Tips and perspectives for caring for foster kids


Here are some tips, helpful hints, and suggestions on how to raise, care for, and help children in foster care. Many of these come from my experiences growing up in the system and they share the perspective of the child…

Many have been used in foster parenting training classes and various newsletters.  Please feel free to continue to use them for training and education of anyone  involved with the foster care system.  It’s ok to borrow the writings, just leave a comment letting me know and cite my blog please.




For starters….

What makes a “Good” foster mom?

What makes a “Good”  foster dad?

Foster Parents … Top 10 things to make the first day easier!

Food issues… do NOT fear them

Fucked up rules of foster care – Share yours!

Extreme Coupons… Hang these on your frig… for the kids!

10 Things to Reform the Foster Care System

Teach these life lessons, please!

Hey foster parents … 5 simple things NEVER to forget!

Financial Woas… Don’t forget about $$$

Too many foster kids have NO class…

Dump the transporters … they suck!

Permanency does not always mean adoption … so what’s next?

Don’t be cheap…. buy a NEW comforter

Are you treating your foster kid like trash?

Stop the stigma! …myths that need to die

Stupid questions that SUCK to ask a foster kids/foster alumni



Holiday tips and thoughts


Hold the “happy”… holidays are hard for foster kids!

Thanksgiving tips for foster parents!

Top 10 Holiday Gifts For Foster Kids





230 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Cookie  |  October 29, 2012 at 12:53 am

    LT, are you ok? Did you decide to take down your blog? I’m concerned about you because this came without warning.

    Please take care of yourself and know that I care about you. I’m worried about you!

    • 2. Cookie  |  October 29, 2012 at 1:08 am

      Oh sweet LT, I’m really freaking out that you’re okay. I hope you’ve just taken Dr. V’s advice and decided to stop your blog. PLEASE reach out if you’re not okay.

      If you’ve decided to stop this blog, I want you to know that I will always hold you in my heart, and I wish that one day we could’ve met (I’d bake you cookies and sorry, but I’d give you a big safe hug). You’ve changed my life in ways I never knew possible, and I am forever grateful to you. Thank you. You are an amazing soul with a beautiful shining light in your heart.

  • 3. Loreley  |  October 29, 2012 at 12:55 am

    Hi LT

    thank you for posting this!

  • 4. Cesarea  |  October 29, 2012 at 1:21 am

    ❤ Do what's best for you.

  • 5. Kim  |  October 29, 2012 at 1:50 am

    L.T. – You wrote so many amazing, helpful, touching posts. It makes me want to go back and read them all again. Maybe one day you can have someone help you make them into a book and publish it. Thanks for all you’ve shared with us. Hope there is more. : )

  • 6. Kim  |  October 29, 2012 at 1:53 am

    P.S. – I volunteered with my “aged-out” foster girls today. We dipped long pretzels in chocolate and decorated them with Halloween colored sprinkles and wrapped them in bags with Halloween ribbon. They had a lot of fun (I think). Wish you could have been there.

  • 7. Crumble  |  October 29, 2012 at 1:59 am

    LT – if this is the end, it is a perfect way to end the blog. I do not believe you will end your life. I believe your purpose and life is too important.

    You have written so many important things here, and changed lives.

    I am a bit in shock, so I may have more to add later.

    But I know and trust that you will do what is best for you.

    I am sorry if this became too much to you, and if I ever hurt you or caused you stress. I hope you will take care of you, and forgive those of us who were ignorant when we did not mean to be.

    You are an inspiration. Peace, love, and happiness to you, LT. Always and forever.


  • 8. ellalla  |  October 29, 2012 at 3:37 am

    Wow, new look. Great lt!

    • 9. ellalla  |  October 29, 2012 at 3:41 am

      Oh no. You want to end ur blog? Lt, please. I know that many trolls there,but you don’t have to do this. We will lose you. We want to know how you feel, how you are doing, are you well and safe.
      If you stop this blog, we will be worried, not knowing what state are you in.

  • 10. Liza  |  October 29, 2012 at 8:50 am

    LT, are you ending your blog? It makes me sad to think we won’t be hearing from you anymore, but.I am happy that you are doing what feels right to you. If you ever want to post anything else I will keep checking your page. Thank you for being you, LT, and for bringing light into my life.
    I hope you are okay, LT. Please reach out to Dr. Val, and keep this wonderful you safe. You are too precious too lose.
    Take good care, sweetie. I will be thinking about you.
    Peace 🙂

  • 11. a mom  |  October 29, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Hmm..mornings are not my brainy time. I’m a live taxi, darling, and there are at least 7 appointments in the next 5 days.

    I came here (this morning) to say that I believe you are a very smart & sensible young Lady. And so, I expect you to have evacuated if you are in the path of this storm.

    I would Never ask you to do or not do what is best for You.
    The blog is still “here”, so maybe this is a “pause”?

    If you need a “pause”, take one.
    November is Adoption Awareness Month.
    If you need to go, I and many, many others will miss you.

    *Sigh*…I have not been posting long enough to say what I always want to say to you.

    Often, I think I should tell anyway.
    I think you need to know, or hear, but I never want to come on too strong and freak you out. So, ok, please forgive my forwardness, but the thing I know best is my own mind.

    LT, dearest, I am here for you. I can’t tell you I am “her” because that is something you must decide, but I am yours. It’s a painful wait…waiting to share that with you, but I am willing to wait as long as it takes.

    Much Love and Many Smiles for and because of you…

    (I’m about to be late for an appointment. I hope this says what I want it to say. I’ll check back asap)

  • 12. Bee  |  October 29, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Hi LT.  I only just came to know of your blog.  Reading back through your archives, my heart ached for you.  So hard to read that I can not fathom how hard it would have been to live.  It is important that people know how kids come to the foster system and live in the foster system.  I think a lot of the problems come because people are blissfully unaware and so don’t speak up.  

    I hope your story, whether you share it here or not, has a positive ending.  You obviously have so much to share and you deserve love.  I hope you get what you need. 
    I wanted to let you know too, ås others have said, how much value I’ve found in the posts above.  I have forwarded them to people I know who foster as well as people who work with kids in the foster system.  I know they have, in turn, passed your work on to others.  

    I hope you continue to heal and that you find some peace and come to know your value.  Sending you so much warmth, compassion and love.  

  • 13. Angela  |  October 29, 2012 at 10:33 am

    I found your blog a while back when I was looking for tips for making foster children feel comfortable. I read those tips then I proceeded to read everything you have written but I never left a comment. It seemed that the blog was your personal space to sort through and heal and I did not want to impose my thoughts…besides, I am not sure I have too much to offer. But, if you are not going to blog any more, I want to at least say, “Thank you.” Thank you for sharing and thank you for caring about what happens to the kids who are going through the system and wanting to make a difference. I hope you are ok. I will pray for you and hope that you continue to heal. Your progress has been amazing and by writing, you have helped me.

  • 14. Pat  |  October 29, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Hi LT – I will miss your blog. You have helped so many people with your posts – and I am grateful for what you have shared with us! ((Hugs))

  • 15. Jules  |  October 29, 2012 at 11:17 am

    I’m sad you decided to do this, though I do understand why, you have to do what is right for you. I do hope you find peace and happiness someday lt, take good care of yourself. you are a great person, don’t ever forget that.

  • 16. Cocco  |  October 29, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Oh my… have you decided to shut down your blog? If that’s the case I’m gonna miss you so bad… but you’ve got to do whatever you think is best for yourself and I respect your choice. Just one question, if I may ask, will you stop writing for good or you are taking a break?
    I must admit this shakes me, it feels like I were left alone, but it doesn’t matter.
    LT, we don’t know each other in the flesh, nevertheless I respect you a lot and want to let you know that from my mere point of view you are one astonishing person. You taught and helped me behind description. Every day, through your posts, I’ve grown up more and more and somehow I have learnt to deal with my past experiences and the bad feelings/bad memories past left into me; for this and much more: Thank you! ♡
    Don’t forget the good you’ve done, don’t forget you’re a wonderful fine lady, furthermore remember to treat yourself with the utmost respect and care! Don’t ever hurt yourself! …I’m already missing you!

  • 17. maesie  |  October 29, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    thank you so much for everything you have done in your blog. If this is the end of it, I will miss hearing your words of wisdom and watching your journey, but I understand if it’s time to move on. You’re amazing and strong and I know there will be wonderful things happening in your life in the future. You have grown so much in the years you’ve been writing, and I know your words will not cease just because they’re not in this public forum any more. I will certainly miss hearing new insight into how to help the foster care system, but you have already given us all so much (even while others try to tear you down), and I know your message will not cease just because the blog is ending.

    Be proud of who you are, LT. I wish you healing, health, and happiness. You are amazing, and your life will be as well.

    Much love and respect,

  • 18. mamamama  |  October 29, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Thank you for the time you wrote your blog. If this is the end I will be sad to see you go. I hope you have a nice life and maybe someday you will reopen your blog. Good luck to you and keep trucking.

  • 19. Joe  |  October 29, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Good bye, LT. And thanks. Sad to see you go, but glad you are taking Dr. Val’s advice.

    I became a CASA because of you. Thought you should know that.

    I’m hopeful that someday, I’ll hear of a young, 20-something (or maybe 30-something…no rush!!) lady is speaking at an adoption conference or an abuse awareness event or launching her book and is on Good Morning America or is speaking to Congress, and I will wink and smile, knowing you have continued to champion the cause for kids.

    You go, girl! 🙂

  • 20. Tara dL  |  October 29, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    LT, I wish for you only the very best. I’m sad that I didn’t start commenting sooner, because I really would like for you to know that you made a difference for me. If there is ever anything I can do for you, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I hope you will find peace, happiness, friends you can trust, and a community that appreciates you for your wonderful self.

  • 21. Shae  |  October 29, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    LT, I hope you are doing okay, be gentle with yourself! I don’t know why you changed the blog set up, but as long as YOU keep moving forward, then thats totally cool with me 🙂

    the blog can end if you want it to, but LT, we all want you to keep living and growing and healing!!!

  • 22. butterflysblog  |  October 29, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Sweet LT – thank you for this list of tips. When I need this list as a future foster parent, this will be awesome for that!

