problem with them moving on with theirs.Besides before they left I would hope they had already experienced an overseas trip or two on their own or with family to reassure them there is a mighty exciting place out there for them to explore.
    Is this a reality or will these only ever be board-room recommedations.? I believe it is possible to bring children through the foster care system ready to take their place in the world and look after their own future families with all the skills and wisdom that caring foster parents have imparted to them What do you reckon LT?..

    • 33. Ty Gn  |  June 2, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      Your so right about the children, 1 thing everyone forgets is a price on a foster child head, like here in California each foster parent keeps the child 18 months in that time they are paid $1200.00 each child each homes, less than 1/2 those children stay with the same family over 18 months.
      Like the lady who got pregnant by my son. Who was a foster child over 1/2 her life. Her first 18 months she was with 1 family then moved to another home, not a good place ( as she told me ) they had a older biological son who was rapping her at age less than 2 yrs old. 18 months later she was moved again with a house of 10 children. She was 1 of 5 children under the age of 5 , she told me they did not get to much food and the refrigerator and food pantry had a paddle lock on it. The foster parents told all the children they did not get a lot of money for food, but those foster parents had money for drugs. 18 months later she was moved back to the first family house. She remember them. But something said to her she was going to be taken from that house also.
      That family was loving and yes it was all about the money. Because she told me the number of foster kids they had at that one house the number of yrs later.
      They had food . But all the children had to work the avocado orchard farm.
      And that family was still making $1200.00 for each child total of 10 children . Add that up. They was about to Buy a 30 unit apartment building and out Los Angeles. But when those 18 months was up the foster care case worker came to move her again. She wanted to stay.
      Because that family never did those adoption papers she had to leave.
      So with in those next 18 months they did all the paper work. Not letting foster care know the wife had cancer.
      18 months later she came back + 1 other child a older boy. Older than the biological son. After all that adoption went through on those two foster kids. And that foster/adopted mother past 12 months later.
      She got into drugs support bad and the foster/adopted father sent her to Canada to a drug program for two years. She came back and got into drugs again and that poor man then sent her to the state of main drug program.
      She really never cleaned up got pregnant with her first child at age 19, was still on drugs but said to the foster/adopted dad she was going to give that child up for adoption. Same time doing drugs.
      She had the little boy who went to live with the bio son of the adopted dad until he was 7 or 8 yrs old.
      So sad.
      Then she got pregnant by my son.
      And never learn to not lie. From day 1 I caught her in so many lies it was sick. My grandson was raised by me and went to a Christian school. And he was told by her and my drug son to tell lies because my son did not want to pay back child support.
      Now I do not see my grandson with a court ordered visitation.
      I have heard her 5 different times tell her son and my grandson she was going to lock up The refrigerator and food pantry because they didn’t have money to feed them both and she would forget that I was on the phone.
      So my grandson is living a life as a foster care child until he us 18 just 3 more yrs before he’ll be over those two lures.
      I pray for the kids.
      Because I know what a pain it was to have my grandson handed to me as he was a baby.
      Court records and videos and pictures do not lie.
      They can lie and say what ever.
      I ask the judge to sell a certain portion of those probate papers and tell my grandson is over the age of 18 and then I would get them for him photos of child abuse neglect diaper rash filthy bottles when he would come between his dad and his real mom shaved head, even infantile ago.
      I started a Organization to help grandparents to deal with what we deal with as a grandparent with children in foster care or the police sanding the child to us as not a foster parent, the fight of probate. And knowing we having others with us.
      I started this 15+ yrs ago.
      I’ll never change.
      I have left message for LT and have learned a lot for those wonderful person who has opened my eyes to foster care.
      God I pray each night before I go to sleep for the lord to send a angel to each child.
      To let them know a grandma Tammy like myself is out there fighting to change this way then are. Stop moving the children, make life a Little easier for grandparents are foster parents to adopt the children with all the crazy stuff that’s out their grandparents pay for it out-of-pocket and probate foster parents get it paid for through the government,
      Let s change this to because me the same law for both.
      God knows I have helped a number of children who have aged out at 18. Nothing but maybe a small backpack of clothing and a ID and MAYBE A Social security card if they are lucky. No skills on where to go what to do and shoved into another group home for children that have aged out of foster care where they again have been taken advantage of I have a house just like that that’s at the end of Pacific and Brookhurst that’s a house just like that Groupon does all of us neighbors keep a strong eye on this lady Mary who is Running this group home. Hell yes.
      4 house have video cameras pointed at the house this lady Mary first time I met her no speak English.
      2 weeks later she was talking English – but 2 weeks before when 1 of the girls was in a car accident Mary told the highway patrol and the police she did not speak English and the fire department.
      I recorded her speaking to me in English . Bushed.
      4 girls told me she takes them to get cash aid and medical and food stamps. The day the card of food stamps and cash aid come she makes them sign it over to her.
      I helped the 4 girls report her the the government and the police .
      Found a better place where all 4 girl are in collage getting good grades and the apartment owner Bill is letting all the girls share the place together.
      Bill would never hurt those girls but is willing to help.
      They got 4 twin beds. Living room and dining room furniture and a refrigerator dishes kitchen silverware and a total kitchen set up for free.
      They’ll be able to live they as long as they wish with no rent raise.
      I am so happy I was able to help those 4 girls.
      All for the girls see a counselor to at the college.
      God bless them all.

  • 34. coccomuffin  |  May 31, 2015 at 10:28 am

    LT what happened to the other post? Are you all right? I wanted to leave you a few words, but they seemed so useless, so unhelpful… Hope you’re taking care of yourself (((♡)))

  • 35. songsforsilences  |  May 31, 2015 at 8:48 pm

    Hey LT, thinking of you and hoping you are being kind to yourself.

  • 36. ritalee8383  |  June 2, 2015 at 12:01 am

    I thought of you when I read this today LT.

    “She made broken look beautiful and strong look invincible. She walked with the universe on her shoulders and made it look like a pair of wings.”
    ~ Ariana

  • 37. Ty Gn  |  June 2, 2015 at 7:46 pm

    Dearest LT
    I work with a couple of companies who help grandparents raising grandchild.

    I wanted to know if I can send you a privet message in regards to one of those companies that is doing a study of children in foster care.
    Can you please send me a privet email so I can share more about this company.
    Not here on a open blog please?
    Here is my email

    Please send me a privet message at how you feel about this please.
    Everything here is privet. And is about your life as and a continuing affects of foster care.
    God bless you LT
    Grandma Tammy


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