Archive for August 4, 2018

Tissues, tiredness and temping treats … my dam emotions make me eat

 

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Oh man.  Today I am exhausted. I have off, but I have to do laundry but I am so tired I cant get myself to do it.  My back and legs are killing me. When I worked at the deli/restaurant, it definitely was not as draining as this. Or maybe I was so depressed that I did not do much.. like I said, I was probably the worst employee my ex-boss ever had.

I gained 10 pounds showtogainweightfastforwomenince moving here… I attribute it to walking Tide less because of the new job, eating too many sweets, and missing Dr. Val. It’s not noticeable but I feel it… you know what I mean?  You would think I would lose weight working so much, but LOL, my body works opposite of most people.

Maybe since I am getting older, my metabolism is changing… As Dr. Val would say “practice moderation” but do you have any clue how hard it is to practice moderation when there are so many incredible treats surrounding me?  Even breads, which don’t really fall into the sweet category, but taste amazing.

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If I had to give up sweets, or ever got tired of them, I would kill myself, because they are great comfort food and don’t hold a dime up to fruit or other foods which are not comforting.  Yes, I know I have eating problems… this I attribute to never really eating normal growing up..

 

refrigeratorNot having any food when living with my bioparents, having food challenges with foster parents, and not having a lot of food when I lived on the street, leads to a fucked up adult relationship with food. I wish someone had dealt with this issue when I was younger, because now it might not be so bad.  But therapy was not much in my world as a foster kid.  I remember a couple of times, but not like a standing thing.  No-one gave a shit then.

I have literally been binging every night.  Cheetos, candy, sweets, etc are pretty much what is in my kitchen.  I found this new candy mix called Reese’s Popped Snack Mix… have you had it?  It is amazing!  Combines Reese little peanut butter cups with candy nuts, pretzels, and popcorn.  Remember that time I overdosed on Reese peanut butter cups, I could easily OD on this stuff.

 

So I saw Dr. Sam this week.  She either read my blog or she just figured out she needed to get better with the tissues, because she actually handed me a couple, when I was crying.  And I have not seen crumbs on the couch since the first time.  She told me “Food was fuel”  for the body, when I tried to talk about my eating problems.  I guess that is an ok way to think about it, but my mantra seems to be “Food is comfort”…

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August 4, 2018 at 11:45 am 16 comments


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