    As a person who cares about you, I hope you’re keeping safe in the storm. I am not sure where you are in the country, but if you are in the path of the storm, please go to KC’s house until it’s over, and bring your fur family. (And just please at least let us know you are safe.) (Sorry if I sound like a worrywart.) 🙂


  • 23. a mom  |  October 29, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Unhappy errand woman … loves you

    (only had a minute..spent it here)

    be back again asap

  • 24. Kat  |  October 29, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Sending you love, LT. I’m going to miss you. ❤

  • 25. Ken Marteney  |  October 29, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    You have to do what’s best for you, but I hope you’re not letting anybody run you out of town. You’ve been through too much and grown into such a strong, amazing person. And you help so many people through your writing. Don’t let the turkeys get you down. Take care of you and I hope to see more of your writing in the future.

  • 26. Tanya  |  October 29, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    You are an amazing young woman with so much insight and the ability to help many. Please know that a lot of us are rooting for you and would like to hear from you once in a while.
    I wish someone could moderate comments on your blog for you and save you all the pain from negative, vindictive people that think they feel better when tearing down other people.
    I will continue to send people to your blog to learn from the information you have posted in the past as long as you allow it. I especially like “What makes a good foster mom?” They are all great help to those willing to learn.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Lots of virtual hugs sent your way.

  • 27. Georgia Phillips  |  October 30, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Hi there. I’m a foster parent trainer and long-time fan of your site. I am requesting permission to use some of your tips in my foster parent training. I will give you full credit and whatever else is required. Thank you! You are a blessing and an inspiration!

  • 28. YW  |  November 3, 2012 at 3:02 am

    sorry I must have missed some of your postings where Dr Val suggested to stop your blog? Whatever you decide, please keep taking care of yourself, little by little. Learn to ignor trolls and nay-sayers .. Focus on you LT and your friend KC, your job, Dr Val and your pets.. stay safe and sweet dreams! I do hope you keep writing or keep and online journal you are such a talented writer and can help many more people in the future! And I know it will help you continue to heal.. hugs hugs hugs!!

  • 29. Rita  |  November 3, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    I’m missing you already LT.

    I wish nothing but the best for you.

  • 30. Crumble  |  November 4, 2012 at 12:42 am

    I love the way you archived things, LT. It makes the information really accessible!

    We will always miss you. Still thinking warm thoughts for you.

  • 31. a mom  |  November 4, 2012 at 1:08 am

    How are you?
    If the page changes, you’ve been here to do it, right?

    I am tired. Hoping you are doing ok where you are. I havn’t had the chance to really reply with my two cents worth on this, but it’s been on my mind all week. With this month being about Adoption Awareness and the volunteer opportunities that are available, my thoughts again turn to you.

    To blog or not to blog? *Smile*
    To that question, I’d say the decision is quite personal.

    To Leave blog/info up or not leave info up?
    The same answer all along, but it recently hit me how very important it is for it to remain up/available. To take this information away would be to take it away from the children and no one wants that. *smile*

    It seems that you already agree, and so this is just a plea on their behalf that you should never hit delete. There are sites that offer their information online for free but also offer print editions. Either way, save it/keep it, please.

    Lots of different thoughts in the comments. I agree with doing what is best for you and for whatever reason(s) that are valid for you.

    I have often thought about the future chapters of your life. Your words and expressions are a gift and they are art. I think no matter the topic or emotion and no matter the format you choose in which to express it, it will still be art. That part of you will always be with you.

    Smiles for and because…

  • 32. a mom  |  November 4, 2012 at 1:07 am

    Love and prayers for you always, my dear…

  • 33. ellalla  |  November 4, 2012 at 1:47 am

    LT, how are you feeling these days? Are you sure with this decision?
    Hey, my church will join a foster kids Christmas celebration,,and I am so excited with that. I will meet many aged out kids. Actually many of them have many talents, I metthem once but I wasn’t sure what I should talk about so I was quiet. I will be more talkative later! There is one who writes music, and very good at singing.
    This is the song ( the girl is a Christian):
    You asked me where I came from?
    I come from a broken family, from a father who was never be there for me, a father who promised to pick me up from school, a father who murder and a criminal
    You asked me where I came from?
    I came from God’s love, God’s heart and I come to love.

    I remember this song very well, it was sung this March but I still remember. Lt, you also have talents. Ur talent is writing and advocating and educating people bout foster kids.

    You are unique, no one is like you. You don’t have to be successful, as long as you are helpful for others. Look, many people are highly educated, come from good family but when they see the poors and marginalized, they are blind. You re not and I really admire ur heart and attitude.

    Don’t run just because of these trolls. Don’t run when you are running away from something. You are more than what they say about you. I have trust in you. Hugs LT.

    Btw, it is cold and cough season here. Please drink vitamin, eat healthy( no cheetos, or soda), buy socks, blankets, always cover ur belly button ( I always put Salonpas patches on my belly button whenever it is cold) whenever you go outside and please remember we love you, we are here for you dear…

  • 34. a mom  |  November 4, 2012 at 1:59 am


    To laugh often and much;

    To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

    To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

    To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;

    To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

    To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

    This is to have succeeded.

    (Goodnight Sweetness)

  • 35. mamamama  |  November 4, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Good by, LT. Thank you for all that you did for foster kids and parents. I wish you the best in life. I think closing your blog shows growth but I will miss reading it. Keep trucking, LT.

  • 36. Linda  |  November 4, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    Hi. This is an amazing blog and I am sorry it seems to be ending, though I gather it is with much thought and maybe this is a move onward and upward.
    I am a student in Dalhousie University’s school of social work. I would like to link this blog to a wiki I am doing with classmates about youth in care, the struggles, some solutions, etc. To link your site to our wiki will in no way steal your voice, and your blog will be seen as you have made it, with no interference from us. It will be viewed by students in my class and our instructors. Though this respects your copyright, I still would like to let you know and to ask for your blessing. We are trying to spread a message to social workers about the importance of and need for strong, safe and warm youth housing.
    Thanks for all you have given of yourself here. You are very powerful. I am grateful for your work. Peace and strength to you, wherever you are.

  • 37. butterflysblog  |  November 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Sweet LT – I’m thinking about you, sending loving thoughts and energy your way.

  • 38. Concerned FM  |  November 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    “Sometimes, it only takes a little to change big things.”

    I believe everybody on your blog can help the beautiful foster children out there that need a family and lots of love.

    Thank you, LT!


  • 39. Val Fox  |  November 6, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us through your blog. I will continue to refer back to your site often and hope you won’t delete it. The world needs to hear what you have to say. We can definitely benefit from your experiences. Hugs. 🙂

  • 40. Val Fox  |  November 6, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    One more comment: Having worked as a newspaper editor I struggled with writing opinion pieces sometimes – editorials. I learned that the more controversial a topic I wrote, the better. An editorial makes people think. They may not agree but the editorial adds to the value of the newspaper. The more controversy, the more people are reading – thus, we get the message out. Your messages are powerful. I have fostered 100 kids and the wisdom I get from the kids themselves is SO helpful. They cannot always put their thoughts into clear words, but YOU can. Thank you.

  • 41. Jodi  |  November 7, 2012 at 11:12 am


  • 42. Inna K.  |  November 8, 2012 at 11:45 am

    L.T. Sending you my love and respect. I am Russian, reading in English is sometimes difficult for me. But I read and translated every word in your blog.
    You went through hell and it will take years for you to recover, it that is even possible. But you already did so much for others by telling people the truth.

    Thank you. Love you.

  • 43. butterflysblog  |  November 8, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Hi Sweet LT – I miss you and hope you are doing okay.

  • 44. M.E. sageplant  |  November 8, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Hi LT, it seems that you have touched many souls. I’m glad for that. I’m just stopping in to say, I’m thinking of you. One of my good friends just moved away today and I am already missing her. I am glad that we can somehow still connect. With the changing of season and less light, it’s important to find ways to keep light in our lives. peace

  • 45. imprezy dla dzieci Poznań  |  November 9, 2012 at 5:13 am

    really nice, hope to see more from you, it is really nice great job

  • 46. Sarah  |  November 9, 2012 at 7:15 am

    Thank you for spreading your wisdom LT. I hope and pray you find peace and happiness. You’re an angel on earth. Much love.

  • 47. Inna K.  |  November 9, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Dear LT. I live in Canada. I am 42 year old women, divorced. Immigrant from Russia. Live with my mother (she is 70), my daughter comes to visit (she is 21). We have an old dog and a very old cat. I am about to become a foster mom for a teenager…
    I wonder if you want to come and visit us in Canada. I will be glad to have you over any time you like. Please email me (hope you can see my email when I post).
    Looking forward to hearing from you 🙂

  • 48. sunshine  |  November 9, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Hey LT, I hope you’re ok. Our Little Guy is struggling. Lots of changes going on for him. I just wanted you to know I am thinking of you as I try to help him. I am praying for you as I pray for him. Thanks again for all that you have shared.

  • 49. YW  |  November 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Just thinking of you keep your head up high and focus on you ok LT?

  • 50. Crumble  |  November 9, 2012 at 8:17 pm

    Just stopped by, again, because you are on my mind. I will try not to write anymore little notes to let you know I am thinking of you. Please just assume that I am.

  • 51. Eve  |  November 9, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Sad that you needed to stop blogging. Stupid, awful trolls should crawl back under their bridges.
    I was in “alternative” care repeatedly, foster & extended family. I was lucky enough to be cared for & kept safe by my grandmother after bouncing around for a number of years.
    My husband & I do foster respite & emergency (receiving home) & reg placements as well for kids birth-3.
    I love your insights, & I have to tell you how comforting it is to hear some of the crazy things in my head shared by you too! It helps me be a better foster(and biological) parent.
    I loved your blog & sadly had just found it a few months ago. Thank you for making sense 🙂 and for reminding me of lost places & parts of my childhood that I needto hold onto in order to be a whole person. It reminds me to talk through things even with my younger foster kids so they can have the words to tell me if they’re afraid or worried.

    I hope you are feeling loved, I hope you find moments of feeling safe & above all I hope you feel proud. You are a powerful voice for all those kids who are still learning to find their way. Thank you for giving me such good reminders.


  • 52. Cookie  |  November 9, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    LT, I’m popping in to say hi and thank you. I hope you’re doing well. 🙂

  • 53. Tim  |  November 10, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Wotcha LT. Thought I just pop in and say hello. Like you do. Hope you’re ok.

    You’re great you are

  • 54. Liza  |  November 11, 2012 at 12:39 am

    Thinking about you as usual, LT. Hope everything is going uphill for you, sweetie. You deserve nothing less!!

  • 55. Jen  |  November 11, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Hi LT, Take care of yourself and hope to see you back blogging one day! Thank you for sharing your experiences. You made me a better CASA.

