Posts tagged ‘trust’
On my way to work today, I saw a parade of taxis. I did not know where they were going and I did not know what they were doing. There must have been 20-30 of them all driving down the road. I did not see any people in the back seat, but in some it was hard to tell. I did not know what was going on. But, what I do know is that it bought back unpleasant memories of growing up in foster care. Memories that other foster kids DO NOT need to have, if we prohibit the fucking glorified taxi service that transports foster kids.
Here me out…
You see, foster kids have many appointments in their daily lives ~ therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, dentists, physical therapy, visitation with bioparents, social workers, court appointments, etc. etc. And because of this, many foster kids find themselves in the seat of “A TRANSPORTER;” which is a volunteer who jitnies kids around when the foster parents can’t or won’t; a glorified taxi service if you want…
Read this loudly:
I HATED TRANSPORTERS.
No, not the people themselves, because I barely knew the “transporter”…. which is the point. I DID NOT know these people moving me about my life from appointment to appointment. They did not know me, so they did not really care about me. They “transported” me…
You see what I am saying?
You come out of a therapy session needing support and caring, understanding and connectedness. You are full of feelings and need someone you can relate to. But oh shit, you come out to a “taxi”, because instead of your foster parent, you get a “transporter.”
You come out of a doctor’s appointment scared and in the middle of a PTSD reaction because of the touching of your body or the power imbalance. You need connectedness and caring… but instead are greeted by a glorified taxi driver…your “transporter.” Your foster parent is nowhere to be found.
It is hard enough for foster kids to attach or bond and to trust people, don’t you see how “this little thing” could effect a foster kid?
Would you put your biokids in a taxi and send them off to an appointment?
Especially young kids?
During these jitnies, sometimes I sat in the front and the “transporter” talked to me; sometimes I sat in the back and all I heard was talk radio or really bad music… and sometimes I sat in silence. But even if the “transporter” talked to me, THEY DID NOT KNOW ME…. They didn’t know my demons, my battles, my fears, my pains, my joys, my successes…my life. I did not trust them, they weren’t connected to me..
I felt alone. Alone again.
I never understand why the job of the “transporter” is to transport kids when the foster parents CAN’T or WON’T do so. Ok, CAN”T, I can understand. At times, people get sick, the car breaks down, so I can understand CAN’T sometimes. But WON’T…..WTF? WON’T. If you WON’T transport your foster child to appointments which are part of their lives, why are you a foster parent? Please tell me why?
Foster kids, already FEEL different. But when you use “transporters,” we FEEL more different, unimportant, and just like “the foster kid.” We don’t FEEL part of the normal world, because in the normal world, a parent takes their child to the doctors, to therapy, to the dentist, etc. Everytime I went with a “transporter,” a voice screamed inside my head, “you are not important enough for us to care about you.”
Do you hear what I am saying? Be the parent — because you are IT when the kids are living with you. And parent’s drive their kids to appointments to be their for them…correct?
As I watched the line of taxis drive by, I remembered all the times I sat in “transporter’s” cars and looked out the window, feeling alone and not important enough for my foster parents to drive me. No matter how many miles the distance from my foster home to the appointment, I would have rather walked because either way… I was alone.