  • 56. Tim  |  November 12, 2012 at 3:16 am

    Alright! What’s new pussycat? As Tom Jones might sing

    You’re great you are

  • 57. Angela  |  November 12, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    I still hopefully check this page for updates. Still praying that all is well with you and that the holidays are not too rough for you this year. Take care and keep progressing.

  • 58. butterflysblog  |  November 12, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Sweet LT – I miss you sweetie. I hope you are doing okay.

  • 59. YW  |  November 13, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Hi just saying “Hi!!” and letting you know I am thinking of you! Hope all is ok and hoping you are having dinner at KC’s for Thanksgiving? stay cool LT and stay safe..

  • 60. An Ordinary American  |  November 13, 2012 at 8:35 pm


    Dropping in from time to time. Just read your post (it was still in my e-mail box) about the latest trolls and how your bio-sperm-donor is on parole and roaming the streets. I understand your fear.

    If he gets too close, pack a bag and head to Dallas for a few days. If he follows you down here, I’ll solve the problem for you and the fear will go away and you can live the rest of your life in peace, so far as that aspect of your past is concerned.

    I know you’re no longer blogging but that doesn’t mean you still don’t need the occasional shoulder to lean on. Same as always, you can contact me via the blog and I’ll give you my permanent e-mail address. I don’t need to know your name, don’t need to know where you’re at–that’s not what is important. Having a dad-aged man who understands your heart as well as your past and your present. . . that’s what is important.

    The holidays are coming up on us and in a hurry. Pamper yourself a little bit this year. Find a foster child you can be a “secret Santa” for and pick her/him up a few basic gifts. Giving truly makes you feel wonderful.

    In case I don’t drop you a line between now and next Thursday, you have yourself a Happy Thanksgiving and be sure to eat something more than just Cheetohs, ‘kay? (grin)


  • 61. manyofus1980  |  November 14, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Thinking of ou L.T. Have a happy thanksgiving ok? In ireland we dont have thanksgivin. I hope you are well, and safe. You deserve that!

  • 62. YW  |  November 15, 2012 at 1:42 am

    will continue to re-read your posts LT, and hope you are doing ok?
    pets ok? KC ok? Are you being nice to Dr. Val? : I sure hope so
    stay cool

  • 63. Tim  |  November 16, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Hi LT,
    Thought I’d check in and see how you were. I’ve had a busy couple of weeks sorting my uniform and parading for Remembrance Day. Or Veterans Day I think is what they call it in the US. I could be wrong though. It does happen. 🙂 Anyway just letting you know you’re not forgotten. Hope you’re ok and you have/had a good thanksgiving (not something we celebrate in the UK so I don’t get that one) That’s it really. Have a good one whatever it is you’re doing.

    You’re great you are
    (I’m not wrong about that 😀 )

  • 64. Cookie  |  November 16, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    Hi LT, I’ve been thinking about you and I hope you’re doing alright.

    I also want to say “thank you.” Because of you, I’m now involved in a foster kid’s life and guess what? I wouldn’t have a fricking clue what I was doing if it wasn’t for your excellent writing, tips, and beautiful blog posts. So, thank you. You’re an amazing woman and you’re helping others make a difference.

  • 65. Christy  |  November 18, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Hi LT!
    I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.

  • 66. JD  |  November 18, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Hello LT-

    I’m 18 and I read your blog religiously because someday I want to be a foster parent. Thanks for all of the advice, I know a lot of it came from personal suffering – I hope those trials have made you stronger.

    Thank you,


  • 67. M.E. sageplant  |  November 20, 2012 at 2:20 am

    Hi LT, I drop in to see if by some chance you decided to say something. I hope your doing OK. I really do. Hope you found another outlet that is filling a good place for you. I know holidays are rough (they are for lot’s of folks for many reasons) maybe you will be at KC’s. Maybe your doing more writing some where else or helping others. Either way, I wish you well. So, in the spirit of being thankful..

    thank you for honestly sharing your heart with us. What a gift.


  • 68. Rita  |  November 20, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    I miss you.

  • 69. Tina Bean  |  November 21, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Miss your posts very much. Hope you are doing well, and that you have another great thanksgiving with KC and the fam. ❤

  • 70. JenniferC  |  November 21, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    I miss your wise words and continue to pray for you each and every day. I hope you are doing well. I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you are spending the day with KC and family.

  • 71. Kat  |  November 22, 2012 at 12:23 am

    I still stop by. Miss you. Hope you’re safe and warm and loved.

  • 72. butterflysblog  |  November 26, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Hi LT – just stopping by to let you know I am thinking about you. 🙂


  • 73. Jodi  |  November 28, 2012 at 2:18 am

    Thinking of you, LT. Hoping you are doing alright and continuing on your healing journey. Hugs and kisses, to you and the furbabies.

  • 74. M.E. sageplant  |  November 28, 2012 at 4:15 am

    hey , LT, where ever you are, thank’s for posting your thoughts. The world can be pretty rough, but I wish we could all have some kind of LT party and sit with you and say hi and all that. Yeah, I know, thats crazy and it would be so freakin intense..but somehow I hope there is at least one person that is sayin hi and showing you love……peace

  • 75. Rhonda  |  November 28, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Your posts are so poignant, touching, and thought provoking and I’d love to use them in the training we do with our foster parents. Would you please contact me to grant permission? Thanks so much!

  • 76. butterflysblog  |  November 28, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Sweet LT – just wanted to stop in and say hi. I’m thinking about you and hoping you are having a great day!

  • 77. Concerned FM  |  November 29, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Hi LT,

    We have decided to fight for justice and hopefully make changes so that foster parents have rights. I once asked you if we could put a link to your blog on our website. You said yes. We have done so. If you have time, please take a look at it and maybe even make a comment. I didn’t think it was right to post my website here even though I wish I could to share our story.

    I pray that some day you will write again. We are in the fight of our lives and feel very alone. You were the brightest light shining that gave me hope that we could do this. I’m scared … but I will not give up. The world needs more great foster families. We will forever be sad that we can’t foster anymore due to hatred of some powerful individuals, but in the end we will always have the love of our foster children who are still in our lives. For that we are grateful and truly blessed. XOXO

  • 78. Danielle  |  November 29, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Hi LT,

    I just spent the greater portion of 2 hours reading several of your posts. I work for an FFA recruiting foster parents and I’m always trying to figure out what the “right” type of foster parent looks like. I love that your posts are blatantly open and honest and that you’re able to give a good definition of how foster parents should treat, share, love, give, transport…etc. their foster children. I encourage you to stay strong and keep writing. The world needs more people like you who can be real and tell it like it is. I hope to return to your blog again soon and see how you’re doing. I can only imagine that you’re making progress as you seem like an incredibly strong person who wishes to change not only the foster care system, but the world as a whole. Keep your head up (cliche, but I can’t quite think of what else to say. What would you say?)


  • 79. Just a mom  |  December 1, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    As a step-parent, bio parent, and the adoptive mom of a long term foster teen, I have enjoyed your blog, cried many times, and gained much insight. We are currently talking of beginning the process of adopting another teen late next year. There is a wonderful organization to advocate for foster children called CASA-Court Appointed Special Advocate. Their volunteers have helped countless children and are always looking for more volunteers. These children need our help and voices. LT, I wish you peace and much love.

  • 80. Krista  |  December 2, 2012 at 12:34 am

    Hey there LT,

    I’m sorry I missed the opportunity to post on your Thanksgiving blog post ; I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and had plenty of delicious things to eat. I was just checking in to say hello and that I think of you very single day with the hope that you’re doing well. Keep being your beautiful, smart, funny, caring, compassionate self, dearest.

  • 81. linda  |  December 3, 2012 at 11:42 am

    I hope you read this LT. We are in the process of trying to adopt two children – ages 12 and 7 – sisters, who have lived here since March.

    Their mother had a tpr two months ago and we are still waiting for the judge to make a ruling. Very frustrating to say the least – it affects all of us in some way or another . . . . being in limbo not really knowing what the future will hold. Giving our 12 year old hope that she will go back which inspires the 7 year old to follow along with her sister. Scaring us because we know the history and worry about what will happen to their lives if they are sent back to their mom.

    The girls still visit with their mom every other week . . . . each time when it comes close to that visit the 12 year old starts treating me very badly like a flip just turns in her head. My frustration with that has gotten so high – I lost my temper last night and said words that I want to take back . . . but I can’t. I also told them that I love them both and want them to stay with us forever. I cannot imagine our lives without the girls . . . we don’t know what the future will hold but while they are here I want to make their lives the best they can possibly be . . .

    I failed last night – I know I am the parent and I need to stay in control but that was not the case last night and I feel I have added to the disruption rather than do my part at easing it. To make matters worse the case workers are pretty much fed up with my questioning everything . . . especially my questions regarding the judge who still has not made a decision after 32 months of the girls being in foster care.

    Your blog always give me hope and gives me a sense of direction in how to be there for the girls. Today I’m feeling regret at not being stronger and am trying to find a way to cope. Going to re-read your thoughts about what makes a good foster mom. Thank you for all your inspirational posts. What you have done here is so important. If you are no longer blogging you will be greatly missed. I wish you peace and love in your life.

    • 82. Jamie  |  December 5, 2012 at 2:08 am

      Visit can be pretty rough. We had some children stay with us for a few months that still had parental visits. They regressed every time. I can’t imagine the strain of no knowing on the girls or you. 32 months is a long time to string everyone along. Make sure to apologize.

      Social workers can get frustrated at times. They get caught in the middle. I know I frustrated our agency with questions. I spent almost nine months trying to get our children placed with us so we could adopt them. Stay strong.

      Saying a prayer for you and the girls.

      • 83. linda  |  December 5, 2012 at 9:00 pm

        Thanks so much Jamie for the sharing and your prayers. In the end all we can do is love them and hope they have the very best future possible.

        Peace to you and thank you so much, Linda

  • 84. Tikunolam  |  December 3, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Hey LT,
    Just dropping by to say hi. Miss you!

  • 85. angela  |  December 3, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    I was in foster care for between the ages of 4-7. I am now 31 and had a child a year and a half ago. I have wondered for years what the full story was why me and my brother had to go into foster care. My mum was an alcoholic but I never understood why we went ino care as we had a big family and couldnt understand why no one else in the family could look after us. Our time in care was pretty shit . Since having my son it seems to have brought up lots of feelings and questions of what happened. So when I asked my mum about it she could hardly remember any of it as she was drunk so blocked out most stuff. I went to Birthlink uk who managed to get hold of my social work files. I was able to read for myself what happened. After this my relationship with my mum has been strained due to feeling alot of anger and resentment of what happened. I go to counselling to try and help with the feelings towards my mum but I dont now if they are going to go as they still feel pretty raw.

  • 86. Cookie  |  December 4, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Hi LT, I’m thinking about you and I hope you’re doing well. I’m sending good thoughts to you.

  • 87. YW  |  December 5, 2012 at 5:02 am

    how are you LT? How are Shadow, Moonlight & harbor everybody ok? Just thinking of you!

  • 88. Tim  |  December 5, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Hi LT hope you’re doing ok. You’re great you are

  • 89. NEfostermom  |  December 5, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    I pray you are doing well. Miss hearing from you, but you have to take care of YOU, not us readers.

    I was disappointed to see you removed the post “unfixable” foster kids. Out of all your posts, that was the ONE I had saved in my favorites. I clicked on it to reread it in the midst of a situation right now, and to remind myself about the truth of the foster care journey.

    I’m thrilled you didn’t remove everything from here. This blog is the reason we have opened our home up to older ‘THERAPUTIC’ level kids. This blog has inspired me, and reminded me that no matter how hard it is for me, it’s even harder for my kids, and I keep going. Because you shared your story.

    The ‘forever’ kids in my home will never be able to tell you thank you. But I can say it- thank you, LT. They don’t know it, but without this blog, I would have never opened my home to the “unfixable” foster kids.

    If sharing your story to make a difference in only ONE family is the result, was it worth it to you? I hope so. It made a difference for us.

    With much respect,

    • 90. NEfostermom  |  December 21, 2012 at 11:07 pm

      Thank you so much. Some days, when I feel like I am at the end of my rope, I read that post, and I find new grace to continue on another day. Thank you, LT.

  • 91. Leslie D  |  December 6, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    May I please put a link to your blog on mine?

  • 92. ellalla  |  December 6, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Thinking of you and your pets. How are you? Any plan for Chrismas?

  • 93. Alwaysafan  |  December 7, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Thinking of you, LT.

  • 94. Elaine  |  December 7, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    LT, I was so glad to see your Thanksgiving post. I hope you went to KC’s house for the holiday! Thank you for writing that post, it was great to hear from you again. We readers miss you and hope you are doing well! Much love to you.

  • 95. Tim  |  December 9, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Morning, afternoon or evening – depending when you read this. Hope you’re ok. Just letting you know I still wonder if you’re ok and hope things are going ok for you

    You’re great you are

  • 96. Kat  |  December 11, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Thinking of you.

  • 97. Rita  |  December 12, 2012 at 4:17 am

    I hope all is well with you LT. I keep on checking your blog hoping your back. I wish you health, happiness, love & peace.

  • 98. Angela  |  December 12, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    no updates. I hope all is well and you taking each day as it comes, dealing with each hurdle as you get to them. Stay warm, keep forging forward. Thinking of and praying for you.

  • 99. The Bair Foundation  |  December 13, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    We shared your blog about “Hold the Happy – Holidays are Hard for Foster Kids” with our foster parents on our blog. Thank you for sharing your perspective; it helps so many foster parents relate to the children they love very much.

  • 100. Tim  |  December 14, 2012 at 3:36 am

    Hiya LT! Sorry I haven’t been by for a little while. I haven’t forgotten you though. As if! Anyway as per just checking in to let you know I’m still here and I still hope everything is ok for you atm. I’ve moved to the Falkland Islands (just off the coast of South America down at the bottom end) I’m here for 4 months. 3rd time here, it’s part of my job as I’m in the British Military. Anyhow take care.

    You’re great you are

  • 101. Joy Mooney  |  December 14, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    I am a current foster mom to 2 boys, 4 and 1. Who we have had for just about a year. (We picked up the 1 year old from the hosptial at 4 days). We are hoping to adopt them! My question is about “accidents”. In the information we’ve gotten and from family friends is the 4 yr old has been potty trained since he was 2 and a half. But, he has several accidents a week. Sometimes, it’s at night, which is understandable, but sometimes it’s “on purpose” while awake. I get being excited about something or waiting until last minute because he doesn’t want to miss anything. But, this morning when I woke him up he was dry and he asked to lay there for a few minutes and when he did get up he got up saying he’d had an “accident”. I’m at a loss. This is his first placement and he’s been here a while, he knows what he’s doing. I guess my question is: how do I handle this? On one hand it’s not ok but I don’t want to traumize him. But, I do want him to know it’s not ok. Do I ignore it?

    • 102. M.E. sageplant  |  December 15, 2012 at 12:44 am

      Hi Joy, I hope you don’t mind if I offer my feelings on this. The short answer, is almost ignore it. I have been dealing with the bed wetting issue more than once and I can really say, that once you just not let it get to you it will be better for all involved. If you think there might be a medical problem , address that, but mainly help your child through this. Humiliation is the worst. I have “water proof back-up” bedding and pj’s each night (4 1/2 yr. old) . Your little guy could be working through previous stuff or just missing being “babied”. He just needs some extra patience on this one. Hoping the best for all. Peace

  • 103. Cookie  |  December 15, 2012 at 12:51 am

    LT, you’ve been on my mind a lot lately. Know that an internet stranger (me!) is out here thinking about you, and sending you good thoughts and warm wishes, and hoping you’re doing good.

  • 104. Shae  |  December 17, 2012 at 3:21 am

    Hi LT!!!

    I saw this quote today and I thought of you

    “Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.”

    I hope things are going well for you 🙂 Have a great week!

  • 105. Linka  |  December 18, 2012 at 12:44 am

    Just stopping by to let you know I think about you all the time, miss you, and wish you nothing but the best, Sending prayers and blessings!

  • 106. YW  |  December 19, 2012 at 10:29 am

    LT hope you are ok this holiday season, sending you cheetos, homebaked cookies and hot choclate mix.. 😉 hope you are feeling ok

  • 107. Concerned FM  |  December 20, 2012 at 7:25 am

    I miss you …

  • 108. Jen H.  |  December 20, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Hi LT!! Where have you been? I hope you are doing okay this holiday season. Looks like you have lots of readers thinking about you, and I hope that makes you smile, just a little.

  • 109. monika  |  December 21, 2012 at 9:45 am

    hi..just want to say that i like your blog, not like it made me happy of the fakt -what was really happened to you, but i think your story may help, and open harts and eyes to some of those fostering parents, which are decided to foster a child and dont even have a clue what the kid really needs.. as a mum of a 3 years old boy, i can not imagine that someone could ever hurt him …i feel really for you and i wish i could have some power to back in time and for some how find you, and rescue you and keep you forever safe next to me 🙂 but i know its to late for that, and thats only me thinking why no one did find you befor everything started….so please be strong and keep writing your blog for those who really dont have a clue, what some kids went through in their short life..hugs and kisses xx

  • 110. Liza  |  December 24, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Hey LT – just want to wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy new year. You deserve it 100%!! Keep doing what you’re doing, sweetie. Never give up.

  • 111. Cocco  |  December 24, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts, always!
    I know holidays used to be hard for you but hope this time is different and deeply hope you are happy now and life’s treating you gently… wherever you are. Hope you, your fur friends, KC and her family are all doing fine. Hope all’s well…
    Have a merry christmas darling! You are one wonderful person, don’t ever forget that!

  • 112. Cookie  |  December 24, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Hi LT, I know you have had some Christmases that were bad and that you want to forget but I’m thinking about you and my hope for you is that you are having a good Christmas this year. I think about you a lot and I hope you’re alright. I wish you peace and love this Christmas. Take care, Cookie

  • 113. Krista  |  December 24, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    Wishing you and Moonlight, Shadow, and Harbor a peaceful, wonder-full Christmas, LT!

  • 114. M.E. sageplant  |  December 25, 2012 at 2:39 am

    Hi LT, well, it’s Christmas Eve, and I am stopping by to wish you some love and greetings. Wish I could have mailed you a Christmas card as that would have been cool to do. I’m hoping you have some time with KC or whomever you may have in your life at this time. Thank you for your contribution to kids out there that have been heard a little more because of what you said here over the years. Well..Peace for the new year..I’ll check in later to see if you have any communication here…love ya…

  • 115. Cookie  |  December 25, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Merry Christmas, LT! I hope you’re having a good day 🙂

  • 116. Tim  |  December 25, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Hey LT hope you have a happy Christmas. I’m in the Falklands atm till Apr next year but I still think about how you’re doing. Even I’d I can’t get online as much as I would like I wish you all the best for 2013. Onward ever upwards etc

    You’re great you are x

  • 117. Jamie  |  December 26, 2012 at 2:41 am

    Merry Christmas, LT. I hope all is going well with you.

  • 118. Jodi  |  December 26, 2012 at 3:27 am

    Hi LT. I’m thinking of you. Hope you are still on your healing path. Big hugs to you and your furry crew. XOXO.

  • 119. Heather burr  |  December 28, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    I love your blog and I’m glad that you use your experience & expertise in such a powerful important way. ♡ Wishing you a peaceful & healthy holiday season!

  • 120. ella  |  December 28, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    Hi LT, have been wondering how you are doing lately. I am sick, as usual I don’t match with winter, but also summer, so I am a real tropical island person, not too hot and cold. How are your pets? Do you have any plans next year, like enroll in a college or take a trip somewhere?
    Be careful and take care always.

  • 121. stacia  |  December 31, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    In my journey to healing from all my years in the system I found this blog and am so grateful. I have my whole life fought to overcome the trauma from being raised in 24 foster homes. My healing has come in the form of writing a book, that I will call, “Freebird,” I am free from my past and press onto my bright future.

  • 122. Cookie  |  January 1, 2013 at 2:46 am

    Happy new year, LT! I hope that 2013 brings you good health and lots of happiness.

  • 123. Steph  |  January 1, 2013 at 3:44 am

    Happy new year, LT! Hope it brings you more wonderful new memories.

  • 124. Cocco  |  January 1, 2013 at 4:40 am

    Happy new year darling! May you have a great 2013 full of sweetness and everything you need to be happy, and may you achieve all that you wish for!
    Take good care of yourself wherever you are! I hope you’re doing well ♡

  • 125. Concerned FM  |  January 3, 2013 at 6:51 am

    My first wish for the New Year is that more people foster children.

    My second wish is that you write again.

    Miss you …

  • 126. Sue  |  January 4, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    here is a tip if you are bcoming a foster parent, (i have 10 years experience in care)…. dont just think because you may have experience of ‘a alcoholic/drug addict/etc’ in your family and think that will make you a good foster parent… IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!!
    thats the worse thought that a person may think if you want to become a foster parent…..
    kids that go into care have A HELL OF A LOT OF BAGAGE! – there is a lot of emotional or behaviour issues that CAN come with them… you have NOT been in their shoes and have walked through the years that they have gone true..!
    you have to be a very strong person, and im not saying that all foster kids are off the wall! I know a lot that are, and a few that arent! … dont think either that it may be a walk in the park! ….and dont just hand the kids back to social services, just because the poor child has a tantrum…

    I have been with a family who moved me because i started smoking, wanted to be outside with friends after school and wanted piercings and to dye my hair… i was a typical 14-15 year old who just wanted freedom and to find myself, i have never been involved with the gardai or stayed out til all hours, i came home at 9pm everynight, did chores, etc… unfortunatly the parents didnt have kids of their own and never fostered a child before me so STUPIDLY panicked when they didnt know what to do!

    Hope this helps! 🙂

  • 127. Crumble  |  January 6, 2013 at 3:14 pm

    I have been thinking of you. Nothing more to say than that.

  • 128. Angela  |  January 6, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    Hope your Christmas and New Year were okay. Thinking of you as we continue to foster a teen. Keep going forward.

  • 129. Rita  |  January 6, 2013 at 8:54 pm

    I hope you have a peaceful New Year in 2013 LT and much healing.

  • 130. ella  |  January 7, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Hi LT. How are u doin?

  • 131. butterflysblog  |  January 7, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    Sweet LT – I miss you. I hope you are doing okay.

  • 132. Krista  |  January 7, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    Just stopping by to say hello, LT. I miss you.

    I hope everything is going well for you!

  • 133. AnnMarie  |  January 8, 2013 at 7:12 am

    Just dropped by to see how you are doing. Miss you!

  • 134. Jodi  |  January 9, 2013 at 8:49 am

    Hi LT, thinking about you and hoping you are doing ok. Miss your writing. XOXO

  • 135. Tim  |  January 11, 2013 at 6:45 am

    Hey LT been a while but I most definitely haven’t forgotten you so this is a hello just to let you know I still wonder how you’re getting on and I hope for the best for you. With any luck you had a good Christmas and New Year and weren’t alone for all of it, been there I know what thats like. Anyhow I’m still in the Falklands doing my bit to keep the peace lol. I still don’t have a great deal of access to the interwebnet atm. So even though I might not stop in to say hi as often I will when I can. You’re not forgotten because

    You’re great you are

  • 136. gettingmetogether  |  January 11, 2013 at 11:33 pm

    Hi, first time reader and so thankful I found this blog! We plan to foster to adopt and will start the process in the next year. We first planned to adopt before having children so we could focus all of our attention on our new kids but I become pregnant only a few months after we married. I now have two children age 4 and 1 and wanted to get your advice on fostering to adopt when you already have kids. What could we do from the start to make them feel just as much a son or daughter as our two other children? And is there anything we should not do?

  • 137. Sarah  |  January 15, 2013 at 9:53 am

    Just stopping in to say Hi LT. I Miss you.

  • 138. Cookie  |  January 15, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    Hi LT, I think about you often and I really hope you’re doing well.

  • 139. Peregrine  |  January 15, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    LT, I am a longtime lurker but I think of you often. You have taught me many things and I quickly learned to care for you. I really, really hope that everything is all right with you. You do not owe us anything, but it would be a kindness of you to let us know that you are doing well – or even if you aren’t – because there are many, many people here who really do care. Be blessed and feel it!

  • 140. YW  |  January 15, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    hi LT how are you, hope you are getting my mesages just thinking about you and hoping you are taking care of you and your pets..?

  • 141. butterflysblog  |  January 17, 2013 at 10:53 pm

    Hi sweet LT – just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you, so I stopped by to say hi. I miss you.

    • 142. butterflysblog  |  January 20, 2013 at 10:36 pm

      Sweet LT – miss you and your words from the heart. Stopped by to say hello, old friend.

  • 143. Crumble  |  January 19, 2013 at 2:20 am

    I was just thinking of you, Sweet Woman, so I dropped by to say “Hello”. I hope the new year is treating you well, and that many good things have come, and will continue to come, your way.

  • 144. Jodi  |  January 21, 2013 at 7:44 am

    Hi LT. Sending a big hug. XOXO.

  • […] has a terrific section on her blog called Tips for Caring for Foster Kids, but the advice is equally applicable for adoptive parents as well. Here are some tips from a post […]

  • 146. Liza  |  March 15, 2013 at 5:44 am

    Dear Ms Blogger,
    I am a worker for a foster care agency in Australia. We are the largest program in the Southern Region of Victoria and care for approx 160 children on any given night. That is our foster carers do so. I am writing a newsletter for our carers. I came across your blog through the Child Trauma Network Tweets. I find your writing and advice of how to care for foster children amongst the most inspirational, real and helpful advice I have come across. Our carers value the advice of ex foster children enormously. I would love to use your advice in our news letter and would note the source. As in your blog. It seems you may have taken a break from this at this time. When you can please let me know your thoughts on using your work in this way. Many thanks for your work and insight. Kind regards,

  • 147. Cookie  |  March 30, 2013 at 2:59 am


    I don’t know if you’re still doing a private blog because I didn’t get an invite, but I’ve been checking back to see if anything’s changed. What a fantastic page of tips. I like the way it’s set up and I’m so happy you’ve left it up.

    I hope you’re doing good and I’m thinking about you this Easter weekend. I hope you see your friend KC and get to hang out with her. I also hope you fur kids are doing good.

    I think about you a lot (I hope that doesn’t sound weird) and I hope you’re okay. 🙂 And in case you’re still doing a private blog, I’ll make a second comment with my other email address, which is my real name.

    Peace to you, LT.

    • 148. Cookie  |  March 30, 2013 at 3:00 am

      My name is the email address for this comment.

      • 149. LooneyTunes  |  March 30, 2013 at 6:39 pm

        hey… don’t worry! i am almost done with it. it’s gonna be better than the first! i had to figure out how to get it to work, design it, etc.

        stick around. cool things to come!

        • 150. Rita  |  March 30, 2013 at 7:59 pm

          Good to see you posting something, anything!

          • 151. LooneyTunes  |  March 30, 2013 at 11:40 pm

            hey. i read that you said you received an invite for my private blog. that was not me. i have not started it yet. someone was being an idiot.

            it will be soon though…peace.

  • 152. suzy250  |  March 30, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    Hi LT, I love your blog and would like to be invited to your private blog if/when you decide to make one again. Thanks so much! Keep up the good writing 🙂

  • 153. maesie  |  April 10, 2013 at 4:53 pm

    Hi LT,
    I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you and hoping things are going well for you.

  • 154. Morénike Giwa  |  April 10, 2013 at 11:56 pm

    Hi LT, and hope all is well. I am glad to see this archived page, and feel if will be an invaluable resource for all who have the courage to read. If possible, I would love an invite your upcoming private blog. Thanks!

  • 155. heidi  |  April 15, 2013 at 7:02 pm

    Hi Lt,

    Saw this quote today and thought of you – can’t wait for you to get your new blog up…

    If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance

  • 156. gigimarie  |  April 17, 2013 at 2:31 am

    Thank you for this blog. I’m a former foster child, and since leaving the system have tried to distance myself from it as much as possible, but that never totally worked. Reading through this brought me back as an outsider and helped me remember both the good and the bad.
    If you ever want to talk, please contact me.

  • 157. tim054  |  April 18, 2013 at 5:15 pm

    Hi LT hope that you’re getting on ok with working on your new blog and that it’s all coming together. I’m looking forward to reading it that’s for sure. Peace to you and the menagerie.

    You’re great you are

  • 158. Emily  |  April 21, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    I am being treated really unfair in my foster home, they don’t care if I run away because I’m upset..

    • 159. Kathy  |  April 22, 2013 at 7:52 pm

      Emily you are a child of god, you are loved and please know there are people that care. I don’t know you but maybe we should.

  • 160. Crumble  |  April 28, 2013 at 6:10 pm

    Hey LT,

    I miss hearing from you. I hope things are going well.

    I turned on the TV and Caesar the dog whisperer was on. I had missed a lot of the show, but there was a woman who was homeless and was living in the river valley with her dog. She was pregnant and winter was coming, and there are no resources out there to help women like her get off the streets. But then a miracle happened, a women’s shelter said they would take her and her dog in!

    But the dog was protective. And she wouldn’t be allowed to keep him (at the shelter) if he was barking/aggressive etc.

    As you can guess, the Dog Whisperer worked with them, and then dog is fine now, and she had a baby boy and got married to the father.

    What I thought was amazing was that shelters are becoming more inclusive. What a great thing. I know that I could never give up my cats, and why should someone give up and animal when the animal was the only one there for them when they needed someone?

    Just thought it was cool.

  • 161. Cocco  |  April 29, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    Hey LT, just thinking of you and wanted to say hi. I know you’re busy working on your new blog, but I hope it doesn’t bother you if I ask how are you doing lately, are you ok? (Btw, are you taking your pills and eating properly?)
    Looking forward to your good news, take care of yourself : )

  • 162. tim054  |  April 30, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    Hi LT just stopping in again to see if you’re doing ok. Hopefully this is so. Give theenagerie a fuss from me. Even though they don’t have a clue who I am 🙂

    You’re great you are

    • 163. tim054  |  April 30, 2013 at 4:13 pm

      *the menagerie. Curse my fat fingers and my iPhone 😀

  • 164. A.  |  June 3, 2013 at 7:56 am

    I’d love to read your new blog when it’s ready. I’ve not commented before, but I’ve visited this one for years. I’m getting my life to a place where I’ll be able to become a foster parent hopefully in a few years, and I don’t think I’ve ever found a more useful resource. You do amazing, important work by sharing your story and you will change so many lives.

  • 165. Xtina  |  June 23, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    I just started reading some of your entries yesterday, so I’m new. I like that you’re willing to share so much with us (the public), and I like that we are able to comment. Some blogs have comments disabled — which I understand. Anyhow, thank you for being who you are, discovering who you are becoming, and for sharing it with us. We are all a process of evolution — some slower in evolving, some faster, some take a few steps forward & backward — but at least most people try to become someone better than yesterday. Most people I’ve known have tried. I certainly try to be better than I was yesterday. I guess I’m babbling on. Next time I comment….maybe less babbling! Considering it is 6:58pm in my time zone, it is time to say “Enjoy the rest of your night!” or “Make sure you get dinner!”
    I have to get dinner. Good Night.

  • 166. Dawn  |  July 23, 2013 at 2:35 am

    LT, I’ve been reading your blog every night for a week now.. I think I’ve passed through two years already! I grew up in foster care as well. Not as harsh as what you have been through but very similar stories. My husband and I have decided to become FP’s we are wanting to do long term, pending on the court order. My question for you before we receive a child and the burning amount of theories with the FP’s association group I have joined is
    “What should the child call you as the FP when they move into your home?”
    I personally believe the transition of calling us Mommy and Daddy “insert last name” is okay, but many don’t agree with me. So conflicted :/ What would you have preferred? Speaking from a Child in Care’s perspective to myself – another Child in Care’s perspective. Wouldn’t it be easier for the child to remember our last name vs. each of our first names? Also easier, the transition to them down the road calling us just Mom and Dad, for preference sake.

  • 167. serraphym  |  August 1, 2013 at 3:47 am

    I wish I had stumbled upon this sooner. After having gone through nearly every single one of your entries, I would like to echo all the sentiments from the other posters in that you are truly a voice that needs to be heard amidst the chaos of the current fostercare system. This is the first time I’ve commented here, and in fact, the first time I have ever felt so strongly compelled to comment on any blog (even creating an account to do so). I just wanted to express my gratitude that you’ve been willing to share so much of your past, your tips, your ups and downs…

    I know I may just be some unknown entity on the internet, and that perhaps my words won’t mean that much in the face of everything you have experienced, but I do hope that it is enough to convey my message: there are people who are willing to listen, and trying to understand.

    Thank you, LT. I wish you all the best

  • 168. Anonymous  |  August 11, 2013 at 4:00 pm

    Thank you for sharing this! I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I was the “forgotten” one when my family had a CW case. My sister was taken out of the home and was put in a group home but they left me there at my parent’s house, I guess because I was a teenager (this was back in the 80′s and it seems even now – sadly, foster parents don’t want them). I don’t know what happened; whether my parents lied and said that I wasn’t their kid or what. I had to deal with emotional, physical & verbal abuse from both of my parents (just like my sister but worse after she was taken out), and they never even knew at CPS because they never even asked me a single question. I have no idea what any of them were thinking or doing. Now that I’m all grown up, I decided to fight back (in a way) because where I work, we help get foster kids anything that they need (clothes, toys, beds, etc) and I work with CPS.

    What most of CPS don’t realize is that I was one that slipped through the cracks. They can see my family’s case on the system if they look for it because its on there under my last name. However, I don’t know how many times I’ve almost quit. For several reasons, including one where a supervisor tried to tell me that I don’t know how any worker feels or abused child feels, etc. The people who are above us in the chain of command do not listen to us at all. I’ve reported several cases of abuse and nothing ever gets done about it. I’ve reported other issues that I’ve actually seen & heard. Still – nothing. They say that America’s 1% gets it all, and its kind of that way with CPS in America too. The top 1% of CPS do not listen. I keep telling myself that I do what I do for the children. To be kind to them, to let them know that I know how they feel, to be there for them, to help them whenever I can. Anyhow, thanks again for sharing this – *hugs* – And I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.

  • 169. Rachael  |  August 30, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    (I sent this by e-mail, but not sure you read them. So just incase…)

    Hi LT,

    I just want to say how very informative your blog is, especially for a soon-to-be-foster-parent. I stumbled across it today, just researching foster care a little more, and it truly is a gold mine. My husband and I are currently finishing up our classes, to become a licensed foster-to-adopt family. We started the process with the intention of ONLY fostering. As we got farther in, we thought alright, MAYBE we can adopt, but only a baby. And now, we’re wanting to take in and make part of our family, a school aged/older child, after really seeing what a need there is.

    Through out our courses, we’ve received enough handouts to probably take down eight trees, covering everything about what we can expect, and none have been NEARLY as informative as your blog.

    As someone who majored in English Literature and dreams of writing a book someday, I will tell you this: you TRULY have a knack and gift for writing. Your writing has all the makings of a good book- be it informational or a memoir style. Not everyone has the ability to write as candidly, eloquently, and even humorous (especially given the topic) as you have.

    I killed hours today reading through all your public blog posts. Something I found particularly striking today:

    -As my husband and I are preparing to welcome a new little boy, we debated what to do with his room. How to decorate it, so it’s “just right” for his arrival. While we were going to buy a new comforter, your post definitely made me laugh, and we decided to leave the “decorating.” He can choose all that, after he arrives. A little thing we take for granted, like choosing which color bedspread to buy, he has likely never done. Thanks for the reminder!

    You’ve perfectly captured all those “little details” for all of us on the outside of your situation, bridging understanding beautifully. You have a true gift. Thanks for writing and sharing.


    P.S. Is there any EXTRA advice you would give a family in our position? We have a three year old biological daughter, and are adding to our family a 9 yo little boy. I greatly sympathized with your post on the stigma foster kids have. Reactions from family members of ours (and even some case workers) is just as you mentioned- leaving you to picture this child plotting to murder us in our sleep and burn our house down, even though this child really isn’t even categorized as “troubled,” (obviously any kid in foster care is but…) doing well in school and his current foster family. Any tips for dealing with that stigma? Or feelings/situations that may come up, with already having a biological daughter, as well?

  • 170. Sonia  |  September 17, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    I applied to become a foster parent. I was put off by the social worker, who was not at all a nice character, and was more concerned about his pay check (he was an independent) than anything else. I would not trust their integrity an inch; the real ‘at risk children’ are left in misery because the case workers are ‘scared’ of the parent/parents, and they pick on the innocent families and children suffer IMHO.

  • 171. nattrat13  |  September 22, 2013 at 11:10 am

    I found your blog to help me better understand how to communicate with our 17 year old “new friend” that we are actively trying to adopt from the foster system. We are currently helping her through a mentor program and are her “Mentors”. This program help the kids ageing out of the system to get jobs, help them get education, help them get an apartments, and help them get on their feet and support them through this major transition . We want to give her the best opportunities, and support her decision to go to vo-tech school for a career. We understand trust is hard, particularly since she see’s us as “nice family” and not one of her “people”. Reading this has given me hope that we are on the right track and she will eventually come around.

  • 172. Robin in AZ  |  October 13, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Hi LT,
    I recently found your blog thru my daughter who is waiting for their next foster placement. (They have had 12 kids go through their home and desire to adopt through the foster system.)
    Seeing the devistation to your life while being in a system that was supposed to protect you has been heartbreaking and eye opening for me. I feel sad that you have been so traumatized by many adults who should have loved you. Your perspective has been invaluable for me and many others who desire to make a positive difference in a child’s life. I believe for me your words have been life changing in the way I will view children in need.
    Even though your blog is private in that we don’t know your name or where you live, you have placed yourself in a vulnerable place being so real. Thank you so much for sharing your life with your readers
    Robin in AZ

  • 173. layla  |  October 23, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    Using a quote from your holiday post in a presentation for foster and adoptive families. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself. I love your perspective!

  • 174. Cody  |  November 15, 2013 at 4:50 am

    I would just like to say that you are understood. I have been there and at times I am still there. My whole perspective was altered, going through the “system”. You are an inspiration and your writing is compelling! Keep trying. You will find the missing link and will be a better person for it!! xoxo

  • 175. Sharon H  |  November 22, 2013 at 11:37 am

    I stumbled upon your blog and as a foster/adoptive parent find it very enlightening, frank, and open. Can I use parts of your blog in our Foster parent assoc’s newsletter? Christmas can be such a stressful trying time, I’d love to share your thoughts and tips from “Hold the happy-holidays are hard for foster kids!”

  • 176. Tureks Plumbing  |  November 22, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    I was reading some articles on your blog and wanted to thank you for sharing your perspective. I work for Turek’s Plumbing, a local business who cares about foster children and wanted to share the way they are helping improve local foster children’s lives. We are hoping this will inspire other business owners to do something similar! You are welcome to post this on your site.

    Every year children from newborns to 18-year-olds are placed in foster care. In emergencies they have to immediately leave their home, with no time to gather clothes, toys or even their toothbrush. The state budget doesn’t cover extras like these, so we have a great opportunity to help children in need.

    How Turek’s Plumbing Helped

    For our 4th consecutive Give Back Campaign, we were excited to support Foster Forward Together (FFT) by giving them 5% of our service sales for two weeks which came to $3,012.23! They will be doing this again next year as well of course!

    See more at

  • 177. Christi C  |  December 2, 2013 at 3:33 pm


    I am a trainer and recruiter of foster parents in Virginia. Can I use part of your blog for foster parent newsletter, training and recruitment?

    Your words convey your resilient spririt, Thank you for sharing your pain, journey and hope. I hope it has served you and it has others.

  • 178. alanamc  |  December 8, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    can you write about going to college? The real truth about foster kids and college? I need answers and im hoping you can answer them 🙂

  • 179. Karin L.  |  December 18, 2013 at 12:38 am

    Thanks for offering your work for educational use. I’m going to link to your blog on the website for my project. If someday the organization I am creating for this class becomes a reality I’ll be sure to give you full credit for your work–and maybe you can help me out when the time comes to make sure I’m covering all the bases in my small niche in the world of helping out foster kids.

  • 180. Karin L.  |  December 18, 2013 at 12:40 am

    Noticed my website address was wrong, hopefully this corrects it…

  • 181. f2aparent  |  December 27, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    LT, I hope you are okay. I have read every word of your public blog and hope my husband and I can help our future foster/adopted kids through their hurt so they won’t wrongly believe that they are unwanted. You are wanted, dear. Thank you so much for what you have written.

  • 182. Heather Oakley  |  January 6, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    I shared your blog on our facebook page. I wanted to give all of our foster parents an opportunity to read it! Thank you for these writings.

  • 183. Alison Wild  |  January 6, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    “The more you refuse to hear my voice
    The louder I will sing
    You hide behind walls of Jericho
    Your lies will come tumbling
    Deny my place in time
    You squander wealth that’s mine
    My light will shine so brightly
    It will blind you
    Cos there’s……

    Something inside so strong
    I know that I can make it
    Tho’ you’re doing me wrong, so wrong
    You thought that my pride was gone
    Oh no, something inside so strong
    Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

    Brothers and sisters
    When they insist we’re just not good enough
    When we know better
    Just look ’em in the eyes and say
    I’m gonna do it anyway
    I’m gonna do it anyway…”

    (Labi Siffre
    “Something Inside So Strong” Lyrics)

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2014 LT!!
    I have been thinking about you, your writings have helped me a lot. I hope you are well, greetings from the UK.

  • 184. Laurie Mumley  |  January 10, 2014 at 10:13 am

    Thanks for the great blog. I wanted to get permission to use your “Food Issues….do NOT fear them” in my next newsletter to foster parents here in Vermont. I will happily give you all the credit, and tell foster parents to check out the rest of your writing!

  • 185. I Care  |  February 12, 2014 at 4:50 pm


    Just want to ask for advice, I am not really a foster parent but I am a Respite/support worker. I am taking care of a 7 year old child who was abandoned by their parents since birth. They don’t even know who they are. I want to help this child. Is it bad to get attached to them, like saying i love you, making them feel loved. because I remember someone saying you can’t say I love you to them. But really I do feel bad because it’s like he will never really feel completeness, I want to fill that incompleteness. and I was wondering if he gets older, what will he think, will he think everything is just for money? that he is not wanted on this planet.

  • 186. Monique Ramirez  |  February 16, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    hi !! um i don’t really know what to put but i’ve been in a foster home since 2005 and i hated it eversince alot of things relate to me i am 16 now and really want to commit suicide now,but i just can’t i am so happy i found this ❤ my brothers got adopted and are living a happy life and i havent talked to them or any of my family since 2010 my foster parent hates me cause i'm an "emo" kid but i really dont care i feel like when im 18 i'm going to be living on the streets ;[

  • 187. steph  |  February 19, 2014 at 12:27 am

    LT I wanted to say thank you for all your words and being able to put this up in this blog. I believe that your on a mission to help those who know nothing better be enlightened about the foster care system. Unfortunately, there are abusive homes that children are sent to and that slips through the cracks. Thank you for sharing everything and letting all of us glimpse into your life. I know what it is like also being a former foster child. I do not know you but I feel that you are a strong and courageous woman who has endured much. Stay strong dear and know that no matter how hard these crappy memories come back to resurface that is all that they are.

  • 188. steph  |  February 19, 2014 at 12:40 am

    I would love to use parts of your blog but certainly would be citing my source! THank you!

  • 189. Jacob  |  March 3, 2014 at 3:28 pm

    I am in a foster home and I wish I could just die because my mom is a meth addict and a alcoholic my froster parents are joe and Gloria meza

  • 190. susie  |  March 19, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    Thanks for your blog. My family (husband, myself & 3 young biokids) are becoming a foster family very soon. This blog helps me see the world of foster care in spot light view. I, myself was a foster kid (taken at ages 1-3 and again from 7-17) it was tough (single alcholic mom – never a dad in the picture). I felt out of place, many times unwanted and unloved. It took me years to trust people. My hearts desire is to give a child a place to call home, to have parents who treat him like he is apart of our family, to pour love and time into his life and to help him know he is wanted and loved. Thanks for blogging. I find your words heart wrenching, truth in your writing and the pain that you feel. I pray you find peace in your life and know that you are NOT a mistake. You have a purpose in this world and you do matter. Thanks for being open and honest and I hope life turns around and you get double on happiness/peace/love for your all your troubles you had to endure.

  • 191. Jenna  |  March 20, 2014 at 10:04 am

    Hey, LT! Shoot me an email. I’d like to talk! ♥ th eki ngfamily2 7 @gm

  • 192. ryan  |  April 8, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    hey if anyone is willing to share their story of what it was like in foster care please email me at
    it would really help me because I want to change the system but even though I was in foster care most of my life I still don’t know all the problems in the system the more I know the more successful I can be so if anyone is willing to share please let me know.

  • 193. Dot Sabba  |  April 9, 2014 at 8:03 pm

    Whoever you are, wherever you are, know that you kicked my guardian ad Litem ass but opened my eyes to the real broken world. I will not give up though. Thank you!

  • 194. kitkat00  |  April 14, 2014 at 7:33 am

    I Am a care kid, I’m 12 years old.
    My father was a alacholic and was very violent. He abused me and my older brother on daily basis. So we had to run away and then we put in a foster home. I like to look at these websites to imagine I f I did get fostered what would they be like.

  • 195. D Kraft  |  June 10, 2014 at 9:36 pm

    Kitkat00, I hope you are ok in your Foster home.

  • 196. writermom12  |  July 14, 2014 at 5:32 am

    I just wanted to leave a note here, and let you know that the things you post in your blog has cemented our decision to adopt as many foster kids as we can (my husband and I). We are in the process of getting licensed, and as we read through your posts, we realized we want to give a family to as many as possible. We have no kids of our own, so our family will be an interesting one. Anyway, just wanted to let you know how motivating your blog is to us. Thanks for putting it out there.

  • 197. s00147954  |  July 24, 2014 at 5:40 am

    Haven’t heard from you in a while LT, hope everything’s OK… miss you

  • 198. onemorewithus  |  October 11, 2014 at 5:10 pm

    LT… What’s happened? You erased your posts :..(
    I don’t know what’s going on, but please consider coming back.
    Email or just post again, whatever it is that you prefer, just don’t leave, please…

  • 199. Christine  |  November 24, 2014 at 4:37 pm

    HI, thank you for sharing. I would love to be able to include some of your thoughts and blogs in out foster parent email newsletter. I work for a child placing agency in Texas.

  • 200. Deaf gal  |  December 21, 2014 at 1:36 pm

    Hey, I appreciate your blog and the tips/explanations you provide. But I have a question, did you post something about being a friend to people in froster care? I couldn’t find anything on this and thought maybe you could talk a little more about friendship, or what you wanted out of it so some people can get a sense of what to do. I met someone who is in froster care, and want to befriend her (not out of pity, but because she seems like a nice girl and I think we can get along.) but I want to know something’s to watch out for (for her benefit) and how to help her if I can. I see in some of the comments you might not be posting anymore, so that’s fine if you can’t. I know everyone is different, but I think it would give me a better sense of what to do/not do. Sorry if this sound rude for any reason, I would just like some advice.

  • 201. p  |  December 22, 2014 at 1:11 am

    Hi LT,
    You had a post up today that you took down. It was a wonderful post. It was the first time you recommended for people like you in your situation to start setting up new holiday traditions. And then you listed some wonderful ones you have that include a lot of candy ☺. I also saw the first commenter, while it was still up (and I only read the beginning of her/his post) said some inappropriate things. I’ve read this blog and watched you grow with it for a long time. Your post was one of the most mature and upbeat ways of looking at this very challenging season and I really thought it was a wonderful, wonderful post and showed enormous growth, and a lot of continued goodness in you. If you put it back up, I know your regular commenters would agree with me and you will get a lot of comments telling you how much you have grown, how kind you are for continually trying to help the foster care system and people like you during this holiday season, and how really mature you are taking this season. A few years ago, when Christmas came, I cried in Christmas Eve mass for a while because I thought you were going to die/kill yourself. This is the most mature you have ever entered this season and the most optimistic. Whoever wrote the comment doesn’t know you and hasn’t been reading your blog at all. You are incredible, and someone I always look up to, and love from a distance deeply, and I was so happy to see you write so grounded and optimistically in your post. It really was a great post. If it makes you feel any better, in spirit you are always celebrating the holidays with me, in my heart, and I am always thinking about you every year and I am ready for you to become the next world leader [I’m not joking about that]. You are already going there, with all of your courageous thoughtful actions where you have really taken the worst things and still been kind enough to think how to make it better for everyone else. It is a very heroic thing to do. I thank you greatly. You have again and again changed my life, and how I see, and what I understand. Thank you. It was a beautiful optimistic post today and I hope you post again before Christmas so we can all celebrate it with you. And with candy. All of my love, you really have. I love you.

    • 202. ritalee8383  |  December 22, 2014 at 11:30 pm

      I so wish I would have seen it!

      Thinking of you always LT. Know there are people that think about you and care about you.

  • 203. manyofus1980  |  December 22, 2014 at 1:28 am

    LT, don’t let assholes run you off your own blog, your own personal space, it is yours, and you have way more followers who love what you do, and love you, than you will have negative comments from people who probably have sad little lives. Your post touched me deeply. Stay strong LT. XX

    • 204. s00147954  |  December 22, 2014 at 7:10 pm

      Yeah! don’t let those trolls get to you LT, you’re a better person than they’ll ever be.

  • 205. CUPS Calgary  |  December 22, 2014 at 3:10 pm

    I came across your website today and it is amazing and incredibly well written. Thank you so very much for sharing your experiences, knowledge and wisdom.
    I am sharing a link to your site on our facebook page at because I believe that your insights can help many others.

    Wishing you all the best.

  • 206. emi  |  December 23, 2014 at 9:29 pm

    I was a foster child I was brutally raped and bashed many times in my time spent throughout seven different homes while experiancing relentless abuse in all the homes I am a fucking wreck I’ve tries to commit suicide many times I’m now dependent on narcotics like heroin and my life revolves around the flashbacks that cause the voices that make me use because of the constant abuse I suffered. I was punished for no reason now I am just a shell of a person I just feel hollow and want to die I cannot have children because the abuse started too young I don’t think the world needs me.

  • 207. manyofus1980  |  December 24, 2014 at 6:45 am

    LT, wishing you a merry xmas, and moonlight and shadow too. Eat lots of candy, watch lots of cartoons, and be safe. Xoxo ❤

  • 208. coccomuffin  |  December 24, 2014 at 7:19 am

    LT, I don’t know whether you’ll read this comment and chances are you won’t, but I really wanted to stop by and wish you a merry xmas… You’re always on my mind and in my prayers and will always be! Hope your fur family is doing well and of course you too! Best of wishes darling, best of wishes for you ♡

  • 209. Chad  |  December 24, 2014 at 11:33 am

    I absolutely love you for sharing. As of recently I have a foster care child in my life. I’m not the caregiver, it’s a friend of mine who’s dear to me. I found your site after searching good gifts for foster children. Now I’ve spent an hour reading your posts and learning things the children cannot teach very easily. Tears & love to you – thanks.

  • 210. ritalee8383  |  December 24, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    I’m thinking of you this Christmas Eve LT. I just wanted you to realize that there are people that think about you.

    I hope your with your friend during the holidays.

  • 211. Gisela  |  December 25, 2014 at 6:56 pm

    Thinking of you and praying for you.
    May the peace and love of God be with you.
    Merry Christmas LT.

  • 212. manyofus1980  |  December 25, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    LT I hope your xmas was good and you had some fun. Sending you xmas wishes and hoping you managed to get through it and are ok. Sending hugs too xoxo

  • 213. coccomuffin  |  December 31, 2014 at 4:35 am

    Hey LT, just thinking of you, a new year is about to come and all I can wish for is that it’ll bring you happiness!
    You’re always in my thoughts even though I’m no longer commenting as much as I used to… wish you the best ♡

  • 214. mommyof6  |  January 14, 2015 at 8:47 pm

    Hi L.T I am sharing your tips on a foster care group on Facebook. There are many new foster parents that can benefit from your Awesome Tips. Take Care

    • 215. LooneyTunes  |  January 14, 2015 at 10:17 pm

      ok. hope they help

      • 216. yoyoyoli  |  April 20, 2016 at 2:20 am

        LT, you ok? have not seen a post for a while and thinking of you!

  • 217. Edu_k8  |  January 29, 2015 at 12:04 am

    When we were deciding whether or not to become foster parents my husband and I stumbled upon your blog. I have taken every word and tip into account as we readied rooms, prepared for holidays, etc. You helped us be the best foster parents we can be, and we are now on the road to adopting a child from foster care. Your blog gave us the push we needed to begin this journey. Your words are doing amazing things for foster kids everywhere.

    Just thought you should know.

  • 218. LINDA  |  March 31, 2015 at 3:32 pm

    used one of your blogs on a facebook site for new foster carers I post it every so often I don’t want people to forget who is important in this process take care LT

  • 219. LifePrettyPlain  |  April 10, 2015 at 10:26 pm

    It took a year for my husband & I to get our foster care license. We’ve never been parents before but we’ve always wanted to adopt. Currently we are in the process of adopting a 16yr old boy. Out of all the classes we’ve taken, books we’ve read, etc., I’ve found your blog to be the most helpful. Your words are both encouraging and inspiring me to be the best mom to him as I can. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and your experience. I hope you realize how incredible you are!

  • 220. Tertia  |  July 14, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Hi Lt. Thank you for your blog. we have kids in foster care, and after reading all this, a lot of things made sense for the first time!

  • 221. greg harper  |  August 1, 2015 at 8:22 pm

    thanks for your blog, would love to use some of your tips for our foster parent newsletter

  • 222. Lindsay  |  August 19, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    I am a foster parent recruiter and trainer. I am updating our training material and would like to ask your permission to use some of your advice to foster parents. I think the most powerful and important voice that should be heard by foster parents is that of foster youth or foster youth alumni. I will absolutely cite your blog so that foster parents can access it independently. Let me know if this is okay and we can discuss further what my plan is. Thanks!

  • 223. S. Guy  |  September 3, 2015 at 10:45 am

    This blog is a gold mine for me! Thanks!

  • […] Source: Tips and perspectives for caring for foster kids […]

  • 225. SANRAP  |  September 17, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    Dear LT,
    You are such an amazing gift… I hope you publish books soon; the beauty and truth in your words is incredible. As I read through your blog, you made me laugh and you made me think, but mostly, I cried uncontrollable tears of heartbreaking grief. I chanced upon your blog today as I was researching the skills and traits I will need to be a better foster parent. Having raised two bio kids now in college, I thought I had a fair idea, yet I wanted to be sure before I committed. The rare and poignant insights you offer in your simple, yet extraordinarily powerful words is not something I could have learnt from any training – not even the practical training of raising kids that had not walked in your shoes. I would not have understood the depths of trauma and confusion some of the simple loving gestures we take for granted may cause. Thank you, thank you so much for sharing your story, you have strengthened my resolve and banished any inhibition I may have had. And as I read through some of the comments, I realize that there are many more that you have touched. You are a blessing to so many…
    Love and peace to you


  • 226. Carmel  |  October 16, 2015 at 5:48 am

    Hi LT. I work as on a fostering team, recruiting, training and supporting carers. I showed my team your blog as I found the ‘tips and perspectives for caring for foster kids’ to be very insightful. We are always looking to update our training material and therefore would like to ask your permission to use some of your advice to foster parents. We will also cite your blog so that foster parents can access it independently. Is this okay?

  • 227. Becky Finch  |  February 24, 2016 at 11:25 pm

    Expecting our first child this week. We are doing therapeutic care and have a bit more time to prepare than a lot of foster parents are given. I also was a former foster child. I was placed with a wonderful loving family when I was 7. I lived with them about a year before I was moved to my aunt’s then home to my mother. My foster family is such a big part of my life even now. I want to give back what was given to me at that desperate time in my life. I have a different perspective, considering my history with the foster care system, than a lot of foster parents. But, I still feel totally unprepared. I am looking forward to reading your blogs. Thank you for all you do!

  • 228. Serendipity  |  August 24, 2016 at 10:20 am

    I apologize for the long wall of text I’m about to subject you to reading, but I encourage you to read it all at some point, even if breaks are needed. Every single word is thoughtfully chosen and comes from the bottom of my heart.

    I have read about a year’s worth of your posts, including your “Tips and perspectives for caring for foster kids” section, and I have never felt so strongly compelled to do what I’m doing now. From reading your posts, I can feel the sorrow in your words, the anger from your past experiences, and the anguish in your heart. You have been through a lot, and I don’t expect myself or anyone else to undo the hurt overnight or at all. I know that you might have trouble reading this, due to its length, but I ask you to forgive me beforehand.

    For many years I have wanted a little sibling of my own, and realizing that having one by birth was/is impossible for many reasons, I have quickly taken to wanting an adopted sibling. It started out selfishly, and through a dream. All I wanted was essentially a playmate of sorts. When I offered adoption as a suggestion to my parents, one of them told me that it wouldn’t be a good idea, basically stating that the children were broken, crazy, and baggage. I believed it for a little while, and found out that she couldn’t be further from truth. Unfortunately, I believe that my parents considering adoption is improbable at best and impossible at worst. Despite this, I carried this desire for years still, and it may have an impact on the rest of what I have to say.

    LT, you didn’t (and don’t) deserve any of the abuse, trauma, criticism, or other pain inflicted upon you by your parents, (bio and foster,) ignorant bystanders, people you trusted, (not 100% trust, at least,) and trolls on your blog. You may have grown up thinking you were a bad kid, but looking at your writing, seeing the care and insight you give to prospective foster parents through your tips, (never thought about the bookbag, food bins, comforter, and how to calm a triggered child,) and the selfless acts you’ve done while homeless tell me otherwise. You could have let all of your experiences tear you down and make you act like the most despicable person ever to walk the earth, but you didn’t. You could have let all of your experiences mold you into a psychopath, but you didn’t. You could have let all of your experiences keep you on the streets, but you didn’t. If you were truly a bad kid, you would have done all of this, and more, but you didn’t, and it makes you such an inspiration to read about and want to support.

    I know you feel unloved, and that everyone is out to get you or ridicule you, but that’s not the truth. When I opened my eyes and read about the abuse, neglect, and suffering inflicted on children even today by corruption in the foster care system, my heart was broken, and I absorbed the plight of every child whose article I read, stories were told, or were waiting for a forever family. It kills me that these children don’t expect the food, love, safety, and support that so many “normal” people take for granted, and my heart weeps when I read about the children and aged-out adults affected by this, including you.

    You may think that you aren’t loved by anyone and have been dumped by everyone (not just your dentist,) but that isn’t true either. If you want proof, just look at your blog! If no one really cared about you, you wouldn’t have people reading your blog. If no one really cared about you, you wouldn’t have a blog crew, and lastly, if no one really and truly cared about you, they wouldn’t be leaving positive comments on your blog, especially multiple comments, from the same person.

    The fact of the matter is, everyone who posts good comments, or supports your blog, DOES CARE about you, and I would even go so far as to say that they LOVE YOU. Even I, with tears welling up as I type this, feel that I LOVE YOU, and I haven’t even discovered your blog until yesterday. NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE would take time out of their day of working, providing for their own family, and other daily activities to post supportive and uplifting comments to you if they didn’t feel for you or love you to some extent. Looking back at your blog, you haven’t gone a year (at least since 2012) without getting a comment addressed just to you. You might even think some of the comments you get are only given out of pity for you and the subject, as if to just pay respect, but they aren’t; some people’s hearts truly do hurt when they read about you, and people genuinely are interested in what’s happening in your life.

    From my brief visit on your blog, I feel like I have come to know you as a person and not just a statistic. A person who loves Reese’s peanut butter cups and all things green (me too!) A person who likes earth tone colors, and Krispy Kreme doughnuts. A person who likes puffy Cheetos, not because of the taste, but because of the shape and how they can represent and influence your mood. Every person has their quirks, and they’re not something to be made fun of. If you want a list of reasons why someone might abandon or dump you, I’ll be more than happy to make one, not to put you down or belittle you, but to give you closure. If you think that I don’t care, then why would I, when I have my own life and problems to tend to, remember these things and write/type something so lengthy to you?

    People do care, LT, more than you know right now. People love your writing, your character, your sense of humor, and, well… you! They’d hate it if you were to disappear or die on them. I don’t know if you can see my email, but put me to the test. I want to be someone you can talk to about life, to answer some unanswered questions you might have, or build you up when you’re down. I may be young, but I’ll try my best to help, and I’ll do it for free.

    I don’t expect you to trust me; I wouldn’t really trust anyone after what you’ve been through, but I am willing to try to help. Whatever range of emotions you feel after reading this… Feel them. Don’t bottle everything up inside. It tears you apart, and believe me, I know. Don’t give up, LT, on life, on yourself, your blog, and on your fans. We care about you LT, and just know that if no one else tells you, I believe in you. You’ve already been through so much, yet you never truly gave up, and in the face of all the adversity you’ve been through, you’re still standing, still living, and still wading, no, walking through all of the muck of your life. Keep living, and keep blogging.

  • 229. Donna Shriver  |  October 31, 2016 at 12:02 pm

    Hi LT,
    I work with resource (foster) parents in PA. I stumbled onto your blog and would like to use your blogs about your first Thanksgiving and tips about Thanksgiving in our November Newsletter. I believe it will be beneficial for our families to read and will credit you and your blog for the information. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  • 230. Sinead  |  November 30, 2016 at 8:08 am

    Hi LT – I really like what you write and would like to borrow your stuff to show foster carers. Thanks for sharing


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